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The man abandoned the boy.
Jūratė discovered that he was waiting for his 32nd birthday. A reunion with a friend from the past, with whom he had previously had a closer relationship, became an overnight novel after an influx of passions. One, because it did not happen again, and the man, upon learning that she was waiting, did not go to the speeches, he does not want to have children.
“I was very confused, scared, I didn’t know what to do, there was so much confusion, it seems that I feel shame and fear. Maybe it would have been easier if I had received his support, not necessarily that we are going to live together, but that we will grow to help .
I was supported by family, friends, but there was a great lack of support from the other half, I felt abandoned and lost. And he said categorically that he did not want children. Suggested: want, walk, order, carry, carry and go. It was difficult to hear that, “says the interlocutor.
Photo from 123RF.com/Pregnant woman.
At the heart of a crisis, pregnancy is compassion and support.
Hoping to receive psychological help and not make hasty decisions, Jūratė went to the Pregnancy Crisis Center.
“I went to the Crisis Pregnancy Center, and I also spoke a lot with those around me, from whom I really received a lot of support, including unexpected tears of happiness, joy. All this helped me decide that the baby would come into this world.
I visited the Crisis Pregnancy Center later. At the time, it was especially important to have like-minded women and women with a similar destiny, because another woman would be pregnant, but if she’s in the family, she won’t understand how I feel and what I’m going through.
And there I met women whose situations are very similar. So it was very easy to open and share. I knew that I was not only bowing my head, but that I really understood and understood them. I felt compassion and support there, Jūratė shares his story. – Furthermore, the perception and stereotype that only antisocial women visit the Crisis Pregnancy Center has collapsed enormously. It turns out not. “
Dad made it possible to understand his selfishness.
This pregnancy is the second for Jūrate. The woman is raising a ten-year-old daughter alone, whose father left them both when the girl was only two years old.
Not to mention a few questions to consider: what is the difference between an unplanned pregnancy and when you are still a very young and mature woman? Jūratė is open, no matter how old you are, 32 or 16, in such a situation the ground slides under your feet.
“He had great plans. My oldest daughter and I were planning to travel to Thailand indefinitely. When I found out I was waiting, I thought: how is everything now, like my plans, my trips, my work? I think there is no difference, you are older or a teenager, that selfishness “for me, me, for me” stands out.
My father put me on the ground on this issue, said: “You look at it very selfishly, you look at everything from a broader perspective and selflessly.” I am very grateful to my father that he was not ashamed and was not afraid to call me selfish, that rude phrase he said to me is very rude. it helped, – says Jūratė.
I am very grateful to my father because he was not ashamed and was not afraid to call me selfish, that rude phrase helped me a lot.
– I was also very afraid of being with two children now, who would take me, who would I need. And my dad said, “And why did you need one? That’s exactly what you need with two. “
By the way, my father married my mother with two children: I am the first-born of a family of five children, a mother and a father. “
“This pregnancy was very beautiful”
When asked about her pregnancy, Jūratė says that she felt physiologically good, and calls this pregnancy extremely spiritual.
“I felt at a very high level. When I gave birth, I had the feeling that I wanted to get pregnant again (laughs) With this child, I learned to love myself and felt the fulfillment that I had never had before. I looked at myself in the mirror and she didn’t love me, she considered me ugly and she couldn’t accept me, even though those around me say that I’m beautiful. I felt the emptiness.
I used to run cross country, it started to rain, I got so cold, I cried and said: “Christ, come to my heart, teach me to love.” Maybe he came that way, through this child, because I learned to love and love myself, I felt fullness.
For me, this pregnancy was very beautiful. I had such an experience, when I was pregnant alone with a backpack on my shoulders, I went to Madeira and climbed the mountains, although they say, God forbid, nothing can be done for pregnant women, but everything was great, “recalls the interlocutor. .
The woman says she was also preparing for the birth. I wanted to give birth naturally. “It just came to our attention then. I met the dula, so I gave birth to the dula, I did it naturally, as planned, everything went well,” says Jūratė with a smile on his face.
