Urges not to point with the hand the following signs: If your girlfriend or loved one is doing it, they may be suffering at home

– What are the signs that a loved one may be experiencing domestic violence?

– First of all, it must be said that each case is unique, so there are no absolutely identical signs. Only often can one feel that there is some kind of secret, artificial communication, “sugarcoated” in the eyes of others. Other signs are: fear, crackles, hearing an unexpected sound or something suddenly happens, avoiding talking about family relationships, spouse, often too much flattery, service, indulgence, etc. Despair and disability are often expressed (“nothing can be changed”, “I have to suffer”, “nothing will help me anymore”, etc.). Often times, the perpetrators blame the perpetrator (“you provoked” or “begged for yourself”). People who experience violence often begin to “believe” it and express it by saying that it is their fault, often taking the blame without even doing anything, and feeling great fear of making a mistake, because making a mistake will be punished. Victims of long-term systemic systemic violence are humble and silent, unconditionally obedient, often dependent and sometimes even identified with the perpetrator, who no longer know how to live without it.

Neighbors may avoid communicating, it can feel like a veil of some kind of secrecy. The abuser’s positive behavior can become hyperbolic. In practice, we find that neighbors often avoid defending victims of violence, are reluctant to participate in a police interview, although they hear and see brutal acts of violence between their loved ones.

There is a great desire to invite all Lithuanians to change their attitude and be civic, not to keep silent, to warn, to inform the Specialized Assistance Centers, since violence can harm a person’s physical and mental health irreversibly.

– Are these signs the same for men and women?

– Because feelings are similar for both men and women, reactions are often similar as well, except that men are even more ashamed to admit they are abused and cannot seek help due to stereotypes that they are abused. men still do not cry in society. men are violent ”,“ men are the stronger sex ”,“ who is too much of a man if he cannot defend himself ”and so on.

People who experience violence experience many different emotions: anger, shame, guilt, frustration, fear, revenge, sadness, fear, stress. These emotions provoke corresponding reactions in our body and imitation because the body never lies. Thus, both men and women can appear suspicious, signs of anxiety and tension can be observed in the eyes and facial expressions, a man as if he could no longer rejoice. In more complex and long-lasting cases of violence, we observe women whose entire body speaks of it: head down, shoulders.

– What to do when you notice these signs?

– That’s how it is. We can always express our concern, show a person that we see how difficult it is for us and that we want to help. Then, observing the reaction of a person, denying or accepting help, there are times when they open up and tell their experiences, but for that it is very important that they trust you. If the access is successful, it is always possible to encourage you to contact a specialized complex assistance center tel. No .: 870055516 (weekdays from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.). This line is completely confidential and the person can provide as much information as they want.

– What not to do when you notice those signs?

– Do not condemn, do not blame (“why do you live with him?”, “What do you not go out with?”, “You do not respect yourself”, “blame yourself”, etc.), it only reduces the victim even more and, in addition, Guilt, shame, and helplessness make it even more difficult to seek and accept help.

– What help to offer?

– If there is the opportunity to say that I am here and want to help you, I assure you that you can apply at any time. People often need freedom to make a decision, and one of the most effective ways is to understand and accept. We all probably know the feeling that when someone pushes, they want to run away. One should offer to contact specialists, psychologists, employees of the specialized complex assistance center.

– Does the stereotype that this is not “our business” find out for yourself? Or maybe people are no longer indifferent to the problems of others?

– Yes, this stereotype is still very widespread, but fewer and fewer social people are asking for help: more active adolescents, adult children, parents of citizens, family members, citizens or other strangers who call the police. After calling the specialists of the Specialized Complex Attention Center, the help algorithm will be activated, the Law on Protection against Domestic Violence will come into force: the situation and its danger, possible threats, the victim receives emotional support, all Information about needed help defends you that you are doing the right thing by not allowing a loved one to continue committing a crime. Psychological, physical, economic, sexual violence or negligence The Protection Against Domestic Violence Act has been a criminal offense for 10 years. Anyone who does not allow a crime to happen, to repeat it, is doing very well, not only civically, but also morally and spiritually.

– Or maybe people are afraid of interfering and getting into trouble?

– Of course, there are such cases. However, upon receiving complaints from the police, we have noticed a tendency for society to gradually move towards the awareness that violence is not only a matter for those who perpetrate, experience or observe it, but also a problem for society as a whole. Because violence, as we have said, is a crime. Violence against a person’s personality can have irreversible consequences for their physical and mental health. People who have experienced violence may lose their self-confidence and motivation to take initiative. Our experience as psychologists shows that even children who have only observed parental violence can have emotional and behavioral problems, concentration, learning difficulties, are more likely to abuse violence at school against other children and live in violent relationships as adults. . Therefore, violence gives rise to violence. It is important to emphasize that one of the most important things in preventing domestic violence is for all of us to realize that each of us must say STOP to the perpetrator. When I see acts of violence, I can warn the abuser, I can report 112, I can call specialized Help Centers.

– Perhaps there was a story in your practice when someone from close friends helped the victim take the first step towards helping?

– Yes, there was, and none. A woman who was concerned for her mother because she is experiencing violence from her husband (the caller’s father) recently approached the Telšiai Crisis Center. The woman cried, saying that it had been going on for a long time. After calling the abusive woman and offering her help, he accepted her. The case was dangerous, police officers were told. A pre-trial investigation was launched. Until then, the woman did not receive the necessary help, she was forced to remain silent and suffer, and the impunity of the abusive man exacerbated his aggression to the point of cruelty and even the psychological and physical torture of the woman. The lagoon of the past, when there was no Law for the Protection against Domestic Violence, continues to be rampant in older families. Because in the past, domestic violence was canceled by “domestic conflict” without any consequence. The attackers were somewhat motivated. Many older women said that after the police left, the man was proud to say, “Well, what did you accomplish? The woman suffered violence for about 40 years and said she would not have asked for help because she no longer believed that anyone could help her. So this story shows the importance of keeping quiet and asking for help.

– Who is usually the family member who requests?

– Often there are the closest ones, parents, children, brothers, sisters. We have had cases reported by friends who called anonymously to inform them that they were

– If the person does not accept assistance, should the relevant authorities be contacted and informed?

– Of course, it is necessary because the institutions employ professionals who have great knowledge and experience in dealing with people who experience violence. Don’t say it will help 100 percent, but it’s worth a try.

– What advice would you give your loved ones, what to do if you suspect such a situation?

– Approach professionals who will undoubtedly accept and help family members to cope with this difficult situation and at the same time discuss the possibilities of helping the victim to go to specialists.