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Driving class
We discussed this in our circle, not emptying the first cup of coffee (God, what a fortune to pump live coffee in the old town of Kaunas!).
“All men are pigs”, Valerija, who has just blossomed at our table, caresses with another popular phrase. She is single, raising an almost teenage son on her own.
– Perhaps there are unknown exceptions for you? – As if we wanted to protect ours.
– Rather, tell me, what should a real father do in his life? With Costa, our family does not lack a man, but a father!
– And not only for me, – Aldutė, our preschool teacher, immediately participates in the discussion. – Being a father is easy, but being difficult. Because it’s a job, okay, women, almost like a secondary position (or maybe even a primary position), so by the way, no one pays, but … – here our speaker takes a significant break. – Invisible money, the great father’s bonuses accumulate like in an investment bank. The more you invest in the parent-child relationship, the more mutual benefits it has.
“Well said”, I agree with the girlfriend. – At least for me, the mission of that sacred father is more associated with technical things, well, those that I cannot do myself. For example, teaching a child to swim, ride a bike, drive a car, dance in the lake from tarzankes. My weak nerves are not bitten by these sciences. I can teach a child to be careful.
– I protest, – the future lawyer cuts off my head with a spoon like a judge’s hammer (by the way, this is already his third stop – on the walls of Rūta’s website more diplomas, certificates of completion, certificates than paintings by Alvydas Venslauskas). Most parents’ risk to our children is reckless, unreasonable and very dangerous. Yesterday, while lying on the beach in Palanga, I saw two parents drinking beer and whipping, and their children roaring in the frozen sea all that time … Do you at least guess what the Baltic temperature is at the end of May? I guarantee you brought mothers who were already sick at night.
– Not necessarily, – our health worker joins the discussion. – As a child, we built a wet sandcastle before it turned blue. And nothing, we hardened, we survived. But once, I remember, we were on vacation with my parents in town. I let the man with his son (maybe seven years old then) enter the stadium throwing the ball. I have no green idea why they drove those hundreds of meters to the stadium. A couple of hours later, the overwhelmed man comes back and says, “I left Lin to play with the kids, and went to throw the ball into the basket myself. I played, I just watched: our car drives. One lap around the stadium, the second, but nothing at the wheel. ” when I realized what was behind the wheel: ogi our Linukas … “
Right to decide
– Congenital, – we decided unanimously, – children’s handling skills are transmitted by genes, – but we have not closed this case yet, we are happy to judge the husband of a friend for irresponsibility, for not fulfilling his parental duties.
“But my husband,” I say proudly, “taught Saul how to swim, and by the end of the summer, they were both free to cross the lake.” Crosswise, throughout. Risk? Yes. But the man was always swimming next to him and gave him confidence!
“A true father must be able to make his own decisions,” the soloists in my coffee group almost sang in the choir, seeing how a young father, who had played with his little one before, now leads him to the cries of his mother of course with a broken path. And the one, of course, does not spare the most picturesque comparisons and epithets, accusing the poor of not being able to save a healthy child. (What a pity! The overwhelmed man suddenly turns to a rag on the floor. And yet, in the eyes of all the visitors to the old town café.)
“Whistle,” Aldutė whispered to us. – If he had made a lightning fast decision – he somehow played the boy, and maybe even ran with him to the nearest pharmacy – he would have avoided the scene.
“That’s what you need,” our trio joined the conversation, no doubt knowing what he was talking about. – Mom and the roof slides off everything. A real father should let her be alone, at least have a quiet coffee …
Visible to the heart
And suddenly I remember how a few years ago my brother, who lived in England, came to Lithuania with three daughters and a two-year-old son so that his wife, who was staying in the UK, could take a break from all of them. Going here was a feat! Rehabilitation of the good name of all the parents in the world!
I’m not lying: ten days before we were on vacation in Pervalka, he stretched out with a screaming son in his hands, because both of them and his wife agreed that the trip to Lithuania would be a great opportunity for the baby to stop breastfeeding. I remember that it became a true paternity test for my brother. It is understood!
Having decided that a minority of such men and that my brother was a rare museum property, we continued to gather from the coffee bushes about the qualities of a true father.
