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According to G. Gutautė-Klimienė, her parents have repeatedly approached her, worrying about their children’s behavior, when in a public place, like a store, the offspring cries, falls to the ground and shows their emotions. This is mainly the case for preschool children.
“A child’s self-regulation increases with age and such situations decrease. However, while the children are young, the parents turn to a psychologist, because they are not very clear what to do in such cases. ” 15min to life G. Gutautė-Klimienė said.
Anger, hysteria: a way to express emotions
“It just came to our attention then. For example, a baby announces his needs with a cry and a smile about meeting those needs. Because he has no other way to say it. As the child grows, there are other ways of saying that He wants something.
Although he begins to speak, emotional reactions to situations where, for example, something is not allowed, remain. Also, as the child grows, there is a great need to do it their way. And do it differently than what parents want.
As the child grows, there is a great need to do it his way. And do it differently than what parents want.
And then self-awareness grows, he tries to establish himself through different options than those offered by his parents. Due to those choices, the child can fight very hard. Or the child’s hysteria can also be an emotional reaction to fatigue, hunger, “said the psychologist.
According to the interlocutor, even a small child can provoke a strong emotional reaction in a small child. Let’s say if you want to press the elevator button first, and mom does.
“If the mother presses the elevator button, the situation becomes terrible. The child feels lost in control,” said the psychologist.
Yielding to a child is a mistake
How to react to such behavior of a child, especially when a goat shows this in a public place: in a store, on the street, in guests?
“The main misconception, when a child with a strong emotion demands something, is to give him what he wants. Such a reaction from the parents is very understandable, because then the child’s behavior ends very quickly. Give and calm. But this is a mistake “said G. Gautautė-Klimienė.
Such a reaction from the parents, said the interlocutor, is natural because they want the scream and the scream to end as soon as possible. But if adults do, in the long run, such cases will increase and increase.
Photo from 123rf.com / The boy is angry
The minor has support: parental peace
The question of how to control a child’s hysteria and how to behave at that time, says the psychologist, is difficult to answer unambiguously. Depending on both the specific child and the situation, the child’s reaction is determined by how tired he is at the time, which caused the emotions.
G. Gutautė-Klimienė says that the parents’ reactions to the child’s hysteria should not further strengthen it. Therefore, there is no way to scold the child or, even more, to intimidate the arrival of an “angry police” or a “bad uncle” whom the mother will give to the child.
Such bullying, the specialist said, is bad because the child may believe it, be frightened, and the consequences may not be entirely short. For example, a child may start dreaming nightmares.
The response to bullying may be another sign that the children are still fighting (“And I’m not afraid of that evil uncle”).
Staying calm is the best thing you can do, but it is very difficult.
“And then it’s like a fight: parents fight with a child, a child fights with parents. Raising their voices, bullying are the parents’ weapons that make children react and want to fight. For older children, such behavior Parenting can lead to even greater resistance, an even greater desire to do things your way.
Therefore, it is important not to further intensify the child’s reactions, to understand that he is aware choose to scream – You really feel a strong emotion at that time.
Photo from 123RF.com/Child
Parents should simply accept this situation: My child is now upset, frustrated, angry, or unhappy.
This is how parents can react, be calm next to the child. Staying calm is the best thing you can do, but it is very difficult.
Then the hysteria disappears faster because the child has support, the peace of the parents. Of course, this is often very difficult, and then turn on wheel. The child resists the anger of his parents, a difficult situation arises, ”said G. Gutautė-Klimienė.
No need to worry about the reactions around you.
Parents also want to put their children’s stubbornness in a public place as soon as possible because they feel uncomfortable with the people around them. But other people’s looks should matter less to him.
“Parents are afraid, they don’t want negative opinions. A child’s appearance, how embarrassing it is for us as parents, how we don’t get along: parents often talk about this in a psychological consultation. They feel especially helpless in public. .
And then, as if on purpose, the children become even more hysterical, all the more so because the parents succumb to their influence.
An important rule to remember: all children are more or less hysterical, this is perfectly normal, it is only one stage of their development. And it is their business, not the business of others. Consult your child in the same way at home and outdoors.
Parents are afraid, they don’t want negative opinions.
Because if not, then the child will feel that parents in the public place are affected by their behavior, they will do it more often. The more parents pay attention to the opinions of others, the more difficult it will be, ”said G. Gutautė-Klimienė.
It seems to the child that he will no longer do so.
However, to avoid such situations in a public space, it is highly recommended to consult with the child in advance.
“Let’s say if we go to the store with a child, we agree that we also buy him something for a certain amount, for example, on Sundays.” Or on Mondays Or maybe once a month.
The other days, before going to the store, we agreed that today we are not buying anything. Because today is not Monday or Sunday. If the child knows that such an agreement exists, it is easier for him or her.
He may start to get hysterical, but if his parents say that today is not the day, the child picks up the pace and knows that it will not be otherwise, “said the interlocutor.
Meanwhile, after a child’s outburst of anger embarrasses him and he tries to answer the question why he did it, it wouldn’t be worth it.
“As I said, when a child is angry, parents should name him (‘You are angry, upset, tired, sad’). This is necessary, because then the child himself will learn to name him and understand how he feels, he will know that he can calm down.
Staying calm is the best thing you can do, but it is very difficult.
It is advisable to talk to the child afterwards so that the next time he says he is sad he did not like something. In other words, discuss a strategy for the future: how you could express what you want in a different way.
But you don’t have to say, “How could I do that?” Because it will only cause the defense, the resistance of the child. After that, depending on the age of the child, what was here is also not worth it, because after everything has passed, it seems that the child will no longer do so, “said G. Gutautė-Klimienė.
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