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“At first I thought only of adoption. That thought came to me maybe five years ago. When I shared this idea with my husband, he told me that he was waiting for me to offer to take this step, ”recalls Agnė, a renowned sports coach who shares various sports tips and family life moments on her Instagram account.
She adds that as soon as she decided to adopt with her husband, she was immediately interested in what the adoption process was all about.
“The process can be complicated for those who cannot wait. It takes a long time, because it is necessary to present certain documents, assess the health status of the parents, it is necessary to participate in trainings. For example, we filed the documents in June and the courses started in September and lasted until the new year.
Expecting a baby is everything, both rewarding and upsetting. We joke that the pregnancy of the parents we want to adopt begins when the conclusion is written, but we don’t know how long it will take, nine months or two years. In our case, it didn’t last long, about half a year, ”Agnė recalls.
He became a father overnight
The interlocutor assures that after completing the course just before the New Year in May, he was already holding his daughter Una, who is currently four years old.
“Nobody warns you when you will become a mother, we become parents in one day and your life will change radically, because with that new day you have to erase everything that has been in your life before. There was no moral or physical preparation, because you don’t know at what age the child will come to your house ”, Agn the recounts the first days with little Una.
Personal archive photo Agnė Mickevičiūtė-Butienė with his family
She says that the application to the adoption service can state the age of the child to be adopted, the health status, but the gender that she believes is an incorrect choice and therefore did not specify it.
“We did not choose the gender, because when you are waiting, you do not know who is going to be born, it is impossible to plan the gender. We joke that due to age we didn’t know what to buy, or pampersus, or sledding because we wanted a baby from birth to four years old.
Some parents want to experience what it means to raise a baby, see the first tooth, understand what sleepless nights are, and vice versa; other parents want an older child. I also want to emphasize that it is not the parents who find their children, but the family according to the child’s needs ”, he points out.
Motherhood changed as a personality
Agnė says that Una came home when she was only three weeks old. “When I received a letter from the Children’s Rights Service, I was sitting in a hairdresser. We went to the hospital to see Una and had to decide during the day if we would take her home. A few days later we got my daughter back, and after all, I had never had a baby on my hands, because there were no small children in our family, so there really were a lot of those first times.
That feeling is difficult to put into words, because only people who have experienced it can share it. It wasn’t the case that you were waiting for a little person for nine months; It all happened suddenly and we urgently bought the necessary things for the babies during the weekend, ”recalls Agnė.
Personal archive photo Agnė Mickevičiūtė-Butienė with his family
She says that she has received support from loved ones and said they can come to help at any time of the day, but Agnė adds that they got along perfectly with her husband.
“Of course those sleepless nights were normal; it was quite common to raise a baby, but we were probably in shock for the first half of the year, because I don’t understand what a great responsibility it is and then to live together and do everything. that you can for your son, in love with his son ”, says the interlocutor.
According to Agnė, the most important thing in parenting is love, and the word love includes many factors: understanding, caring, satisfaction of needs, acceptance of the child as it is, not assimilation.
I really like the idea that there are no perfect parents and you don’t need them, you have to be good enough.
“For the first time, a relationship between a child and a parent is developing, and so is our connection. We have always been together since we were born, we never let her take care of her, we traveled together and overall the emergence of Una strengthened me as a personality. Certain Petty things that bother you now just don’t matter, but at the same time a lot of anxiety and fears have arisen.
As a mother, you are constantly worried about your child and want him to be well. For example, before I danced with parachute without fear, practiced other extreme sports and was not afraid of anything, but now I tell myself to stop because I think first of my daughter and I want to be with her. On the other hand, I am no longer afraid of anything, for example work, I am not worried about other details and that gives me a lot of strength ”, says Agnė.
She adds that she used to be able to call herself the most impatient person in the world, and her daughter’s entry into family life helped her develop that patience.
“I really like the idea that there are no perfect parents and you don’t need them, you have to be good enough. You have to be good to your child, satisfy his needs and just love. I pamper my son and tell him who else but Will I, Mom, consent to it? Mom and Dad are the ones who have to do it. After all, the world is everything and we parents must be a haven of peace, “says Agnė.
Fears are overcome with the desire to have children
A. Mickevičiūtė-Butienė says that the family and her relatives knew they were on the path of adoption, and she always felt their support, and today that support has turned into a great love for her entire family.
When you meet your child, you will definitely feel it, and that journey together is definitely worth it.
“To those who want to adopt, I want to say that doubting is normal, we are always excited and in doubt when we go down a path unknown to us, but in this case, the great desire to have children and share love prevails. Listen to your heart and intuition, not other people. You know for yourself what is best for you. When you meet your son, he will definitely feel it, and that journey together is really worth it, ”says Agnė.
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