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“Mom, it seems to me that Santa is not there. Dad, or maybe you are Santa? And they told me in kindergarten that my parents leave gifts under the Christmas tree … ”All families will hear those words, sooner or later. How should we talk to Santa about children? We discussed this with a psychologist. Kristina Jievaitiene.
Personal file photo Psychologist Kristina Jievaitienė
– How should we start talking about Santa Claus and what should be the position of parents from the beginning? Do they have to say that Santa really is?
– Let’s look first at our family traditions: what are we going to create? Don’t we, even as adults, have a desire to create and experience a festive and welcoming atmosphere in our home? Do we not feel joy and pleasure in participating in the realization of at least symbolic Christmas ideas?
After all, even as adults, we still experience joy while waiting for the festive period: we decorate our house, workplace, where we feel comfortable, we look for ideas, we think about how to greet relatives, neighbors, colleagues, how to help each other, think of a gift and give it to him under the cover of Santa.
I have no doubt that we are looking forward to this winter break, waiting for Santa Claus to visit us, we have both wishes and dreams. At Christmas, you want to forget disagreements, communicate more, enjoy being together. So how can we prevent a child from believing in Santa Claus, taking away faith in a miracle?
Of course, each family decides according to their faith and attitude what position to follow, what and how much to say to the child. However, I would like to emphasize that adults are already capable of accepting this process as a normal phenomenon, the continuity and creation of traditions, and this part of children is still masked by the characteristics of their age.
Reuters / Photo by Scanpix / Santa Claus awaits the holidays in Lapland
The thinking of young offspring due to natural development processes is still based on the principle of self-centeredness, the perception of the world and the environment is very direct, they believe what they see, what their parents say, it is still difficult for them to understand meanings symbolic and abstract.
As a result, children often create the image of Santa Claus as a real person, because how else? Alone in the environment, there are many drawings of Santa Claus, with all his deer and sleighs, full of gifts. Children love fairy tales, it gives them good emotions: it is the time of parents, communication, closeness.
Waiting for Santa Claus in the family creates a welcoming and joyful atmosphere, parents look at their little ones, enjoy their sincerity, smile.
Waiting for Santa Claus in the family creates a welcoming and joyful atmosphere, parents look at their little ones, enjoy their sincerity, smile. For even more beautiful moments, start creating additional signs, causing a squeak, leaving traces or the like.
It really gives children a pleasant emotion, surprise, stimulates creativity, child’s imagination, develops patience, teaches beautiful behaviors to each other, chooses what is most important to him, what he would like the most, not having everything and many other things important to the child’s personality. .
With this behavior, parents seek to provide the child with as many new and rewarding experiences and emotions as possible. Seeing bright eyes, that anticipation, the ability to control impatience, creating dreams, writing letters, creating traditions that strengthen communication and connection in the family.
With this behavior, parents seek to provide the child with as many new and rewarding experiences and emotions as possible.
This is how each family’s story unfolds about Santa Claus and his participation in the life of a child; definitely not a bad thing. When the time comes and the child grows up, this fairy tale being created will naturally be accepted as a reality, separating the real things from the fictional, and the child will have many beautiful and pleasant memories.
The problem is that parents, by creating and becoming more inventive each year, are caught, so to speak, in the “traps of lies”, which, although based on beautiful aspirations, put parents in a difficult position. Then they no longer know how to escape when a child grows up and they are afraid to tell the truth.
Photo from 123RF.com / Santa Claus tired
They are concerned about ruining the children’s dream of children getting angry, so it is important to feel moderate about their family situation and creating details so that they do not have to worry about how to justify themselves and escape the truth. Even when a child learns that their parents help the character of Santa Claus to come and perform at home, it is worth remembering to keep the accent on Santa Claus as a symbol of love, kindness and closeness to each other. Be honest with children and they won’t really get mad at you.
– How do children react when they discover that Santa is their parents?
– Oh, the reactions are really very diverse. It is normal for a child to feel confused and surprised at first when they learn the truth. It can be hard for him to believe that what has happened for several years, what he believed so strongly, will suddenly take over and disappear. It is true that among the youngest, this theme does not develop, because all classmates still believe in Santa Claus.
Clarification of the truth begins when children grow older, reach a higher level of maturity, have more opportunities to communicate with their peers, so sometimes in the first or second grade, there can be reflections among children about who has heard Santa.
