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Not surprisingly, the government woke up with a severe case of indigestion on Wednesday.
It was massively indulged in waffle at the launch of its Covid-19 roadmap at Dublin Castle.
Then he bit off more than he could chew as he tried to convey a relatively simple message and turn it into a proper dog’s dinner.
He sent too many cooks to throw a casserole of media confusion.
Cap off its growing reputation as a custard cabinet when ministers were caught in a comedy of errors at the Dáil.
And most unpleasant of all for the government of Micheál Martin, forced to endure the Opposition giving it its ass on a plate when it should have feasted with the warm approval of a reassured nation, as so carefully planned.
This bitter dose of reality was mainly due to mismanagement of the message, but also partly due to unforeseen events beyond the control of the government. It’s no one’s fault the Minister of Health was mortifyingly sent home with a sick note and an appointment for a Covid-19 test (negative, thankfully) on the same day as his big Covid prevention piece.
It was also somewhat unfortunate that the launch of this more comprehensive and long-term national strategy coincided with an alarming increase in cases in Dublin.
Unfortunately for a coalition that is still on the learning tracks, it is already stuck in classic “if it rained soup, they’d be holding forks” territory.
Fianna Fáil has a 4 percent popularity rating in Dublin according to the latest opinion poll and she doesn’t want that to go viral.
Although we now learn that the Taoiseach and his Minister of Health were informed of the serious events in the capital in a letter from Ronan Glynn, the acting medical director, last Thursday. In a memorable sentence, he noted that Dublin represents “a major reservoir of disease” that could spread further if left unchecked.
Martin didn’t need to be told that. Fianna Fáil has a 4 percent popularity rating in Dublin according to the latest opinion poll and she doesn’t want that to go viral.
And then came Tuesday, which turned out to be a sicker day for Micheál and the custard cabinet. Such were the levels of dyspepsia in government circles yesterday morning, the cart numbers at Sick Parrot Hospital skyrocketed.
Urgent measures were required to calm this volatile situation for the Coalition to put out the raging fire in the national esophagus, to quell the belches of unhappy MPs and to prevent a massive blast of wind from an Opposition that was still savoring the feeding frenzy of the day before. .
It was time to summon the fluffy artillery. Paschal Donohoe, the Coalition Government Gaviscon Firefighter.
You know they know they are in trouble when Emergency Paschal is deployed to speak on a non-financial matter.
The finance minister was carefully taken to Morning Ireland and Newstalk Breakfast and his valves were fully opened. Suddenly, gently expanding torrents of foam burst out of its dimpled camouflage, enveloping interviewers and listeners with antacid assurances that everything will be great, but it might be best to cancel your home wedding just in case, thank you very much.
Bless him.
Fianna Fáil’s Michael McGrath, who is Paschal’s understudy, was dispatched to the mid-morning programs to continue with a comforting dose of sedatives.
When questions came up from the leaders at the Dáil in the early afternoon, the TDs seemed a bit tired after all the excitement the day before. And maybe Paschal and Michael’s effort helped defuse the situation as well.
It was a far cry from the mood of the day before when Leinster House lost the plot after the smooth launch of a clear Covid-19 plan to see us smoothly next year collapsed in a sea of confusion and inconsistency.
The opposition had a field day, and it wasn’t just because of the plan. The Taoiseach had to explain that the acting medical director succumbed to a self-reported bout of “over-caution” when he recommended that ministers “restrict his movements” immediately when Stephen Donnelly announced that he had taken a turn.
They managed to avoid the limelight by returning to their offices and imagining that a great story about an anonymous government politician was about to explode, thus melting into the wallpaper the way they instinctively do when word got out. .
Micheál downplayed the events that forced the Ceann Comhairle, following the advice of senior officials and “without a sudden rush of blood to the head,” as he later explained, to initially shut down the Dáil for a week because it is not possible for it to function. without Cabinet Ministers and you could not risk sending Ministers of State because they break everything.
All right, they’re like the monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. But they were allowed in after a few hours anyway, although no one paid attention to them.
Mary Lou McDonald wasn’t ready to move too fast. She recalled the “chaos” in scandalized tones, again criticizing the government for promising clarity but generating “chaos and confusion.”
Not to mention the unfortunate people in Dublin who don’t know whether to come or go.
But the Taoiseach strongly defended the new Covid plan and its flexible number-based threat level system. To be fair, it’s not that hard to figure out, even if it looks like it will be changing again on Friday for Dublin.
Micheál and his ministers have left enough clues about it in recent days.
“You decided to deliberately distort and seek to deceive in relation to that,” he told Mary Lou, strongly of the opinion that the Sinn Féin leader does nothing but criticize. (She could write the manual, to be fair.)
But she was not wrong in criticizing him for the lack of clarity in the advice.
“His words today add to the confusion and anxiety across the country,” Mary Lou said, noting that her ministers could not agree on their lines.
“So instead of criticizing me, do your job and distribute the information.”
Alan Kelly of Labor was still trying to get through the previous events.
“Yesterday was one of the strangest days we have put here,” he marveled, before demanding that the Government act in conjunction with his Covid communications. To that end, he showed off Paul Scott’s excellent chart from the Irish Times that morning, clearly setting out the levels and requirements on the roadmap that were unclear in the failed launch.
But, of course, the Taoiseach will have already seen it as its party “cheated” and Fianna Fáil used it without credit to proclaim the pandemic plan.
One result of all the shenanigans was a realignment of Dáil’s schedule, while the action shifted back to Kildare Street and Leinster House from the Liffeyside Convention Center, where he was supposed to be sitting.
Now, all votes from this week will go into next week.
Because that’s how they roll.
Until then, here’s something to cheer on all the Dubs awaiting their fate:
“When things go wrong and they won’t turn out right,
Even though you do the best you can
When life looks black as the hour of the night
A pint of simple and substantial groceries, such as that expected to be served as a main meal at noon or evening or as a main course at any of those meals, and will be required to be of a type for which it would be reasonable to charge no less from € 9 – is your only man.
Flann O’Brien must be spinning in his grave.
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