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The family of a farmer who committed suicide at the grave of his mother and brother has appealed to those experiencing emotional distress to seek help from charities like Pieta House.
Paddy McCarthy (59) from Cloncouse, Ballinadee in Cork was a good husband and father who took pride in his farm and family.
The father of four loved Bruce Springsteen, dancing, partying and “having fun” and had a great presence in any room.
The Cork County Coroner’s Court, sitting in Bandon, heard that on the morning of May 1 of the year Paddy carried out his farm work with his daughter Rachel on their farm in Ballinadee.
Rachel, like all her children, had a close bond with Paddy.
In her Garda statement read in court, she said that she and her father completed several jobs that morning after 9 a.m. He instructed her on other jobs to be done.
She considered sitting in the kitchen with her father to write a list of jobs to complete on the farm.
Instead, he watched Paddy drive off in his car. She “had no idea what was coming next” and assumed she had gone to buy feed for the cattle.
Later that morning he was given the news that his father had been found dead by suicide in the grave of his mother, who had passed away a few years earlier.
Paddy was a triplet and the grave was also that of his brother Tom, who died in an agricultural accident in 1968.
Two witnesses, an elderly woman and a young mother, gave evidence of stumbling on Mr. McCarthy’s body in the County Cork Cemetery.
The old woman said she was visiting the cemetery when she saw someone lying on the ground. He called and realized that it was Paddy McCarthy whom he “knew he should see.”
She caught the attention of a nearby younger woman and paramedics and the priest were called to the scene. McCarthy was pronounced dead at the scene.
Garda David Barrett said he attended the scene at 11:55 a.m. where he observed Mr. McCarthy’s body lying next to the grave. He told the court that a note written by McCarthy had been found in the house.
He told coroner Frank O’Connell as evidence that McCarthy had been found at the grave of his late mother, who had died three years earlier. The family grave was also that of his brother Tom.
Mr. O’Connell, having heard the evidence in the case, said that he did not believe he had ever presided over a “sadder” one.
He offered his heartfelt condolences to the family saying that Paddy “must have been suffering.” He added that he was sure that the community in general felt the pain of the family.
Since McCarthy’s passing, his family has become an advocate for mental health and has raised more than € 32,000 for Pieta House.
Rachel McCarthy has urged people with emotional pain to seek help when they need it.
“There are so many people who can help. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and leaves so much destruction and devastation for families.”
Rachel says that people often wear masks and hide their pain.
“I want people to know that they are being listened to and that others are struggling as well. It is up to my generation to break the taboo around mental health. The brain is like other parts of the body. It is a muscle and we need to work on it.
We go to the gym to work on our bodies, so where is there a stigma around working on our mental health? ”
Meanwhile, his brother Thomas says there were no warning signs that led to his father’s suicide.
Thomas was living in Whistler north of Vancouver in Canada when his father passed away during the confinement.
He had to make the lonely 23-hour trip and three flights home to reunite with his grieving family who live near Kinsale.
He said his father had a passion for the farm and was a hardworking man who worked long hours. Thomas says Paddy was a lot of fun.
“He loved Bruce Springsteen. He loved music. He loved dancing. He just loved life. That’s why it’s so shocking. He really loved the farm. You think ‘how could he leave behind something he loved so much?’ It’s surreal. “
Thomas has urged farmers to be mindful of their mental health.
“It’s a very isolated job anyway. They might have the market once a week or some social event once a week. It’s important that they go talk to someone or talk to someone.
Those who neither speak nor speak are the ones who do (suicide). You think ‘how could I not have seen it? How could I have done nothing? But for sure there is no way you would know. “
The family participated in Pieta House’s “Darkness in to Light” event during the first lockdown and walked to their local church and returned in memory of Paddy.
A closed funeral, he says, brought its own challenges.
“The funeral was very different. There were only 10 of us at the crematorium. Due to social distancing, people really couldn’t come home or church. But we are very lucky to have a great support system with great family and neighbors and close friends and cousins. “
Since Paddy’s passing, her children have channeled their grief into action and started turning an old double-decker bus into an AirBnB. They hope to have it ready for next spring.
Thomas said the brothers wanted to do something different to keep them busy during the lockdown.
The bus will be located at the family farm in Ballinadee. Thomas insists that his late father would be delighted with the commercial aspect of the project if a little taken aback by everything they have done in recent months.
“Give a farm to young people and what is the first thing they do? Put a bar in the shed!
We wanted to do something different to keep ourselves busy during the confinement. We wanted to be productive. We wanted to do something together because we are impulsive and creative. ”
McCarthy is survived by his loving wife Ann and children Anna, Thomas, Rachel, and Niall.
The family has asked the public to continue donating to Pieta House at this challenging time for the charity.
Donations can be made here.
Last year, West Cork farmer Tommy Moyles urged farmers who feel under pressure to reach out to others to talk about feelings of depression and isolation in what can sometimes be a difficult livelihood.
Moyles, who operates a cattle farm in Ardfield, Clonakilty, Co Cork, said it was vital that farmers stand in solidarity with each other.
“I would tell (the farmers) that they should hold their heads up and talk to the people. One of the challenges of farming is that it deals with uncontrollable things. The climate, the plants, the animals and the markets. important that people keep talking to people. “
The Mind Our Farm Families is a dedicated suicide and self-harm hotline 1890 130 022 between IFA and Pieta House. The IFA Member Hotline will put farmers and their families in direct contact with a Pieta House trained therapist.
Members of the public in need of emotional support are asked to contact the Samaritans on 116 123 or Pieta House on 1800 247 247. People in distress can also text the word Help Pieta House at 51444.
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