“A real father has to learn to share his bed not only with his wife, but also with his son,” I suddenly remembered that during Cornelia’s childhood, strict psychologists forbade children to sleep in their parents’ bed.
That’s why we pushed Cornelia out of the room (and dismantled the crib so we wouldn’t be tempted to return) pretty early. The poor man, just before bedtime, slipped through the door of our room and sighed loudly. It was only recently that we learned (Cornelia would be thirty in a few years) how insecure and vulnerable she felt then, how many tears had been shed in her room every night. Et, darling, if my husband had said, “There weren’t those psychologists: my heart hurts like a child suffering!” and let Cornelia enter the room … Perhaps my conscience would no longer be pressed by a stone the size of a Puntuk? And wouldn’t Cornelia be so super sensitive?
So, a true father is not the one who reads only with his eyes (“Written, therefore, he needs!”), But the one who knows how to see with the heart, like Antoine de Saint-Exuperi the Little Prince and his Fox.
Like a conversationalist
“I have read somewhere,” Solveiga, who has not said a word today, joins the conversation, “that the mother must support the child morally and the father must encourage him in every possible way.” But isn’t this and the same?
– I think, however, that it is not the same, – when I scan young families marching on Vilniaus street, I remember my youth. – Mothers are generally reluctant to support the bolder requests of their descendants. Well, let’s say that my Saulėja decided to turn 18 on a trip due to a long absence from her friends and the next adulthood: eight girls will travel through Lithuania for three days, having previously booked the nights themselves.
– Bravo! Excellent! – The maniac explodes wide, a reaction so inadequately frightening frightens visitors to the cafe that they are talking in a low voice.
“I would see how you would wander if there was a daughter of yours among those travelers,” I sadly swallow the lump of resentment and misunderstanding (and, therefore, friends!), Remembering my reaction to the message I heard.
“Are you angry? You will get lost, you will not come back, anyone will attack!” And it wasn’t until my daughter, with a slight wry smile, went to call the classmates to begin gathering the details of the next walk that I realized I was begging. Significantly. My reaction was supposed to be supportive, and it turned out to be like a buzzing fly that wanted to quickly end up with a porridge catch.
What would modern psychologists say in such a case? Give your child a chance to make mistakes! Trust him! Encourage! That’s what Saulja’s father did: As if he were a secret colleague (he had looked at me angrily before), he silently followed his daughter into the room and helped put together the walk route. Super.
The road to super tomorrow
– Oh yes … Superstition should be the driving force that would force the mother to shut up at the right time and push her daughter to the rear. Well, not necessarily in the literal sense: another speaker of ours, who attended judo practice during adolescence. – You know, my daughter, after graduating from school, I really wanted to study abroad. But many (and I) discourage her. And with more appearing before, the ignition faded. And then her father kicked! Well, you see, not literally! Spyris was very painful (we only found out after a good decade), but the daughter thanked him. He said that if he had stayed in Lithuania, nothing virtuous would have come from that … Living away from his parents, he learned to count money, earn money himself, otherwise he began to evaluate order at home.
“What are you talking about here?” We say, weighed down with frozen tongues. – It is good to hear that the father made the right decision. And not all that cunning! Most do not include communication with children on their to-do lists due to their life priorities …
“Dads of modern times are not like that,” defends the young generation of our preschool expert. – More and more young parents are interested in pedagogy, psychology, articles in the press on the development of the child’s personality. In Soviet times, when I was growing up, my father’s language was short: “Shut up, and you’ll get rags!” These days, parents are happy to discuss a wide range of parenting topics. This is not my father, whose only answer to any question I had was: “Ask Mom, she knows everything …”
– Times are changing, dads – also … – are lifting the already grown seats from the soft cushions of the chairs: the cafeteria on Sunday is coming to an end.
– Maybe we take the initiative too often, without giving our men the opportunity to interact with the boys … And then they get used to the super mothers of the family and they don’t want to be superheroes anymore? Maybe we should trust them more? – We are silent looking at the idyllic image of the family.
Supertrijulė – dad, boy, mother – travels firmly by the arms and walks the sunny stone paths of the old town until the Super Tomorrow …
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