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The importation of vital supplies of PPE to Ireland will be temporarily suspended next week to facilitate the express delivery of a mass shipment of cotton to Paschal Donohoe and the Fine Gael party.
This emergency dispatch was ordered following a two-day crisis meeting of the Preciosa and Caballo Alto National Emergency Team (Nphhet) in the wake of a vicious and traumatic assault on the sensitivities of the Minister of Finance and his sacrosanct colleagues by the state broadcaster, RTÉ.
On Wednesday, Paschal was the victim of a terrible attack by journalist Gavin Jennings during a routine outing on Morning Ireland. How could a professional broadcaster whose job it is to hold powerful politicians accountable do this to the lovely Paschal? It was the radio equivalent of pounding a baby seal, right down to the heartbreaking little screeches.
No wonder there was so much unrest at the Fine Gael parliamentary party meeting that night. The pain leaked in chunks to eavesdropping pirates amid mounting anger at RTÉ people who once again disrespected their superiors.
But the tone of wounded disbelief from the FG government “don’t you know who we are?” Untouchables is understandable when viewed against Jennings’s blatant impertinence toward a very important cabinet member.
This is what Gavin did.
He raised with the Minister of Finance the growing concern over the suspension of shoe-fitting services for young children and the serious implications this has for his rapidly growing feet. Diligent Paschal will have been ready for that question, because it was on the Covid-19 news.
Even 30 years later, the mention of Fine Gael and footwear is immediately reminiscent of John Bruton’s staggering budget fiasco.
He had his answer ready. Unfortunately, opening stores for young children to get proper footwear is considered a non-essential service. There can be no exceptions, otherwise people will demand the same treatment and suddenly all the glass eye shops would have to be reopened along with the wooden leg concessions and then the bra adjusters would be raised in arms and then what? where would we be
Anyone with a passing knowledge of the great upheavals of modern Irish politics knows of Fine Gael’s infamous association with children’s shoes. A government led by Fine Gael fell in 1982 because Paschal’s predecessor in the Finance Department imposed VAT on them.
Even 30 years later, the mention of Fine Gael and footwear is immediately reminiscent of John Bruton’s staggering budget fiasco. The historical connection was blindingly obvious when this week’s iteration landed.
Interviewer Jennings duly did it, cleverly slipping in a reminder to the chief minister who routinely shows up when the government needs a smart, smooth-talking operator to fix tough situations. That would be Paschal, spreading a soft marshmallow fist in a velvet glove as he kicked his legs out from under his interrogators with a charming smile.
“I know you called it nonessential retail, but the point the pediatrician made yesterday on Drivetime is that it is essential retail,” Jennings began. “I know your party has a particular history when it comes to children’s shoes, but can you understand why this is a particularly sensitive issue?”
A perfectly legitimate reference in the necessary cut and push of these interviews. There is nothing that can bother a militantly affable finance minister in the routine maneuvering of the media.
A big boy now, in big boy shoes, unlike 1982 when he was only eleven and had fur in the game.
For some strange reason, Paschal was very offended. He sounded very annoyed, which to him means furious.
“Well, Gavin, I’m sorry, you mean a budget decision that was made decades ago, even before I was in politics, about, you know, how we handled a budget decision then. Your question has an implicit suggestion that my party and I are not aware of the health needs of young children and that I just want to reject it entirely, ”he said angrily as alarmed listeners dropped his toast.
“Everything my party has been doing, I have been doing and the Government since this terrible disease came to Ireland is about how we try to save lives. And to make an indication [sic] that which we do not appreciate … “
The unflappable Paschal did not perform well live on the radio. Gavin was scared. We all did.
The Health Minister took a 180-degree turn at lunchtime and said that Ireland’s footless children can be measured by their shoes after all.
“My apologies if that’s how … uh … I just said that yesterday the pediatrician considered it essential …”
Everything was starting now. No more Mr Nice Phibsboro.
“Sorry Gavin, the way you put it was more than just asking the question. You’re making an inference regarding how my party and I view this issue, ”he snorted. “Let me repeat what I told you just now: I absolutely appreciate the challenges young families and young children face. Everything our government and our party does is motivated to keep them safe. “
Then he explained in some detail why stores that sell children’s shoes cannot open for a while. He gave the same explanation, keeping the line scathingly, on other radio stations that morning. Unfortunately, the Health Minister made a U-turn at lunchtime and said that footless children in Ireland can be measured by their shoes after all. And the Taoiseach confirmed it shortly after in the Dáil.
