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Parents often hear that their goal is to do everything possible to make their children happy. For such parents, the child becomes the center of the world and they seem to begin to create the illusion of a “happy childhood”: all the child’s wishes are unconditionally satisfied, toys are bought, any behavior is justified, and the slightest effort is admired. .
Also, these parents seek to protect the child from any negative emotions, solve any problems for the child, or prevent them from occurring. In this way, the child “is always right”, and his wishes – above all, the child begins to live in an artificially happy childhood – as in a bubble.
Researchers at Harvard University conducting research with children of parents who have happy childhoods conclude that parents who seek to prevent their children from failing and being exceptionally happy not only waste time in vain, but, more importantly, they hinder the normal development of the child. Happiness, above all, depends on how the child values himself and how others value him. So what mistakes not to make because of infinite love for a child?
„Photos.com“ nuotr./Verkiantis vaikas
The child is not the center of the world
When a child is allowed to do everything, he has no chance of making a mistake. Even if this happens, parents who have a happy childhood are quick to solve the child’s problem. Therefore, the child of such parents is always right and the decisions made by the child and parents respond only to the wishes and expectations of the child.
Parents, when satisfying a child’s need for absolute happiness or trying to compensate for the lack of time and personal attention, try to provide the child with material things and are afraid to tell or talk to children about things that may not be possible for them. They like them, like housework, education or other things lack of participation of the children. These parents are afraid of facing their son or daughter’s angry outbursts, and when this happens, they lash out to satisfy any of their whims, thus perpetuating the habit of “hysteria.”
Attending kindergarten, school, or interacting with peers and adults in the future, such self-centeredness becomes dangerous – the child can be excluded. It is true that it is difficult for all loving parents to admit that, in fact, their child is not and will not be the center of the world.
Gifts must be deserved
Researchers A. Solomon, A. Precht, et al., Who study the processes of psychological maturity and the socio-emotional development of children, affirm that it is very important that children learn to manage their feelings and learn to earn desired gifts and rights . Children can only learn this when their wishes are not immediately fulfilled and gifts are received for something, such as asking them to do a job, to help their parents or to earn a living.
It is important to remember that if in the past all the child’s wishes were unconditionally fulfilled, it is sometimes impossible to avoid punishment by changing the established order in the home. It can be very difficult for a family to change the parental attitudes of their children, but it is even worse over time to see and understand that a son or daughter so loved, who has been unconditionally admired, grew up selfish, without confidence in himself and in the others, unable to build a complete human relationship. , than independent living. Of course, sometimes we cannot avoid indulgence and it can even help in education, but if we allow the child to constantly sit in the center of the world, it will be detrimental in the future.
The bubble of happiness will collapse
It is not necessary for a child to create an unreal worldview and false expectations that he will face more and more as he grows older, leading to frustration or even unhappiness. Parents should not protect their children from everyday inconveniences and problems. As children grow, they must learn not only to rejoice, but also to survive failure, rejection from their peers, to understand that not all their wishes come true. It can be especially painful to turn against a child who grew up in such an unreal world as a child now: a teenager.
Having had all the rights and freedoms for everything for a long time, such a child often feels unhappy in adolescence, because his peers are not parents and do not attack the desire to satisfy everyone, but mercilessly extract an unpleasant truth. A teenager is well aware that falling to the ground with tears or starting to stomp on their feet, as they did as a child, would lead to contempt and even harassment from their peers.
Thus, such a happy world encounter with real reality can become a world of strangers, discontent, full of mistrust, anger, hostile people.
123RF.com nuotr./Vaikai
Happiness is the result of a good education
A child who has been constantly pampered and fed with the notion that he or she has the exclusive right to do and behave as he or she wishes will later experience various psychological and social problems in his or her relationships with others.
Therefore, Harvard University researchers, summarizing research on unconditional “happy childhood” created by parents, say that it is never too late for a child to say NO to unnecessary and unfounded requests. Only when we develop a child’s respect for others and empathy, confidence in himself and others, when we help our child understand the importance and desires not only of him but also of another family member, friend or even a stranger, we will raise children who can be happy.
Happiness is the result of a good education that reflects a child’s ability to create a world, not around him, but as part of that world. Therefore, it is very important for parents to discover that balance of love and attention when raising a child, so that this combination helps and does not harm their development.
Easy and uncomfortable tips for parents to help their children grow up happy:
- Don’t give in to a child just because it is too difficult to see him upset, dissatisfied, or unhappy.
- Do not avoid telling a child the truth about himself, do not distort it just because the child thinks better of himself. It is much better if the child hears an unpleasant truth about you from you, so that you can really help your child.
- Don’t be afraid to criticize the child to correct his character flaws that could later harm him, even if you think it could harm the child’s self-esteem.
- Don’t be in a rush to satisfy every child’s wish because they are sad or unhappy and you are worried about it.
- When a child disagrees with your decisions, don’t blame yourself, be strong and consistent.
- Don’t take responsibility for a child’s disagreements with peers and friends.
- When your daughter or son gets upset without getting something, don’t underestimate their bad mood and don’t let go.
- Don’t be afraid of your child’s emotions and don’t walk on your fingertips.
- Don’t put your wishes aside due to the whims of the child.
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