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“SERIAL running clown Kyle Walker has managed to catch a hat-trick of coronavirus violations in 24 hours. The 29-year-old defender from England visited his sister for a party and then his parents before cycling near a second house he is renting. The Man City star, who had apologized for violating the blockade previously, could face police evidence and a £ 1,000 fine. – The Sun, Friday, May 8, 2020
Thanks Kyle Walker. Look, someone needed to say it. As we slide into another Monday morning, whatever the morning, let no one imagine that we are the kind of people who allow the sincere goodness of an obsessed footballer to be unappreciated. These are tough times in the sports column writing game. All Chow is welcome Chow.
Thanks Kyle Walker. Thank you for being yourself, first of all. The final measure of a man, after all, is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands in moments of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King’s words are still valid in his decision to stop at his sister’s house and then at his parents’, a 100-mile round trip from his home, in the middle of a confinement. Some will argue that delivering a birthday card was perhaps not the challenge that Dr. King had in mind. But the game would surely recognize the game.
Thanks Kyle Walker. Thank you for knowing yourself better than you know nothing else. The rest of the world, losers, fools and commoners, we have been doing without seeing the family, without visiting the older parents, without receiving a hug from loved ones by, oh, the two-month guts. “What am I supposed to do? Get her away?” You wrote in your statement regarding the photo of you hugging your sister on her driveway. Very good champion. Tell it to them.
Prison prostitutes orgy
No seriously, thanks, Kyle Walker. You have been doing Yeoman’s work right on the path of this crisis. Others have claimed that the Lockdown Hooker orgy he organized a few hours after tweeting that everyone should stay home in early April was possibly a bit of a pain. Don’t listen to them, Kyle. Lotta fuss over nothing. You stayed home after all. You did it a little more arrogantly than the rest of us.
Thanks in particular for that tweet, by the way. “On a serious note,” he wrote, “please everyone stay home, take care of each other at this difficult time, and control your loved ones but don’t visit them. #StayHomeSaveLives.” While everyone assumed it was simple swamp hypocrisy at the time, little could we have imagined that you were playing the long game with the whole line of not visiting loved ones. A little of Checkov’s gun there, Kyle. You are giving free writing classes at this stage.
On what note, thanks for your last statement, tweeted last Friday at lunchtime. An inferior man would have presented an apology of some kind, filled with sincere contrition and confused self-recrimination. Crazy about it, he tells you. Instead, you said what was in your heart. And what was in your heart was that you should be allowed to go wherever you want and see who you like without the tabloid snappers that follow your every move.
Sing it, Kyle! This lock-on carry-on luggage is a drag, and you’re the man to say it as it is. It doesn’t even seem to be working where you are, that’s the crazy thing. The UK has the highest number of deaths in Europe and everyone says that the official figures are well below the actual total. You guys are only behind Trump’s America in terms of body counts through all of this.
So, there is Kyle, staying home alone for the sake of the country, aside from the occasional visit from a calling woman and the odd ride on the highway to Sheffield and back, and sometimes visiting four different houses in space. 24 hours: You are doing your part there and the UK numbers are getting worse and worse. I would swear that people did not understand what a blockade is supposed to be.
Frontline workers
Anyway, Kyle, go back to your statement. Fair play to you for not spilling any of those sick and forced compliments on the NHS. Not to mention them at all, actually. Weeks and weeks we are in this now, without anyone being able to say a word in public without laying their hand on their hearts and swearing their love for front-line workers. It took a serious man to post a 329-word personal statement about life in a Covid-19 world and not try to protect himself with some kind of cheap line of applause. You’re right, it’s much better to stick to the problem at hand.
“At a time when the focus is understandably on Covid19, at what point is mental health, a disease that affects each patient differently, taken into account? I’m a human being, with feelings or pain and upset like everyone else. “Well, actually, Kyle. Indeed. And the next time you see Pep Guardiola, be sure to explain those feelings and the pain and discomfort. Given who recently lost his mother to Covid-19, will definitely agree that he is going through many of the same problems right now.
So keep shining, Kyle Walker. Keep exploring, keep finding new and better ways to animate all of this. The scum in the cheap seats may give you a little spark from time to time, but they don’t know you. They don’t know life. Above all, they don’t know what it’s like to try to write a weekly sports column at a time when there is no sport.
You’re okay with us, Kyle. Thanks for your service.
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