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Everyone else is playing their part in making this the widest open season ever, except for one team. Sure, they toyed with the idea briefly for a full game, but then they decided they weren’t going to play with everyone else and they would just screw it up. Again. The miserable shiny sods.
So who is this week’s jerk?
Liverpool. Yes, I did. Liverpool Football Club is an idiot. We will explain shortly why this is indeed a huge compliment, but if you would like to send your tweet / email / comment now while the blood is up, please be my guest.
They have done?
They are messing it up, right? The only thing that seemed like 2020 could give us was a really crazy Premier League season where anything could happen, but no, we can’t even have that. Instead, the best team in the country will simply win it again. And probably with plenty to spare.
Even when they have somehow managed to lose 7-2 at Aston Villa. Even when they have invented the concept of multiple soft tissue injuries. Even when they face a Leicester team that is absolutely flying. When some – admittedly giddy even by 2020 standards – were saying that the Foxes might even be favorites in a field where Liverpool haven’t lost in 232 years, the hosts just crushed them.
And we all should have known, because it happened a year ago too. The comparison to the latter is not perfect – we were further into the season with Liverpool’s dominance more solidly established and it happened on completely different terrain, but it still felt similar. Last season it was after the extra effort of the Club World Championship that Liverpool, supposedly at their most vulnerable, faced a team from Leicester sailing very close to the top of the table. If Liverpool is going to be exposed, now is the time. Now we will learn something about this Liverpool team and their coach. Liverpool just crushed them.
For 4-0 at King Power on Boxing Day last year, read 3-0 at Anfield on November 23 this year. A lot has happened between those two games, but Liverpool are still much better than the others.
Read the room, guys. People liked the wild unpredictability. So much can be said, because everyone is still trying to pretend that things could still be different this season. Tottenham is still technically superior, which is great fun and fair play for everyone who has enabled it, and it hasn’t improved things for the Spurs for a good few weeks (although, somehow, it’s doing an absolute number on the Manchester City to get to the top). the table on weekend events elsewhere conspire to show precisely why they won’t win the title is an exciting new branch of Spursiness, but I digress) and if there’s one thing we know about Tottenham it’s that they will definitely stay the course on a title tilt. Meanwhile, the tabloids are still pretending that brave mid-table teams like Manchester United could still “make a Leicester” and launch an incredibly unlikely title challenge from miles behind.
Even the bookies are joining in, generously offering quirky 6/4 dates for a Liverpool title win that we all know in our bones is now absolutely safe. However, always astute pragmatists have at least made up for that by insisting that City remains the 11/4 second favorite.
Despite all that has been said that this season is like Leicester’s season, it’s starting to look a lot more like the next, when everyone has gone nuts from losing silly points for six weeks or so because the football was crazy and unpredictable from time to time Chelsea. I just said, “Okay, enough of that” and I won like 12 games in a row or something like that while everyone else kept playing and that was it. This season is that season, except Liverpool is Chelsea.
The Spurs remain Spurs, oddly enough, currently firmly on track to finish seconds after having “pushed” the eventual champions.
Any previous?
Racking my brains and I just can’t think that Liverpool has been a jerk before. Absolutely nothing to come. They have a track record for Winning All like brilliant robots, but it was a long time ago, from the forgotten times before the Premier League was invented, and therefore it doesn’t really count.
Mitigation?
If we all step back and allow ourselves a moment of self-reflection and admit that we all get way too excited to watch the wildest and most open Premier League season of all time, EVER! To be won by spinning their cocks by making it demonstrably the strongest team with the best coach is indeed a good joke. And we all enjoyed Jurgen’s just pop on the stations, let’s be honest.
So what happens next?
Liverpool are six points clear by Christmas, 10 points clear by the end of January and are celebrating a title win in front of at least some fans in early April. Later that weekend, after a controversial penalty from Bruno Fernandes secured a 1-0 home win for Manchester United over Brighton, tabloids speculate that this could be just the stepping stone that Ole Gunnar’s Solskjaer team needs. to come back from a 10-point gap and secure a top-four they end up because, you know, anything can happen in this wild and unpredictable season.
Mourinho corner
Another great week for the great man, whose Instagram account continues to flourish. This week saw him break the internet sarcasm record when discussing international friendlies in a post he scored extra points for the use of the word “random”, while later firmly positioning himself on the head of old rival Pep Guardiola with conspiracy theories about Raheem Sterling’s retirement in England. In minor news, he also produced a Jose masterclass to defeat Pep’s City and lead the Spurs to the top of the table.
Dishonorable mentions
Each type of answer says Cricket Dele Alli “Stick with football” as if this were not a scary idea both in general and in the case of Dele, one of the last footballers that one imagines rediscovering his spark and his love for the sport doing nothing but play football all day every day.
Prick of the Week Hall of Fame
No. 9: Ademola Lookman
No. 8: Roy Keane
No. 7: Monday 5.30pm PPV
No. 6: Pickford, Richarlison et al.
No. 5: The Big Six
No 4: Deadline
No. 3: David Elleray
No. 2: Frank Lampard
No. 1: Jose Mourinho
Dave tickner
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