After Paschal’s RTÉ ordeal, Fine Gael tried to come to terms with the horrible treatment of his kind Minister and the scandalous revelation of a famous Fine Gael mistake from the past.
Senator Jerry Buttimer lost the Fine Gael party whip for attending the golf society dinner in Clifden last year, but has since regained it, unlike his sense of proportion. Photography: Eric Luke
Things moved quickly. Two complaints, from the minister’s office and the party, were made to Morning Ireland after the broadcast. An apology was requested and given by a representative of the program.
State Minister Patrick O’Donovan, who has a history of complaints about RTÉ, struck down at the party’s parliamentary meeting at the “outrageous” nature of the question that was put to poor Paschal.
And Cork-based Sen. Jerry Buttimer, who lost the party whip after attending the “Golfgate” dinner last year in Connemara, but got it back in January (as opposed to his sense of proportion), stated that the incident was “gruesome”.
Because there can be no greater offense to his party, which has ruled for 10 uninterrupted years, than to recall a real but shameful event from the past. Fine Gael was hurt.
That is why the Precious and High Horse National Emergency Team called its lengthy crisis session on Wednesday afternoon.
“Notions trump credibility every time,” said one member after the two-day meeting. “The situation is dire unless we can get adequate supplies of cotton to further isolate Fine Gael and the Finance Minister from tough questions or sound criticism. They are now very vulnerable and have classic underlying conditions of very thin skin and very thick neck. “
Experts say that Paschal Donohoe, his advisers and the Fine Gael party suffered an allergic reaction to the interview, causing serious damage to the good reception they built after a decade in power, showing that increased susceptibility the virus of self-importance is age-related.
“Our model also shows that Fine Gael is now very vulnerable to notions,” explained a leading epidemiologist. “Unfortunately, this clouds judgment.”
This seems very clear. Otherwise, why give a big whistle, drawing attention to an old shame about children’s shoes?
It seems that, after all this time, Fine Gael hasn’t learned what happens when little people get too big for their boots.
Speaker receives serious comments from Ó Fearghaíl
The Ceann Comhairle has been getting very grumpy lately, pushed to the limit of his patience by TDs who complain that they don’t have enough time to speak in a Dáil session where sessions have been shortened due to Covid-19 restrictions. .
Sinn Féin’s Thomas Gould was very upset Thursday when he thought he might make a contribution instead of a colleague when the rotation was a bit pear-shaped. He explained the reason to Seán Ó Fearghaíl.
“I don’t need advice on how the House works,” he informed Congressman Gould, also explaining why.
Kerry’s first touchdown came back to him. “What you are saying is actually not correct.”
The Ceann Comhairle reacted like a Fine Gael TD who was just asked about children’s shoes.
Excuse me, it’s not a wet week on site, helper. It doesn’t make sense, he’s not speaking from his designated seat and he’s off duty, sir. “
Never mind the oxen, where’s the broadband?
Unsurprisingly, Michael Healy-Rae quickly emerged from the traps with his verdict following Monday’s release of Rural Development Policy 2021-2025: Our Rural Future.
“I don’t want a field full of brambles, badgers, and oxen. I want it to be full of people, families, and the only way we can do that is by providing adequate broadband services and housing for those people, ”he said on the evening news.
MHR’s charming alliterative statement did not go unnoticed across the Kerry border. A correspondent in the Goleen area was contacted to bring our attention to this newspaper’s obituary of PJ Sheehan, the former Fine Gael TD from Cork South West, who died last August.
Paddy retired from the Dáil in 2011 and was known as a formidable political operator. He was popular on all sides of the House and his mischievous wit and wonderful way of speaking animated many boring debates.
Our man in Cork was interested in this obituary passage: “Sheehan proved to be an eloquent advocate for rural Ireland and, in particular, small farmers and fishermen, highlighting in a Dáil debate that whether rural decline was allowed to continue , there would be nothing left in West Cork except ‘bachelors, oxen and brambles’ ”.
Great minds think alike, obviously, except in the case of MHR, badgers were replaced by bachelors.
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