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In the plague-deserted corridors of the academy, lonely professors wept for joy on their dusty mortar boards.
White-coated caskets ditched microscopes in bright labs and danced around test tubes.
In Sweden, young Greta smiled happily.
What a day for the planet. What a day.
First the vaccine and now this.
It could have been perfect.
But no, the Taoiseach had to go and screw it all up by deliberately trying to stone-kill rural Ireland for the sake of it.
“Stop nailing the lid on the coffin of rural Ireland!” roared Limerick TD Richard O’Donoghue at the Dáil on Wednesday, staring in horror at Micheál Martin.
At least they did not know about this in universities, colleges and higher education centers around the world, where the celebrations continued well into the night.
The second big breakthrough came in the way they tend to do it: unexpected and sudden.
It happened early in the afternoon from atop a balcony in the auditorium of the Dublin Containment Center when a certain Kerry Independent TD stood up and addressed the Taoiseach about the continued closure of rural breweries under Covid restrictions.
‘Scientific proof’
“Where is your evidence?” yelled Danny Healy-Rae. “Where is your scientific proof that pubs in rural Ireland were or would be the cause of the virus transmission?”
That would be Danny “I think God above is in charge of the climate” Healy-Rae, famous denier of the science of “this climate change” thing. Danny himself: Fairy forts are causing road crashes, Healy-Rae, demanding to hear empirical evidence to shut down pubs that serve alcohol without the drag of food because they are supposedly more conducive to the spread of coronavirus than your imagination. -Schmancy’s gastro cousins.
“Where is that evidence, Taoiseach?” he persisted, eager to run his slide rule on the scientific data. “If you have it, try it because you haven’t published it yet.”
The shocking news of Rep. Healy-Rae’s belated conversion to the value of evidential science throbbed in the global research community. Leading experts were even more encouraged and encouraged when they saw images of the previously skeptical influencer speaking at the Dáil: He had three perfectly arranged pens, caps pointing evenly upward, in his shirt pocket.
One of yours, now.
In denouncing the government’s decision to keep “wet” pubs closed during the partial reopening of hospitality businesses in the run-up to Christmas, the DHR accused the Taoiseach of hurting and “belittling” thousands of country innkeepers and their customers. . The move was “anti-village” and would lead to unregulated drinking where “we will need good jeeps and strong vehicles to find them.”
Danny’s cri de coeur echoed an earlier, equally passionate plea from his Rural Independent Group colleague, Mattie McGrath, who chided the Taoiseach for destroying the pub, dance and arts industry with the latest restrictions on Level 3.
‘Summarily discarded’
Despite enormous efforts to achieve compliance with the guidelines during the recent shutdown, they have been “summarily fired” and told not to reopen.
“I want you to be real and tell us what you have against pubs… dance schools and artists. It is totally illogical what you are doing and it is unfair. “
Micheál Martin will have been receiving him on the neck from his own Fianna Fáil backbenchers in recent weeks due to the continued closure of these inns, with his Fine Gael coalition partners also not behind the door to make their views known. He seemed completely fed up when Mattie started complaining at the Dáil.
The virus kills people and the only motivation behind any of the measures your government is doing is to protect lives.
“It is wrong of you, MP, to play politics with that by asking the rhetorical question: ‘What do you have against pubs?'”
Like an old-school Fianna Fáil TD, Micheál has been conducting constituency clinics in bars across his constituency long before the gastro-pub became a thing. His irritation with the question and his implication that he has it for publicans was palpable.
“I have absolutely nothing against pubs,” he protested. “Don’t be such a fool. For God’s sake, it’s too serious a problem to narrow down to that. ”The move was taken for public health reasons because lives are at risk.
“The government has ruined the pubs,” interjected Michael Collins, one of Mattie’s Rural Independent cronies.
Collins returned to country pub ruin after Danny Healy-Rae’s poignant decision to come out of the science closet.
“It’s pretty obvious that he’s protecting the pubs in Dublin,” stated the Cork South West Independent, a shocking indictment against a Cork South Central Taoiseach.
Michael Collins was cynically saying what he wanted his constituents to hear, but if you hold your nose and endure a stroll through Dublin, or any other part of urban Ireland, you will find that the suffering and anguish are far from limited to the owners of the bars. off the beaten track.
‘Very silly man’
“It will never be forgotten in all the towns and villages in rural Ireland for what they have done to those pubs. I can assure you Taoiseach, if you think he will forget, you are a very foolish man in this hour of your life, “snapped the withering Collins.
He was followed by a fourth RIG member, Richard O’Donoghue from County Limerick, who listed the names of villages within a 15-mile radius of his home in Granagh, where no pub is open. “You are pushing them to towns and cities if they want to meet someone.”
Like Danny Healy-Rae, he wondered who would oversee parties when people congregate in private.
This drinking thing is very confusing. One minute it’s about the lonely aul boys who just want a glass of stout and some company before they drive home in the car for the night, and now it’s about them preying on boozy drunks all night because the place is closed. .
It only gets worse because gastro-pubs are also a problem. It wasn’t so long ago that Danny opposed the new bill to toughen drunk driving laws, arguing, among other things, that eating a lot before driving is almost as bad as gargling a few.
“If you eat too much and get behind the wheel of a car, then it is a danger on the road because you are likely to fall asleep after eating a large meal,” he told an Oireachtas committee examining the legislation.
Even if there was no pandemic, you would almost be afraid to leave home after thinking about it. However, to be fair, this was before Danny embraced science.
The Taoiseach wearily insisted to the RIG members that it is neither anti-rural nor anti-village nor anti-employment. The current situation is no one’s fault, he said. It is the fault of a virus, a global pandemic.
Which, of course, is totally bogus news. It’s clearly Dem Above’s fault in Dublin.
Micheál, a sensible green tea man, sighed deeply. “There is nothing I would like more at the moment than a pint in a country pub in an idyllic town in the west of Ireland.”
It was one in the afternoon.
Who could blame him.
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