Reuters / Photo by Scanpix / Santa Claus awaits the holidays in Lapland
Often, the older children in the family begin to tease the younger ones and the older ones at school raise doubts. At first, the little ones may try to deny the knowledge they have heard, not wanting to lose their knowledge, the belief that Santa Claus really exists.
It may hurt and sadden the child, but in the end they will definitely be able to deal with it. It is the parent’s job to stay calm and not overstressed, not to trick the child into creating stories and trying to escape. I have heard really funny stories from children and parents themselves, when children begin to have doubts and more often they begin to ask questions, verify information, follow relatives, when and for how long they got up and left the festive table, consider what they did there, begin to notice the adults. forgotten details like the same Santa Claus and Father slippers or similar.
I have heard really funny stories from children and parents themselves, when children begin to have doubts and begin to ask questions, verify information, follow their loved ones more often.
This leads to too many discrepancies, then conversations between colleagues continue and the stories heard generate even more confusion. Children want to satisfy their need for curiosity, this is perfectly normal, so parents have nothing to fear. Children must learn to accept less pleasant things, and you must help them survive the feelings they have experienced.
It is likely that faith and anticipation will not disappear, only that the child will already be able to appreciate the role of Santa Claus and how he can contribute to the continuity of the construction of tradition. Let the child make the decision of how Santa Claus will look. With the help of conversations, we can help the child to rethink and adapt everything.
– But children can ask their parents why they received a simple gift, and a friend is extremely expensive, dreamed of. After all, Santa Claus brings everything he wants! How to deal with such a situation?
– Well, parents should not forget to communicate with the child and talk, argue, seek explanations together, reassure the child. Children don’t always expect a direct answer, so they must wait and allow themselves to say what they think is happening. The important moment here is what values we guide ourselves and what we transmit to the child.
If the size and quantity of the gifts is the most important thing, it is really unfortunate, because the child will focus only on this and can be really upset.
If the most important part will be the size and quantity of the gifts, it is really unfortunate because the child will focus only on that too, and it can really get upset that a friend has received something more expensive or bigger. The child learns from his parents, so think about what kind of opinion is formed about Christmas gifts and where are those accents, whether it is to focus on their quantity, size or more attention to each other, application of gifts, ideas with sincere wishes .
Photo from 123RF.com/Christmas Gifts
“Be a good kid or Santa won’t come to you.” We have heard this phrase ourselves, we have also said it to our children. Is it correct to say that?
– Well, from time to time, use the position of Santa Claus to remind the child and repeat why it is appropriate to behave correctly, follow the rules, it will not be bad, but it should not be repeated constantly or in situations where parents no longer they know how to discipline their children.
The saying that your grandfather will no longer love you will not come to you, it will only create unpleasant feelings in the child, which he will not be able to express and live properly due to his young age. Children wait long and patiently for the miracle of Santa Claus, and relying on the fear that that grandfather will not come can only generate extra tension and annoyance in the child, a completely opposite reaction to what parents expect (who will understand and be calm). Especially if we know that the grandfather will definitely bring gifts to the child, then what is the point of such disciplinary action?
It won’t do any good because the child won’t understand what he did wrong then because the gifts were still received. The question of trust in parents may arise because what they said was not true. Most of the time, just reminisce with the child, discuss their expected behavior, the consequences, and tell the child what is really going to happen.
– There comes a time when children no longer believe in Santa Claus. What happens? How to deal with parents in this case?
– This is a more important moment for parents than for the child himself. The child is really able to stay with this message about Santa Claus, accepting reality as it really is. It happens in a very natural way: the child grows, his thinking, maturity, perception of the environment changes. Children experience reality naturally and spontaneously and begin to understand it without great emotional trauma.
Parents have a harder time coping with the growing excitement and anxiety of what to do here. Reflections begin, attempts to get away from the topic, which makes the child even more interested, and sometimes the impression is that the children are trying to demand answers, angry.
But if parents do not dare to argue, to express their opinion, to emphasize, and whatever the symbolism of Santa Claus gives to our family, to mother or father, to the child himself, then the child without a doubt he gets anxious and angry, why no one is telling the truth.
Children observe their parents: they are the authority for him, so when the parents themselves seem scared and confused, they continue to create confusing lies while avoiding a more open conversation, the child may begin to seek the truth elsewhere and definitely I will find it. When will it be, a very individual question, since it is related to the child’s personality and the course of his development, maturity.
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