Donatas traded a well-paid job in the office for a social one: “I want to see how lives change”

Today, D. Nagumanovas is the head and social worker of the Caritas Youth Alternative Learning Center of the Archdiocese of Vilnius. His journey to this position lacked bold changes and decisions.

After studying social science for four years, he became a media analyst. As he himself claims, the job was well paid, but five years in the office led him into a tedious routine where it became difficult to see the meaning.

“I wanted and felt that I could potentially do more,” he recalls.

So Donatas decided to quit this job and start working directly with people. He says he didn’t know which way to go, but he hoped he could communicate with the children. After contacting a social worker, D. Nagumanov received a prompt, but not exactly what he expected: he was offered the position of caretaker of the shelter.

“I pretended not to see, I thought, well, no, I was expecting something different. Then he wrote again that they are looking for an urgent need, they really need this employee, “recalls D.Numumanov.

He laughs because at the time he still believed he could quit his job calmly for a low salary, but that was enough. Therefore, he agreed and worked as a caregiver at Caritas Hostel for three years.

“Over the years, I have come to realize from people’s stories that there has been a crisis at some point in their lives, and more often when they were young and did not get help,” he says.

In people’s stories, I have noticed that there has been a crisis at some point in their lives, and more often when they were young and did not receive any help.

Then the Domino effect took place, and when one detail of life collapsed, another collapsed. He says it can all start with a small debt, he leads friends who commit crimes, and then something else happens until the problems become an unbearable burden.

After three years of working in a shelter, D. Nagumanov was offered to live in a community youth home, volunteer and work there.

“And I saw the logical meaning of that transition. I saw those stories and the consequences, and here I saw a place where I could put my hand between the falling dominoes and stop that fall so that in 10 or 20 years that young man would not appear in a shelter with debts, ”recalls the beginning. of his youth work. .

The most painful topic for young people is the family.

30 youth come to the Alternative Learning Center in exchange for youth each year. They are mostly young people who have come of age, who, for various reasons, have no job skills, have not finished school, and have often grown up in orphanages or families where they have been mistreated.

“Society requires them to be adults, to become those they don’t like, who they don’t trust,” he says.

That mistrust comes from childhood when a mother or father physically or psychologically abuses their child. Therefore, each adult, including a psychologist, a social worker, the young people who come to the center look at their parents with suspicion or anger.

Therefore, the social worker first tries to establish a relationship with the young person and demonstrate that here he wants to help, not take advantage or cheat. Only then does the healing process begin, which can take several years.

One of the center’s activities are psychotherapy groups, whose youth of the year speak to specialists who work on various topics. With the development of mutual trust, young people open up and begin to talk about the most painful topic for them: about the family.

Grow in another reality.

“A boy at the age of six found his father hanged. It makes a wound so deep that you get caught up in that trauma. Even though the year passes and you are already 18 years old, you are trapped in the image of a six year old and you still see everything through the eyes of a child, because nobody wastes time explaining what and why to you. And when society begins to press, it begins to defend itself, and its defense is aggressive ”, D. Nagumanov shares the experiences of a young man.

For a young person, this is the norm, others probably live like me, others are probably also excluded, so it is necessary to fight.

Another young man, when he was only twelve years old, was expelled by his mother in search of clothes, says the specialist. The boy couldn’t find a job, so he started stealing.

“It seems like the closest person who should be careful, love, kicks you out of the house. He says, “I will not give you food or clothes,” they indirectly tell the child that it is safer on the street than at home, when the house should be a fireplace, says the social worker.

“You grow in it and it lasts not a day, not a week, but a year, two or three.” For a young person, this is the norm, others probably live like me, others are probably also excluded, so it is necessary to fight. But on the street in a completely different language, nobody uses diplomacy there, “says D. Nagumanov.

This is difficult for the public to understand because a statistical member of society does not grow in the reality in which these young people grow up.

It happens that a child with his mother is expelled from the house by his stepfather in the middle of winter, and they have nowhere to go. The boy sees that the stepfather is drinking and the mother cannot leave him and take care of her son.

“It leaves deep wounds,” he says. “And social workers are like sponges that absorb all of this.”

Addiction: people’s lives have changed

It seems that D. Nagumanov has to absorb such painful stories very often, but he lacks hope and faith in a different future.

“I am an addicted person. My addiction has changed people’s lives, “he says when asked who helps me get up to work in the morning. And the following story is shared:” I once drove a bus and saw a young birch tree near the road, tied to a stick with a stop bar. That birch tree was leaning against the road, so how much an adult would interfere with the passage, Donatas says. So a man took that birch tree and tied it to grow and survive.

It is I who stake, attach the young man to myself and then take him away from the street, from life on the street. I attach it to myself so that I do not interfere with others, with society, with their aggression, with any behavior. It will improve me, ”the head of the Alternative Youth Learning Center defines his mission.

Donatas says that when there are no significant external incentives or additional funds, one has to find very clear reasons why it makes sense to do that work. And it emphasizes that the social worker must be up-to-date, constantly asking himself why he is doing the work and if he feels happy.

Failure at work is not necessarily the fault of the social worker

But Nagumanov sees the point and does not want to return to the routine from which he escaped. When you see a young person injured in life, you immediately imagine how you can recover, stand up, become independent, perhaps later start a family and have children.

And how can you not be disappointed if in the first or perhaps the second time the young person does not recover? He says it only helps to be aware and realize that this is not necessarily a failure of the social worker. It is the product of two people: the employee and their customer, so there is no need to blame yourself.

He believes that the fact that many social workers do not see the result they would like and take responsibility for themselves is one of the biggest problems for social workers. Therefore, personal non-work related goals must be found.

“I have to go back and get away from work, from young people and do something my way, spend time with children, socialize, read a fairy tale. If I don’t do something at work, I can be a good father, a good husband for my wife, I can help my neighbor, distance myself and look different ”, he points out.

Society is not exploiting its potential.

Social work is generally not the highest paying or easiest job. It is often greatly underestimated, says Nagumanov, although social workers spend much of their time and there is a kind of missing link between society and the people who are excluded from it.

“A social worker is attracting and attracting a client to society. The social worker is the one who throws away the time ”, explains the interlocutor.

But a society that Donato believes is alienated and not reaching its potential also plays an important role here. There is an established opinion that only politicians should be concerned with change.

However, D. Nagumanov does not think so. He believes that it is the groups of friends, families, communities that spend weekends together that are the most powerful nuclei for change. Only instead of creating, helping, they close each other.

“If those nuclei come together and the idea that we are doing something occurs to us, it occurs to us, we are allocating money or time. Each of us has our own strengths, which is dedicated to repairs, automobiles, delivers a bicycle to the center, a gym tool. It seems to me that this is a great potential that we are not exploiting ”, he believes.

Doing that job takes the family even further

When working in social work, one not only has to give a lot, but also receive. D. Nagumanov says that this work has formed a different approach to the world and the surrounding processes, and most importantly: the family.

“I sit with them in a group all the time, they talk about the family, what kind of abuse they have suffered. I go home and hug my children even tighter, “says Donatas.

I feel like I have a lot. I was hoping to save the world, but every day I would save myself and that young man.

He says he has learned awareness and self-awareness, conflict management, because this work is constantly tested. Young people can touch the most painful and weak places, but they must remain professionals, there is no time to relax.

“I feel like I have a lot. I was hoping to save the world, but every day I would save myself and that young man. Like “Rye by the Abyss”, compare. – Sometimes I feel like they are running into the abyss and they don’t see them running and then you are catching, catching at least one, helping one again, one again. And there will be many more, I don’t have the privilege to relax in any way. “