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It is a rare year that we do not have some important event that happens in this house, it is not always an easy thing to deal with when you are prone to excess of sentimentality like me.
None of the children have been cursed with such affliction, except perhaps by the middle child, so the rest of them are often puzzled or embarrassed by my reactions to the most important events in their lives.
This year, the expected milestones were few on the ground. The second child had to present his Junior Cert which, thanks to Covid-19, has now been canceled. You are probably the only one in the family who has something to be thankful for in the pandemic. However, the baby of the family had to have his last Montessori day and start “big school” in the fall. The enormity of it all means nothing to him. Mentioning that is enough for me to recover. It is a day that I never saw coming because having so many children meant, until now, that there was always someone close in line.
As a result, it is a day that I will not see coming now either. Since schools and universities will be closed until September and October, and child care facilities will open much later in the summer, boy seven already had his last day in preschool, and was not marked.
I will remember it as the surreal day that Montessori teachers gave us back our little ones, wondering if they would be back before Easter break. Meanwhile, the little ones said goodbye to each other in their usual enthusiasm, unaware that they would never see each other again in a preschool setting. Because children must attend several different elementary schools, many of them will never see each other again.
I thought I had my feelings mostly under control, until a mother in the preschool class posted a photo of her little boy looking out the preschool window, wishing he was there. My heart sank at the image.
Most of my children were surprised to hear that schools would not return until the next academic year. And I was almost so sad for them. In the midst of everything that has happened, our children have had no choice but to take the chin. I can’t help but feel that they are being forgotten in all of this, despite the fact that they are also making great sacrifices. While I know that my children miss their friends and teachers very much, I am very relieved and thankful that I did not have a sixth or sixth grade student this year. Losing school in the ordinary sense is one thing. Coping with the uncertainty of state tests and missing the rites of approval that come with those last few months in elementary and middle school is something else entirely.
“These are the best months of your school life,” said my oldest son, remembering this time last year, when I made a sacred spectacle of her scoring and sobbing while singing the graduation mass song. “A father’s prerogative,” I insisted, ignoring the fact that I was the only one with panda eyes, crying a real river.
For mine there are other aspects of school that should be missed. Even if you were to manage home schooling more successfully (or not at all), it would not come close to closing the gap. Some feel the impact more than others. School is much more than education, and despite all my frustrations at trying and failing, I am well aware that mine are among the lucky ones. Mine are safe at home. That is not the case for all children.
May 18 is marked on our calendars. It was circled long before the Taoiseach announced it, as the date restrictions would slowly begin to ease. It is the first of four birthdays in the span of three weeks and child three has been counting down for months.
He’s a great man on the slopes, so we’re never short of birthday gift ideas. But there is one we can’t deliver this year, and that is his hope that he might have returned to school before the summer break. He’s old enough to understand, but that doesn’t take away my deep-seated desire to compensate. We are away from the family, so there can be no socially distant visits from the end of the entrance. It’s enough to blame me for baking.
An unforgettable birthday is already guaranteed. I want to make sure it’s for the right reasons.
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