Eglė, mother of fifteen children: on love, challenges and everyday life: a bucket of potatoes for lunch and six washes a day

– When we talked about the interview, you said that you are no longer a mother of fourteen, but a mother of fifteen, right?

– Yes, because we are a family with children, when someone turns 18, another place is officially vacant. Since we have a place not only in our hearts but also a spare room at home, we received a call from another city asking to accept a 13-year-old girl. He has a 15-year-old sister. We are now awaiting trial to take custody of her as well. Sisters need to grow together.

– What are the challenges to accept children, which is the most difficult?

– The biggest challenges were the first time, because we step into the unknown, and everything that we do not face is scary. We already have a lot of practice and knowledge. It is getting easier every time. Perhaps the heart muscle is already trained, it is easier to accept another person. In the past, it took time. Now I realize that I can and, more importantly, still want to provide care and family for those children. In our family, on the other hand, custody does not end when we turn 18.

– How many children are you raising now?

– There are only 7 minors, all the others have grown up. In any case, everyone is close to us both physically and emotionally. Due to the quarantine, many returned home. Our doors are always open to them, even if they are ready to live an independent life.

– Children come to you with some experience, it is usually negative, where does this knowledge of how to deal with them come from?

– Intuition helps me a lot. I act as my heart tells me, then I think about how well I drove, maybe if I had turned on logical thinking, I would have solved that most difficult situation. A lot of life has passed through our hands, each child has learned something, they give it to us, we give it to them. We get a lot of returns. When you go through such difficult situations, the next time you find yourself in a similar situation, it becomes easier. That routine gives the most responses.

As for the attitude of those around you, do you continue to surprise others with such a large family?

– When I was younger, I met people, they asked me if I had children, I said I had four girls. They used to say, “Wow,” and then I said I still had four kids. There was another “wow”. Now it is difficult to catch as many children as one, because one comes, the other leaves. But we feel the love and care of those around us. Our house is located in the middle of the city, surrounded by apartment buildings. It’s like a circus arena here that people tend to watch. But this is normal. Me too, who lived next door, went to the balcony to see what was happening there. There are only 54 such families in Lithuania, who take care of 4-8 children, but we do not imagine a different life. We cannot separate brothers from sisters, and very often children come from large families in swarms. We want them to grow together.

– How is your daily life?

– This year, the children spent a lot of time at home due to distance learning. It was not easy. Distance learning requires a lot of intrinsic motivation, which sleeps sweetly in adolescence and flares up much later. And my daily routine is a constant movement. Yesterday my mom came and brought a T-shirt. He says, “Maybe you wash up soon, because I don’t, and put on those underwear.” I counted how many times I washed yesterday. Six times. And so every day – constant loud buzzing of bees: pots, food, clothes to wash, a bucket of potatoes for lunch … Someday most of the kids went to camp, maybe there were three or four left, not even he knew what to do with so much. Sure, this year was more challenging due to learning from home, but on the other hand, it brought us together well. We went to great lengths to make the house even better, even more fun. All the more so since those who already lived apart returned. For the older children, we bought a house next door so we could always come back.

– Do you have a minute of respite, time for you?

– I have. I understand that a happy wife, a happy family and happy children. I definitely have to maintain my emotional health, allow myself to step back, sit down, grab a book. Sometimes and what kind of frozen pizza do I have to buy because I get stuck on other things or at work. I am a felt craftsman, I wear slippers. There is less work in the summer, but I still have orders. So I have to find time for myself because otherwise I will become a witch. When I already feel that the cup out of place or the plates that have “gone” and “not returned” to the children’s room begin to bother me, I realize that neither the objects nor the children have been placed here. If those little things start to stress me out, it’s time to take a step back. That sensor works great on me, I don’t allow myself to get to the stage where I start to growl and howl at everyone. Five minutes before that, I back up and wake up alone. When people say, “whatever you are sacrificing”, I can say that there is no sacrifice here. It’s just life and finding balance. I have a lot to give, but I have a lot to give. I have to find ways to recharge.

– How do you share household chores with your husband?

– A man is a constant builder of well-being. It is constantly full of projects, builds, improves to make it more fun for everyone. Now he is building an entertaining area in the yard to make it more fun for the kids to invite friends. And I am responsible for life and psychological balance. When the man returned in the evening, he was still “working” with my psychological state, so that I was okay. For men, that job is to make the wife happy. In addition, it cultivates and photography. We all have a lot of activities, we don’t get caught between the pots. Maybe I don’t always prepare a three-course lunch, but I give the children an example that we can’t serve the house, the floor cloth and the belly, we have to do a lot of beautiful things and realize ourselves. Looking at your adult children, I see that their heads are already crossed by various ideas, they are really happy with life. It is important to me that from this little boy with difficult experiences he grows up to be a free person. We all have those difficult experiences, but the question is how we handle them: Are we looking for help or are we just down because we can’t. I try to remove those brakes from my children’s lifestyle.

– Isn’t that stamp of negative experience eternal?

– The seal is there, but we talk about it a lot. We look for ways and solutions. I try to establish relationships with children, I do not want to harm their biological family, take their place or compete with them. It is very important to know that family. Those parents were also once children who were hurt and misunderstood, without learning anything. That experience doesn’t really turn into a stone on your neck that would sink those kids to the bottom. You just need to learn to live with that experience.

– What was your own family like?

– We grew up with my brother, we lost my father very early, I was six years old, my brother was four years old. We were raised by our mother. Dad died. My husband grew up in a family of eight children. He knew well the feeling of a full cabin. And I always wanted a big family, I said that I would have up to three children. (You’re laughing.) When I was a teenager, I even asked my mother to take any child out of the orphanage because they don’t have a home and we have one. Now the same funny.

– If you had a day off, what would you do?

– I’m trying to imagine what it would be like to be home alone. Because I can go out at any time, but one at home is impossible. I’d probably sleep a long time, then fix everything to shine, and know that that procedure will take more than five minutes. I don’t think I would do anything special. Apparently I watched movies all day, ate popcorn, and didn’t get up from the couch.

You can vote for Egle HERE.