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Egle herself grew up with a brother, with whom she was not hiding, was not very close, and only began to communicate more as adults. However, as a child, she dreamed of a large and numerous family. But in those days, she considered a large family with 3 or 4 children.
“My friend had 3 children, which seemed like a lot to me at the time. When I grew up, two children in the family seemed the norm, and three or four children were very numerous. I wanted the same number of them. When I met my husband and found out that he had 8 children in his family, it seemed that it was an incomprehensible number, ”the woman laughs.
Because of her love for children, Eglė got a job in kindergarten as a child, where her mother also worked.
“At that time, we were able to get a job very early and I was working in kindergarten in the summer. I was not an educator, but I was always around the children.
Can’t say I’m passing out for all the kids right now. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say that I love people. I also look at the child as a person, I do not treat him exclusively.
One of my pupils, whom we met when she was 13, even said that she had a big difference with us in the family because before that everyone saw her as a child and I interacted as an equal to myself. Of course, when a child is 3 years old, he cannot do that. But when I talk to a teenager, I see an adult who hasn’t grown up yet, ”he says.
Dreamed of a girl
After starting a family, Egle and her husband did not talk about having a large family and many children. She had only said that she would definitely have a child from the nursing home. The woman imagined that it would be a little girl who needed a mother.
“Everything fell in such a way that the first boy who came to us, almost entering adolescence, came to us. We spent the week with that boy, Bug, in the hospital in the same ward. My daughter was ill at the time. The flu epidemic brought us together. A connection was made while I was in the hospital that week. At that time, I was expecting my third child and the hormones were working, then the feeling of saving the world became acute, the nest was twisted, “he says with a warm voice in his voice.
The woman could not ignore the connection and, in consultation with her husband, decided to accept the Bug into her family. The boy started calling Egle’s mother within a few weeks.
“The other kids started calling me that even earlier, because it would probably be hard to go any other way when other kids say ‘mama’. That’s my name in the family: mama.
When I say that I am a mother of 14 children, 14 children call me mother. I did not take care of all of them, 3 of them are the sisters of our neighborhood, whom I did not have the authority to take care of, because they were already too old to take care of. But we have an emotional relationship between mother and daughter.
I don’t have children, but my name is those with whom we have understood in our hearts that we are a family ”, Eglė smiles.
Rasa aged 6, Ligita aged 10, Gabija aged 12, Miglė aged 14, Oskaras, Martynas, Edvinas aged 16, Scarlet aged 17, Einor aged 18, Karolina aged 21 and Rimgailė, Augustus and Clyde, 22, Deimant, 26, everyone calls Egle Mama, and Laura, 12, who lives together, is temporarily staying with her family. Egle believes that Laura will return to her biological family.
Adolescence is not intimidating
Questions about which children are biological and which are not, according to Egle, are a thing of the past. People don’t ask questions anymore, although when children started caring for them 14 years ago, the question often came up.
“It just came to our attention then. Some thought we were too young to make such mature decisions. There were comments on this at the beginning. When there were the first six (3 biological and 3 non-biological children) it was very important for people to distinguish which is real here and which one is not.
When I touch children, they all seem real, so I don’t know why that question might have come up for others. I do not divide. These are my children who have the same rights and responsibilities and they are all educated equally, ”says Eglė.
Only one girl joined the Vaitkevičius family at the age of 2, and all the other children were older, aged 7 to 13. The woman herself says that adolescence did not intimidate her because she realized that adolescents are no longer little children.
“A teenager is a small adult to me and if an adult is not intimidated, he should not be bullied by a teenager. I understand that the child understands himself and feels the way others look at him. Of course not I can say that there is no problem with adolescence, but again, what are the problems?
It’s kind of sad that people are afraid of teenagers because they are educated and they will not change them anymore. Judging from this, the two people should be afraid to get into a relationship because they are already adults and will no longer replace each other. But somehow we found common ground, a compromise and we talked, ”he thinks.
In the past, mothers of large families also had to hear myths about “bad” genes, but women have a strong opinion on this issue.