He went to the boy’s father for help and received threats.
The woman has no contact with the father of her daughter, she has only been in contact a few times during her pregnancy.
“He wrote to me when I was in Madeira, and then we corresponded during the holidays. When my daughter was born, I wrote to her and sent her a photo. I asked him if I could expect any help from him, but ignored the question.
After a while, I wrote again that I took responsibility for raising this child alone, asking him for his responsibility to contribute at least financially, because my situation is now difficult in this regard. Before my son was born, I worked as a manicurist under a commercial license, so I do not receive maternity and paternity leave benefits.
When I said I was going to court, I received a call, a threat to deal with.
I received no response. When I said I was going to court, I received a call, a threat to deal with. Now I wonder if I go to court or not, if I want a quiet life or live shoulder to shoulder ”, the interlocutor reveals a less hilarious continuation of the story.
The woman is surprised by this attitude from her daughter’s father, and says that she really couldn’t have expected it from him.
“Previously, when we were talking, talking about the father of my first daughter, I was outraged because, since he did not communicate like this here, I was reluctant to pay alimony. But in his case, unfortunately the situation is the same,” says Jūratė and clarifies that he is not married, has no other family or children and is several years older than her.
You feel the happiest mom
When asked how, despite all the situation with her daughter’s father, she feels and lives today, the woman says that first, when her daughter was born, she had to look her in the eye and apologize if she hesitated to give birth. or not.
“It just caught my eye then. There are also difficult nights, and he doesn’t fall asleep, but in the morning his smile fades away, he forgets all the difficulties. I have a lot cold the woman.
And my older daughter is very willing to help, I see that she loves the little one very much. Overall, when he found out that he was waiting, he was very happy to have a sister or a brother.
For a time, she didn’t even have to question who Dad was. As I watched, I also told my mother that it was strange that she didn’t ask me that. But then I asked him, I explained, I told him what the situation was like. I am of the opinion that children need to tell the truth.
For my oldest daughter, my father replaces my father, and she calls him that. And then they say: “Okay, well, then your father will be like his father, like me”, the interlocutor does not hide the joy that his daughter accepts this situation so well.
Jūratė lives alone with her daughters. As she calls herself: a girls’ house. When asked if her attitude has changed now, “who will need her with two children,” the woman says that things are different now.
When I was alone with my first daughter, I felt it was not worth it. There was an internal change of my own with my second daughter.
“It is very important here that my internal knowledge has changed. When I was alone with my first daughter, I felt it was not worth it. It is not that this is the attitude of men in my environment or that I would feel it from them, no, I also felt that way.
There was an internal change of my own with my second daughter. Now I think so that the man who comes into my life has the gift of coming to such a large family. And he will not take us, but we will take him, we will carry him (laughs)
And, no, there really are no such thoughts that I will never meet any man. Right now I am a breastfeeding mother, I do not feel any passion, need, I have no thoughts, in other words, I am not with men now.
We dance, we sing, we play, now I am adopted, as I say, milk in the brain. When I grow up, I think the right person will definitely appear, “says Jūratė with a smile on his face, peace and optimism in his voice.
Photo from 123RF.com/Mom with daughter
The Crisis Pregnancy Center provides assistance to those experiencing unplanned pregnancies, crises, the loss of a baby due to miscarriage, premature labor, or abortion.
It also organizes self-help groups during crisis pregnancies and newborns.
You can ask for help: tel. +370 603 57 912, as well as [email protected], www.neplanuotasnestumas.lt.
In 15 minutes 2020, the news portal supports and sponsors 24 non-governmental organizations and kindness initiatives, which in their daily work contribute to the much-needed changes in our country.
These initiatives and organizations, including the Crisis Pregnancy Center, became the second year of 15 minutes Ambassadors of the “I was good this year” project, and their work and good examples will be published on the portal throughout the year.
More about the project Read “I was fine this year” HERE.
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