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The American Society for Addiction Medicine identifies sex addiction as a brain disorder. It gives the brain feelings of reward and motivation.
The doctor, sex therapist, psychotherapist Vitalijus Žukas confirms: sex addiction is a disease like everything else.
“Most of the people have addictions. There are other more common ones like tea, coffee, sweets. Get more interested in computer games, shopping, and even religion. Among the most common addictions are alcohol, drugs, gambling. Sex addiction is simply less known, very hidden.
But it is a disease on all international charts. Very pronounced biochemical changes occur in the brain. In the case of some addictions, they are more pronounced, in others, smaller. Changes in sexual addiction, as well as in alcohol and drugs, are more pronounced. Because these are diseases, they require treatment.
The essence of addiction: impulse control disorder. Inability to control your sexual behavior patterns. Obsessive thoughts often turn into actions, and in the later stages of addiction, major personal changes occur. This problem is very pronounced, but people are particularly prone to disguising it.
It has been considered addictive since roughly the 1980s. For a long time people with this disorder were thought to be prostitutes, don Juan, Kazanova, prostitutes, prostitutes. It was thought that it was just a choice that he could control. But now the neurosciences have identified it as a disorder, “explained the doctor.
© DELFI montage
Vitalijus Žukas
Statistics show that 5-10 percent. people addicted to sex, but the real figures, according to the psychotherapist, are much higher.
“Cyber suits have appeared, sex robots are talking, they can say up to 30 sentences. In 2010, there were 25 million people in the world. Porn sites. 200 new ones are created every day. Is that why they are created? There are so many users. This is the biggest niche for sexual addictions. So the official statistics are nothing compared to these real numbers, “said V. Žukas.
Three groups of addictions
There are three types of sex addictions. The first group, considered the largest. She, according to the doctor, includes intrusive masturbation, cybersex, relationships with prostitutes, telephone sex, swingers and strip clubs, frequent viewing of pornographic images, constant cheating on a partner or partner.
“Most of them are addicted to pornographic images. There are also a number of people who change and cheat on their partners. Other phenomena are less common. Intrusive masturbation is very common, but people who experience it do not usually go to the doctors.
Second group: voyeurism, exhibitionism. American scientists classify them as addictive.
Third group: sexual slavery, violence, rape, child pornography. This is already a penal code, but in medicine these things are also classified as diseases, ”explained V. Žukas.
Also, he noted, addiction can turn into love and romantic feelings. In this case, the mechanisms are very similar to those that operate in the first group.
True family stories
The constant need of a man addicted to sex to have a relationship with his wife practically disappears – V. Žukas explained that everything happens in “extracurricular activities”. The wife feels that the man with her only as a mechanical robot becomes insensitive. And he, meanwhile, realizes himself elsewhere.
“It just came to our knowledge then. Social, work, family, pampering and relationships with children. At work, a person is tormented by obsessive thoughts, which he wants to do as soon as possible. It is so disturbing that a person cannot focus on the job.
A customer was driving a car, saw beautiful young women and immediately felt a cruel lust. He began to ride side by side, talking to them. The excitement is enormous, the tension increases.
A small impulse is enough to activate a complex mechanism. There are about 300 substances in the brain that determine our behavior, emotions, and feelings. Excited, dopamine is released – the factory kicks in and then the addicted person must definitely take notice.
Thoughts can also activate the mechanism. You start to think, to fantasize, to get excited, dopamine is already different. And then somehow take action.
The other person, with whom, by the way, the result of the work was very good, had that attitude. Successful man, wife and children. He visited a speed dating portal. Where they “support” each other and everything – get together for sex.
He was upset about something, he tried that device, he liked it, he liked it for the second, third time. Everything you see when you don’t see it, something is already missing. Everything in your brain is already connected to that activity. Every week after the adventure. And when you return home: self-pity, depression, guilt. The wife sees everything. Now, when the treatment is successful, the mistakes and the “adventures” have stopped.
Women experience this addiction less, but of course they do. Again, one of the cases: a successful woman, manager of a company, sex with a man is also like a good orgasm, just rare, but it seems that everything in her life is good.
But she always had to confirm from the side that she was coveted. There were 3-4 men next to the man. One week with another, another with another. She used to say: I get dopamine, I feel wanted in the market. So the work was better and the family happier. And I really relied on relationships outside the family to strengthen vulnerable self-esteem, ”said the psychotherapist.
There are many ways to help
The doctor agreed that most are ashamed to admit their problem and, in general, some deny having it.
“It just came to our attention then. Apply almost as soon as you already receive the ultimatums from the other side: divorce or seek treatment. First, everyone denies their problem or seeks other explanations. Nonsense, there is nothing wrong with this, I am just diversifying my life.
It is rare for a person to apply. Generally, a person applies when he begins to interfere with the activities of the day, even at work, “said V. Žukas.
There are several treatments. These include individual and group psychotherapy, as well as medication.
“The treatment solves deep psychological problems. Addictions flee from various difficulties. The goal is to reduce stress, overcome emotional loneliness, fear of establishing close relationships.
For example, if my mom or dad left me, I may be afraid to get into a close relationship. Then weave superficially. Low self-esteem, childhood trauma, abusive parents, sexual and domestic violence, psychological violence. The oral phase is successful or not, it is passed, that basic confidence is built during the first year of life.
The essence: the baby should calm down optimally for the first two years, get milk, hold hands, cry, should calm down. This stage is rarely passed by anyone. After three months, does the mother go to work? Instead, a stranger, a babysitter. Most of the problems come from that first stage.
Help with psychotherapy: individual or group. There are groups that function in a similar way to the Minnesota program; in Kaunas, I know, there are at least two groups. Also, antidepressants.
This is constant work on yourself. For example, addiction to sex during treatment can be replaced by a sports addiction or a healthier one. It is possible to live a quality life ”, assured the psychotherapist.
Although women often decide to publicly acknowledge a sex addicted man only to those who have divorced him, the doctor explained that divorce is far from necessary for that relationship to end. If only the person is motivated enough to be treated, the family can be saved.
“If women are smart and understand that it is a disease, divorce does not necessarily occur. The person turns, he is treated, the mistakes of the left stop. It is necessary to encourage the person to heal. However, the person herself must be motivated If a man has no motivation and only comes to “put a plus” in front of his wife, no one will help him.
And if a person begins treatment and its results are successful, the family can go on living. Clearly, those experiences leave a mark. It takes time to start trusting. Time is partly the best doctor for the second half, “said V. Žukas.
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