The union of two great houses, the Windsors and the Celebrities, is completed

Having a monarchy next door is a bit like having a neighbor who really likes clowns and has a house painted with clown murals, displays clown dolls in every window, and has an insatiable desire to hear and discuss clown-related news. More specifically, for the Irish it is like having a neighbor who is very fond of clowns and, furthermore, your grandfather was killed by a clown.

Beyond this, it is the stuff of children’s stories. Having a queen as head of state is like having a pirate or mermaid or Ewok as head of state. What is the logic? Bees have queens, but the queen bee lays all the eggs in the hive. The Queen of the British has laid only four British eggs, and one of them is Prince Andrew, a disgusting and sweatless one, so he doesn’t deserve a round of applause.

We sporadically cut to the couple’s property, where they roam around in hoodies, jeans, and anoraks, as if to say, ‘We’re just rich people, Oprah, it’s no different from you or Tom Hanks or Jeff Bezos.’

Contemporary royalty has no royal power. They serve entirely to enshrine classism in the British non-constitution. They live with great luxury and little autonomy, disguising themselves as their ancestors, and are the object of constant psychosocial projection by people who mourn the loss of the empire. They are basically a Rorschach test that the tabloids hold to measure what level of hysterical hysteria their readers are capable of at any given moment.

The most recent infighting is between the royal family and a newly disentangled Prince Harry and his wife, former actress Meghan Markle. Traditionally, we peasants nervously chose a side and collected our pikes from the thatched roof. Fortunately, these days pitched battles occur in television interviews.

Oprah, her now obsolete middle name, appears in round Harry Potter glasses and pastel colors that radiate calm. She distantly hugs a pregnant Meghan, who is wearing a black dress with white prints, and they both sit between two pillars looking out into a Californian garden. This is clearly Oprah’s temple. (Actually, we are told, it is the home of a “friend.”) The cameras move smoothly around and occasionally over them, with the touch of well-trained servants. We sporadically cut to the couple’s property, where Oprah and the couple wander in hoodies, jeans, and anoraks among rescued dogs and chickens, as if to say, “We are just normal rich people, Oprah, no different than you or Tom Hanks. or Jeff Bezos “. Arch-realists, of course, will claim that these dogs and chickens are crisis actors.

Oprah makes it clear from the start that the questions haven’t been vetted, though she reveals her letters when they start talking about the royal wedding: “Thanks for inviting me, by the way.” Oprah describes her wedding as something akin to a fairy tale. Meghan says it was an out-of-body experience and they actually had a small private ceremony a few days before.

Did you take the queen by surprise? Oprah asks, conjuring up an image of Harry punching her with a karate punch. I imagine the cunning nonagenarian fighting back with the royal dagger between her teeth.

Meghan admits that she was a bit naive about what it would mean to be a royal. He didn’t know that he would have to, for example, bow to Queen Elizabeth even behind closed doors. She rejects tabloid allegations based on recent leaks.

Did she intimidate the staff? Well, no. (Also, isn’t the bullying staff a part of what it’s traditionally been like to be royalty?)

Did Meghan make Kate Middleton cry over the bridesmaids’ dresses? She responds that Kate actually made her cry, though she adds, in case we were reaching for our pikes, “If you love me you don’t have to hate her, and if you love her you don’t need to hate me. “If she’s really worried about it, she should have answered,” Who cares? “(I’m pretty sure I made a lot of people cry before my wedding).

However, she continues to paint a bleak picture of being silenced and without the support of the institution when racist commentators pointed her out. Royalty never defended her. They allowed the lies to go unchallenged and misled the press when it suited them. He calls them by the Firm’s old nickname, which makes them look like a gang of London gangsters, which I assume they are. At worst, he says, he felt suicidal. He poignantly points to a photograph at a royal engagement when it was at its lowest ebb, noting how strongly concerned Harry takes her hand.

The reason this is not a mere true story is because ultimately it is about race and gender and touches on a number of very real contemporary anxieties around justice, equality, and institutional bigotry. (If I had to pick a pike from the thatch, I’d be lining up for Meghan here.) There was talk within the institution of degrading the royal status of the couple’s son. The most surprising thing is that if you can be surprised by that shower, Meghan reveals that an anonymous member of the royal family was concerned about the color of their children’s skin.

Harry appears for the second half of the interview. He credits his wife with educating him about unconscious racial prejudice, institutional bigotry, and how deeply weird the actual surroundings are. He compares it to a trap, one in which his father and brother are still trapped. His relationships with both of them, as he describes them here, are strained, although Meghan and Harry claim to have a good relationship with the queen.

Harry also evokes his own mother’s experience and says he is wary of history repeating itself. And this reminds me that the only time I was moved by something related to British royalty was seeing him as a little boy walking in his mother’s funeral procession. He talks about the unspoken deal the royal family has struck with the tabloids to give them access in exchange for favorable coverage. As with soap operas and reality shows, benign tabloid coverage is an existential problem for royalty. It suggests, ultimately, that he and Meghan were in the crossfire of it.

It also reveals that they did not abandon their royal duties but were overwhelmed by a lack of support. They were told that they would not be granted state security, which is what led to the need to make deals with the media. “Did you take the queen by surprise?” Oprah asks, conjuring up an image of Harry punching her with a karate punch. As if that were possible. I imagine the cunning nonagenarian striking the royal dagger between her teeth. For the record, they didn’t take the queen by surprise.

Critics of Meghan and Harry accuse them of being money-hungry careerists, but that’s hilarious coming from sycophants to tax-sucking hereditary con artists.

Throughout the interview, Harry and Meghan, who are charming, smart, and good at being celebrities, make the monarchy seem like an archaic and endemically racist institution that has no place in the modern world. Well, duh. And for all the outrage you might read in the UK tabloids right now, they also did something else that makes everything else irrelevant – they officially launched in the United States.

Harry revealed the gender of his next child, it’s a girl, in this interview, but Harry and Meghan are also pregnant with a nascent media empire and lucrative contracts from Spotify and Netflix. Granted, their critics accuse them of being money-hungry careerists for this, but that’s hilarious coming from sycophants to tax-sucking hereditary con artists. Fixing a Netflix deal that the couple actually has to work on is pretty benign royal behavior when you compare it to conquest and general free-riding.

Harry and Meghan will finally win. Despite the frenzy of the tabloid press, this was never the story of a poor ingrate who was elevated by the monarchy. It was about the possible union of two great houses, The Windsor and Californian Celebrity. Only one of those things has a future, and that is the one with the Netflix deal.