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According to the Lithuanian Episcopal Conference (LVK), the process of annulment of an ecclesiastical marriage is not as simple as a civil one, and the fee for the service is just the tip of the iceberg: the total amount may be higher.
After a few decades of life, Elena of Vilnius, who wanted to annul the marriage by the church separately (name changed to automatic mail) She faced a lot of unexpected questions from the church, from calls to remember the beginning of sex to an attempt to reconcile her with the ex-husband who had already started another family.
Elena had a civil marriage with her ex-husband in the 1980s. At first, the couple didn’t even think about church weddings, but in the end, as the woman herself tells tv3.lt, there was simply no other way out.
“I am only baptized in the church, not communion. I do not know the customs of the church, I teach three pottery. My parents didn’t draw me after church. {…} So my husband and I had already decided to divorce. But before that, we decided for ourselves and the parents asked us to baptize the children.
All right, we went to church. Question: Do you have a church marriage? We say no, we never need it. They say we will not allow children to be baptized until there is that marriage. And that’s it, “Elena recalls.
The woman noted that both the church marriage and infant baptism took place on the same day. The couple divorced exactly after half a year.
Elena has been living with her ex-husband in the apartment for 29 years. Although both have already formed other families, according to the woman, for some time she did not value the divorce from the church. However, according to Elena, a thought expressed by the ex-husband forced her to take this step.
“They called and joked so badly. He was so captivated by me. She says, ‘Whatever it is, you will remain my wife forever,” she remembers.
It was after her ex-husband’s failed prank that Elena decided it was still time to end the church marriage.
The questions asked by the church were surprised
Wishing to end the church marriage, the woman went to church and was amazed at how difficult it was to do so.
“I started walking towards the church. He gives me that sheet to fill out: where the wedding celebration took place, who attended, when the sex began. I explain that our children were already schoolgirls when that marriage took place, ”says the woman.
The priest Mykolas Sotničenka, deputy general secretary of the Lithuanian Episcopal Conference (LVK), explains to the news portal tv3.lt that this is a common practice faced by all couples determined to end their marriage for the church .
“The ecclesiastical court usually provides this type of questionnaire, about 20 questions. According to them, you must file a lawsuit. That questionnaire includes things that were at the beginning of the marriage, friendship. Because for the church marriage, it doesn’t matter what happened ten years after the marriage, but it does matter what happened in the beginning.
As a result, people sometimes get angry when they see such problems. How did they make friends, did they live together, when the sex started, everything was fine, there were no obligations, there were no dependencies? ”- M. Sotnichenko explains the beginning of the divorce process.
According to the priest, both spouses are also questioned separately, then each of them is asked to bring several witnesses who can evaluate the marriage and its beginning from the side.
According to Elena, the witnesses of her wedding are now scattered all over the world, the woman says that she did not want to look for them for this reason, since the relationship has long been broken. The woman wonders if witnesses can know the details of what happened outside the family’s doorstep.
“I say that I cannot look for witnesses in the whole world. {…} Witnesses cannot know it, a person has to be with us day after day to know how we really live in that marriage,” he says.
The two had already formed separate families, but the priest offered to reconcile
After viewing the questionnaire, Elena lowered her hands, but after a while she filed for divorce again. This time, she told the court all the reasons why she did not want to defame her husband, and the marriage was made out of necessity:
“I wrote the essay with my own hand that there is no problem, that so many years of civil marriage have been dissolved, all adults have other families, the children of those families.
I returned to gather all the documents, then I went to the church of Pedro and Pablo, I went to the office, I put everything on the table and told myself to take care of myself ”, the woman recalled.
A month later, the woman received a surprising call from the priest, who offered to reconcile the ex-husbands.
“He says – I’m destined to reconcile you so you can come back to the family. Listen, I mean, take a break once. We’ve been divorced for 29 years. We have other families. He apologized, said he couldn’t help it,” Elena says.
Mr. Sotnichenko, who himself works in an ecclesiastical court and consults couples, says that all the appellants also receive that call. Sometimes couples reconcile, in other cases the priest’s help is not needed.
“I remember when, six years ago, as soon as I started working in the church court, the process took much longer due to lack of staff. It used to be that after a year I called people, told them that maybe you wanted to reconcile, they replied that they had already reconciled while waiting. What beautiful success stories, ”says the priest.
Most shocking was the cost of the annulment of a marriage by the church
M. Sotnichenko does not hide that the procedure for annulment of an ecclesiastical marriage is not very cheap. Last year, LVK approved a fee for this service applicable throughout Lithuania: 200 euros. However, it can be even higher.
“It just came to our notice then. It’s much bigger and most of it is covered by the diocese. What’s included in the total amount: meetings, surveys, staff salaries, heat, water, transportation services. The whole process.
That price is not final. Sometimes, when it is necessary to resort to expert consultations, meetings of doctors and psychologists, it may be possible to request additional services for their services ”, says the priest.
Elena has also received a letter that she must pay 200 euros for the annulment of a marriage by the church. He was astonished to see such a large sum.
“I saw the amount … I didn’t want that marriage, they forced us. Maybe that priest can pay who took such drastic measures (when the children were baptized – last aut.)..
Since my ex-spouse knew I was going to church for a divorce and there was nothing against it, I wrote him a message: I don’t play that game anymore, I really won’t pay and I don’t think you should. to pay.
You better make a donation to the shelter. I don’t see the need to help priests so much who are already overwhelmed with all kinds of goodies, ”the woman shares.
Representative of the Episcopal Conference of Lithuania: takes into account the material situation
According to the priest M. Sotnichenko, it is necessary to emphasize that this is an indicative amount. According to him, the church always takes into account the material situation of the applicant, evaluates each situation differently.
“All you have to do is write a request to the bishop. There has never been a situation like this in which the case has not been heard because you have not paid, ”says M. Sotnichenko.
Elena also shared her story on social media. She says that since then she has received a series of messages in which other women have shared very similar experiences: “One woman said she would basically quit to learn a thousand. You know, for me, nothing is more rigid when people make life in principle. In principle, I will donate that amount to a shelter, not to a church. “
According to the priest, divorce from a church marriage can become a complicated process because the marriage itself is not for everyone. For those who are determined to do so, you need to think carefully before that.
“Now, a couple of years ago, the Lithuanian bishops have slightly extended the preparation for church marriage from three months to five. You must apply at least five months in advance. Both during conversations with the priest and during During the fiancée, an attempt is made both to find out and to count all those situations that could lead to an ecclesiastical marriage not taking place.
The essence of ecclesiastical marriage is unity and indivisibility, ”explains the deputy general secretary of LVK, priest M. Sotničenka.
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