The custard tart cabinet calls for the Gaviscon firefighter. Bless him



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Not surprisingly, the government woke up with a severe case of indigestion on Wednesday.

It was massively indulged in waffle at the launch of its Covid-19 roadmap at Dublin Castle.

Then he bit off more than he could chew as he tried to convey a relatively simple message and turn it into a proper dog’s dinner.

He sent too many cooks to throw a casserole of media confusion.

Cap off its growing reputation as a custard cabinet when ministers were caught in a comedy of errors at the Dáil.

And most unpleasant of all for the government of Micheál Martin, forced to endure the Opposition giving it its ass on a plate when it should have feasted with the warm approval of a reassured nation, as so carefully planned.

This bitter dose of reality was mainly due to mismanagement of the message, but also partly due to unforeseen events beyond the control of the government. It’s no one’s fault the Minister of Health was mortifyingly sent home with a sick note and an appointment for a Covid-19 test (negative, thankfully) on the same day as his big Covid prevention piece.

It was also somewhat unfortunate that the launch of this more comprehensive and long-term national strategy coincided with an alarming increase in cases in Dublin.

Unfortunately for a coalition that is still on the learning tracks, it is already stuck in classic “if it rained soup, they’d be holding forks” territory.

Fianna Fáil has a 4 percent popularity rating in Dublin according to the latest opinion poll and she doesn’t want that to go viral.

Although we now learn that the Taoiseach and his Minister of Health were informed of the serious events in the capital in a letter from Ronan Glynn, the acting medical director, last Thursday. In a memorable sentence, he noted that Dublin represents “a major reservoir of disease” that could spread further if left unchecked.

Martin didn’t need to be told that. Fianna Fáil has a 4 percent popularity rating in Dublin according to the latest opinion poll and she doesn’t want that to go viral.

And then came Tuesday, which turned out to be a sicker day for Micheál and the custard cabinet. Such were the levels of dyspepsia in government circles yesterday morning, the cart numbers at Sick Parrot Hospital skyrocketed.

Urgent measures were required to calm this volatile situation for the Coalition to put out the raging fire in the national esophagus, to quell the belches of unhappy MPs and to prevent a massive blast of wind from an Opposition that was still savoring the feeding frenzy of the day before. .

It was time to summon the fluffy artillery. Paschal Donohoe, the Coalition Government Gaviscon Firefighter.

You know they know they are in trouble when Emergency Paschal is deployed to speak on a non-financial matter.

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