“I always know the children’s past because they are old enough to tell it themselves. And because of genetic theory … No child was born with a gene for addiction or violence. The environment makes them angry adults who cannot take care of their children or abuse them.
Fifteen children passed through my hands and my heart, some of them in our house were temporarily cared for, but they are all great people. Some of them may have been angry, scared, but we solved everything, ”he says.
Biological connections have lost their meaning
Almost all the children who call Egle’s mother come from 3 families, so when 3 or 5 children leave the residence, according to her, the work is reduced. As a result, workers sometimes worry about their work because it is difficult to get a job in rural areas.
“I understand that employees are afraid of losing their jobs. It felt like they had been put in an orphanage, that now you would be a slave, you would go driving, you would be exploited. It was never the case that we just took the children. We went to the guests to get to know each other, to make a connection, so we had no problems.
Of course, perhaps there were doubts with the children when they would start exploiting them here. I really know cases of this type in which a foster girl was temporarily told that we were going to wash the dishes and for her it was a factor that the educator was right: she would be exploited. The girl had the greatest hysteria about not being a slave. Children come not very prepared. And in our case it was difficult for the children, but now we laugh at that, ”he recalls.
According to the mother, there is no biological leverage in her home. Children are not distinguished from each other as related by blood ties.
“Of course, the relationship between the two is closer and they get along better. I don’t force them to go and communicate. There are episodes of miscommunication, inconsistencies of character, but I think it’s normal in such a large team.
Our parents and husband adopted a large number of grandchildren as a given. There was always support from them. They do not care who is the biological grandchild and who is not. They love all children ”, the woman smiles.
Children always come back
Six of Egle’s children have already left home. They are all adults: they study, work, seek their happiness in Lithuania and abroad. An 18-year-old is still at home, he is in the 12th grade. However, all children always return to Zarasai because their home is here.
“It just came to our knowledge then. They spend their vacations at home, although they could travel all over the world. None of the family left, so I would not return. Even when they grew up, our relationship did not deteriorate. The student’s daughter, who he is studying in England, he is now at home and all his studies continue. online “, – she says.
Egle laughs that there are always queues for them to shower at home, because there are usually 11 people at home, 9 of which are children.
“When it comes to vacations and quarantine, it is different. Usually when they go to school I make lunch and go to work. When they returned, there was a queue for homework and extracurricular activities. But now because of the quarantine everything is different.
The first shock was in the spring, during the first quarantine. Then it was very unexpected because they all closed like this in one day. When the students returned home, they couldn’t even go to the dormitories to pick up items. Now they have returned to the holidays with much more: “yes what”.
We have bought a house for adult children near our house, so that the students can be there alone ”, he smiles.
There is a lot of sound and light in the holidays.
Egle says the advantage of their home is that they have their own patio that they can go out to if they want peace.
“We don’t care much about quarantine now, but of course I had fun that lunch at home in my day. The opinion of the children is divided in half: some are happy and others say that it would be better to go to school. Today while having coffee I was doing sixth grade geography homework, this is how it changed.
I am a felt craftsman so it is work season for me at the moment. State child support provides the bread and butter, but if we want games, we have to work on them. Of course, laundries and treatments are going nowhere. But when the children are at home, I can ask them to shave potatoes, and when they are at school, it is not very possible, ”he says.
The woman jokes that the festivities in her house resemble the famous phrase of Egidijus Dragūnas-SEL “there will be a lot of sound and light”. At home, the family gathers all the children’s desks in one place and everyone who sits at such a long table celebrates.
“There has never been a thought or situation that made me regret becoming a caregiver. I think those thoughts invade us when we reach a certain threshold. I never allowed myself to reach her. When I have too much noise or responsibilities, I share them with my husband or mother, I ask my friends for help.
I have a very good friend who helps me, comes for a few days and prepares lunch when I can rest, do my chores or just fall asleep at that time. To me, these are gifts of gold value. I never broke down, ”he says with a smile.
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