Ineta Stasiulytė: Jealousy of a man’s ex digging a well for himself

– You were nominated in the “Delphi Women of the Year 2020” election, what does that mean for you?

– I didn’t know he was nominated, it was a surprise for me. This is a great overall appreciation for what I do. It is important to me, I look at these things with great respect and in no way scratch my nose. It’s great when it shows what I’m putting my energy into and I realize my work.

– This year turns 40, are your birthdays important? Somehow you look back on that day, do you think how the year passed?

– I see the year as the year of life, I want to be alive in this world as long as possible and here is such a good contradiction when people say “oh no, don’t ask how old I am”. God, I am proud every year to be alive, healthy, that so many fabulous and not so fabulous things have happened that have encouraged me to keep going. This is my year and each year is very valuable, so I can bravely tell everyone my age. I don’t understand when you say you can’t ask a woman how old she is, so God thinks why not. (Laughter) What is here through fiction? There is how it is, these are the facts. We want to live a long time and not die quickly, but at the same time we contradict ourselves and say: “Oh, Jesus, how old am I?” And how can we live a long time contradicting and blocking those years? That is something I am very happy about every week.

– You said in one of your posts that you are still looking for a recipe for happiness. What have you been able to find so far? Maybe you have something to advise others?

– I believe that everything is in its place when something happens in life: when we take responsibility for everything, for all the events that take place in our lives. When we realize that these are just one or the other thing that happened on my own initiative. Bad or good: it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t happen without my desire. When we stop blaming the environment, those around us or something else and say “I”, then everything is in its place. Then you realize that if you have created one, you can create another. And then all those things and circumstances that are happening now in life no longer become so terrible. By taking responsibility for what you have done, you begin to understand what can change, what you can do differently. Then things move in an even better direction than before.

– He also mentioned that we need to learn to look at ourselves the way we would like others to look at us. You are successful? How to achieve this? After all, we are often full of insecurity, fears, criticism of ourselves …

– Yes, but practice. Everything happens through practice. We can read, think, but when you start doing it in practice, only then do the results come. Let’s start with the simplest: write in the afternoon or morning (as someone according to your needs and energy level) for what you want to thank, what you understood, what you did for yourself. It is important to turn to yourself, because when you accept yourself, so do those around you. If you are convicted, you will notice that no vendor looked at you the same way. All the people around us serve to see for ourselves what we do with ourselves.

– Do we notice what we focus more on?

– Yes, get mad at yourself – something is guaranteed to get mad at you. When you start looking at these things or even taking notes, you notice the regularity. Personally, I am aware of the regularity that happens around me, so I can talk about it with confidence, because I try it myself and follow those things. And when you start doing that, very interesting people appear in the environment, very interesting information that I could only dream of many years ago. The world becomes very interesting.

– What are the most interesting lessons about relationships with yourself and those around you?

– First of all, it is about the responsibility that we have to assume for what is happening. When it comes to relationships with others, it is that thirst when we are terribly thirsty and want to drink. And another man, another boy, comes and says, “Give me a drink.” So it’s the last of you trying to find that drop in a place where you don’t have it and you’re not drunk, then you start to get mad at everyone because someone here is asking for something, why can’t I add something here? And no one can, because they are also thirsty, and then there is a vicious circle in which everything collapses. The way out of this is very simple: First, say “Stop” and drink. One liter, two liters, three liters if you like, and then add five more and bring them to the family, and water them all with the greatest pleasure, not because they are all already there. By not philosophizing, but talking about real actions, it means creating activities that you enjoy so that you have a resource to drink. It’s even five minutes that is just for you for the simplest session or coffee. It takes the most basic time for you, and those things fill up. There is no other way out.

“You’ve been with David for ten years, or is that what you’ve told me the secret of a long-term happy relationship?”

– Only with that condition can they be together. Only. There is no other way out, and in any case, no matter how life unfolds, you will still turn to yourself. It is how we take care of ourselves, it depends on our environment, on the world, on what we do here. Do you have a sense of your life, do you understand what you are doing for yourself and whether you live out of fear or love? Are you dressing warmer because you fear freezing or because you feel comfortable and warm? Whether I am afraid or want to take care of myself to feel comfortable. In every situation, you must ask yourself: out of love or out of fear?

In various interviews he is constantly asked about the wedding when it will be. And are they important to you? Or maybe you’re out of the idea that it doesn’t change much?

– I think they have to happen naturally and any pressure in the relationship does not lead anywhere. For me, for example, the ceremony and the moment itself are no longer an oath to each other, but an oath to oneself. Because it’s about how I keep my values ​​in mind, do I want to promise that I will be loyal to that person, nurture the family, and make my contribution? This is more of your own move and your own decision. And as everything happens, it only happens by agreement between two people, I think it has to be a very conscious movement.

– Often a woman is quite hostile to her husband’s former partners, they automatically become enemies, fearful that the past may return. In the meantime, do you have a completely different opinion on this matter?

– Very simple in this situation. Until we accept that she is the first and I am the second, nothing beautiful in our lives can happen in a relationship, in any way. Just because energetically this is the truth, it is the first, I am the second. It does not mean better or worse, it is just a certain sequence. And if I find a place in my heart for this woman and I am grateful that only after the experience with her did it occur to me, and he with me with all this experience, I realize that there would have been no other option. Without this experience, it would not be as it is now. And as long as these things don’t come to light and there is no gratitude towards the ex-wife, you can curl up, kick in every way, avoid, not want to admit, but so just dig a hole for yourself.

– Do you need to learn to silence your ego?

– What an ego! How can the ego be here? It is you, if there is something wrong with your self-esteem, then you are always fighting with someone, be it a woman or a man. If you manage your self-esteem, you understand that there cannot be another person, you are who you are and you can be better than yesterday, but you cannot be better than another. It is when this place comes to mind, it is no longer a competition, it is a normal acceptance of a man and his previous relationship, lessons, some normal and calm thinking. And when we start having a fever, it’s an immediate sign that something is not right here.

– So, if a woman feels strong jealousy of the first, should she start with strengthening her self-esteem?

– Of course yes. And in the end, you should pay attention to what is most annoying about that woman. Maybe her femininity, maybe her charm, what she should and should learn from her, and not the other way around: jealous. It is better to sit quietly and admit that she is infinitely feminine and that the charm just drives all men crazy and you take it, lend it and use it in your life. Then you will be very grateful to have received a secret lesson from her. The jealousy of the former is not an occupation, but digging a well for oneself.

Vote for Delphi’s Woman of the Year HERE.