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“Now I’m glad I don’t have to think about what to steal, what to cheat because I live clean and sober. In the morning I wake up in a good mood, in good health, I am happy, satisfied.
I can drink coffee and savor, walk, listen to the birds. Because when you use it, nothing is interesting, you don’t see life, “says Ivan openly.
He does not hide the fact that he sees a marked change not only in his well-being, behavior and choices, but also in photographs that seem to tell of two different lives of this man.
“When I got high and entered the rehab center, I looked cruel. I recognized myself in the photos, but I said that I would not show them anymore because it is scary. Now I like it better, “Ivan smiles.
Drug use started in adolescence
The story of his addiction began when he was a child. When he was 7 years old, Iván was already smoking cigarettes, and there were about 11 left sniffing glue. Soon drugs also appeared in his life.
“From the age of 16 I started using drugs like heroin and amphetamines. It was all about childhood, that’s my trauma. My eternal father beat me, tortured me, ran away from home, and what could I, as a homeless child, get on the streets?
Life was hurt, friends came, I got interested, I thought maybe I would be breastsas they say when I use it. So one try is enough. You don’t need much, “says Ivan.
This seemed to help solve the problems.
From that moment on, the man’s drug-soaked daily life began. He used them for various reasons, which, as he puts it, could have gone up to a thousand.
“You can get mad at your wife and instead of going to buy flowers, you go to eat. You will have a headache, you will lose your wallet with money, you can go to consume. Why do you use it? Oh, I failed at something.
But it is possible to live, not consume. We just fail that way. There are many reasons and we are used to finding them, blaming everyone else, but not ourselves ”, says the man openly and adds that after taking all the problems they disappeared:
“It just came to our attention then rags heaven and everything, no problem. They happen when there are no drugs, when you need to think about where to get them. “
I’m so sorry for poisoning others
The intoxicants need a lot of money, but Ivan admits that reconciling work with drug use is impossible. Although he was never afraid to work hard, he was unable to stay in the workplace because he needed a dose of the drug.
“You use drugs not because you don’t want to work, but because you can’t. Work becomes unbearable because you can’t work in a state of abstinence. It can be controlled for a week, after which everything: health will no longer be under control. When abstinence begins, you have to consume a lot every day, several times, sometimes up to a dozen ”, says the man.
He says that managers, over time, notice that you are not doing your job, maybe you are not even at work because you are dizzy at the time. Eventually, it all ends with firing, which becomes another reason for drug use.
When there is no work left, there is automatically no source of money for drugs. In such cases, Ivan was “saved” by robberies and other dirty jobs, which led to him spending a total of almost twenty years in prison:
“I needed money, so I stole, I stole, I sold drugs. What makes me hate myself the most is not so much because I used it, but because I sold drugs to poison others. To satisfy my needs, I poison other people … “
Not being in jail is like a miracle
Ivan says he spent only a year and a half in prison at the age of 18, and that he only returned to prison after a couple of months for the crimes he had committed.
“I want to forget that life, I don’t want to remember jail at all. I don’t want to think about it and I want to forget about never coming back. The last time I got out of jail after 8 years was in October 2018 and I’m not going back there. ”Says the man.
It is true that recently there was a trial for Ivan’s fate, as he was again threatened with imprisonment. However, this was avoided, which amounts to the greatest miracle for him.
“When I came back from prison I worked, everything was fine, I had a good life, but I changed my leg, I went back to taking drugs, I fell to the bottom. One day my sister met the leader of New Life, who took me downtown.
There was a desire to get out and escape, I did not want to recover, but I had problems with the police, perhaps it was a more selfish incentive not to go to jail because when you are in the center, you need that in mind.
A trial was recently held and I was given probation. I thought that no one would save me, but everyone in the center prayed for me, me too, the manager characterized himself for me and did not stand up to me. For me it is a miracle, God saved me ”, Ivan does not doubt.
The only person who didn’t turn around was a sister.
He does not hide the fact that he has thought about throwing drugs many times, most of the time when he was in prison. However, when he was released again, it became impossible to resist drugs:
“There is a lot of time to think about everything, but when I left, not immediately, after a while I started using it again. There have been attempts to quit smoking more than once, but I think this center is the last one.
Now all the wishes, small dreams and requests are being fulfilled, my prayers are being heard, so I have no wishes or need to follow that path ”.
Ivan says that he no longer wants to hurt his loved ones, because he has lost so much to drugs:
“I’m tired of hurting my loved ones, I don’t want to be alone. I can’t torture people in my whole life. I have a very good sister who cares for me until now, half of the relatives got mad for me but still that way they don’t go away.
When you wear it, there is a person close by your side, but you had to stand out all the time. I lost everything during the consumption, now I can’t even communicate with my daughter, but I plan to renew the relationship, only now she is in England and I don’t have a phone.
There really are a lot of problems, a lot to rebuild. But the only person who didn’t turn around was my sister. “
Now don’t think about the drugs
Ivan says that he is now learning to live in this day and not planning too much in advance because it all starts with small steps:
“Now the first place for me is the greeting and the completion of the center. Its good name is “New life”. I am also trying to start that new life. So far, I am learning, so far.
He was convinced that living sober is much better than living with drugs. I see acquaintances in the city and I feel very sorry for them. Frozen, fasting is a canine life. And I feel good today. “
The man emphasizes that his faith in God and his prayers, the support of the center staff, and his own stubbornness help him recover.
“It would be a great shame for me to erase everything myself, how much effort has been put in, how much has already passed. There was a trial, I was not sitting, I could turn around and get out of here, but then it would all be in vain. There are people who take care of me, who put all their help, I invest in myself.
Being at the center for half a year, I didn’t want to use it at all. I wanted to go out, there was everything, but most importantly, I did not want to consume. We have things like relapses, I don’t know if they will accompany me, but I don’t want to until today ”, shares the interlocutor.
You want to lead others by example.
Ivan reveals that he sometimes thinks about the fact that in the future he would like to help addicted people and share his experiences.
“I don’t know who God prepared me for, but who I prepared myself for, I will. I have experience and I know that I can help someone, maybe I will be an example for someone in the future, because I am not sober yet. But I want to show that if you want, anything is possible.
I was constantly forced to do drugs in jail. And now I could go out and assume when I was having a bad time, when there was abstinence, but I did not come out, I suffered everything and I can be such an example that everything can be suffered.
I would be happy if my example helped someone “, – Ivan sincerely concludes the conversation.
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