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Improvising
It came as a surprise to Mediawatch that the website that publishes the big Manchester United transfer news this week is not The Sun, The Daily Telegraph, The Athletic or even the Manchester Evening News, but LancsLive, the premier place for Burnley FC news. It is not just love that is found in a hopeless place.
‘Man United to confirm signing of key winger, Sean Dyche’s Tarkowski update: reports’
There is; Man United will confirm the signing of a key winger. Which one? Tell us more…
“Manchester United will exhaust all options to sign Jadon Sancho this summer before turning to alternative targets.”
Okay. We already know that. So which winger signing are they about to ‘confirm’?
“Manchester United remain interested in Burnley’s star Dwight McNeil, but believe that this summer the transfer fee could be too high for them to successfully push their team elsewhere.”
Oh well. So Dwight McNeil, because that is why they are reporting this Manchester United news, because it is definitely not to fool NewsNow or Google readers who have insider knowledge, oh no, it is also considered too expensive. So which winger signing are they about to ‘confirm’?
“They remain confident that they will confirm the signing of a winger before the end of the window.”
Oh.
Sanchover
“It is time for Manchester United to take the hint. Borussia Dortmund has no intention of selling Jadon Sancho this summer, ” Dominic Booth wrote in the Manchester evening news September 15th.
Holder in the Manchester evening news September 16: ‘Manchester United transfer news LIVE Jadon Sancho latest plus Man Utd vs Crystal Palace team news’
Manchester United may not be the only one to get the hint.
Definitely
And what about the Man Utd vs Crystal Palace team news? Well the Manchester evening news They are on a mission to attract readers with really big numbers.
Manchester United could have 11 players in doubt for the Crystal Palace match
Well they could. But as of Wednesday morning, we literally only know of one player who is truly injured: fringe man Axel Tuanzebe.
So who are the other ten?
“Paul Pogba, Nemanja Matic, Juan Mata, Fred, Aaron Wan-Bissaka and Eric Bailly only returned to United training on Monday, while Bruno Fernandes started his work at the Aon Training Complex over the weekend.”
So there are seven players who are training and there is absolutely no indication that they are not in shape.
“Phil Jones is also back in training, but it is unlikely that he will be chosen for United’s first game of the season at Old Trafford in any case.”
And is it one of your 11? For the love of God.
“Mason Greenwood has been training only after returning to the UK, having broken Covid-19 protocols while on duty in England in Iceland.”
And training alone obviously makes it a big question; if he falls, who will help him up?
“Sergio Romero has yet to join the United squad in Carrington.”
And neither did he. Which is fine because Manchester United already have two pretty good goalkeepers.
So there are 11 ‘doubts’, of which only one is injured.
And where one leads, others follow …
‘Man Utd could run out of 11 players for the Premier League opener against Crystal Palace’ – Mirror.
‘Man Utd’s 11 dubious players give Ole Gunnar Solskjaer a headache before Palace game’ – Quick.
However, will they manage without the available Phil Jones?
I will always love you …
‘Gareth Bale’s strong reaction to the appointment of José Mourinho as Tottenham Man Utd’s rival for the transfer’ – Mirror.
The word “like” is doing a lot of heavy lifting there; made those comments in December.
Auba-forged
‘Arsenal would have finished just two points from the relegation zone in 16th place without Aubameyang’s goals last season’ – Sun.
“Without Aubameyang, Arsenal would have been involved in an all-powerful fight to avoid relegation,” it says here.
Because of course Arsenal would never have played with another striker, who might even have scored a goal or two, if Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang had not been available.
Phew.
Can you dig it?
Speaking of Aubameyang, you may have seen Ian Wright join him on the live video of the announcement of the new deal; We’re too old to understand this shit
This is what he said:
“My God, I love you man. Listen I can tell why there are so many people [watching this video] I’m sure there are a lot of people applying for you.
“For us [Arsenal supporters], at a time when we need you most, when we have seen that legends leave us when we need them, you are a legendary state, for life. I love you, captain. “
And here are some headlines:
‘Ian Wright aims to dig into former Arsenal partner after Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang announcement’ – Mirror.
‘Ian Wright talks about Robin van Persie and Alexis Sanchez during Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang’s contract announcement’ – Meter.
Imagine mental gymnastics to a) take something negative out of a charming moment and b) make up two names when there are literally around 17 to choose from.
Flounder
Oh, and speaking of using stats incorrectly to make a point …
Chelsea wants £ 25 million Edouard Mendy to end Kepa’s tenure in goal and lead them into contention for the title after their latest mistake … but stats reveal he’s NOT on the same level as Alisson and Ederson ‘- Mail online.
Silly Chelsea. Have you not done your homework?
It appears that ‘they both surpass Mendy in terms of clean sheets: Ederson is 18 and Alisson 15 compared to Mendy 12’.
It seems rude to point out that Mendy has played 34 games versus Ederson’s 44 and Alisson’s 39 (or indeed, that he was playing for Rennes rather than one of the best teams in Europe), so carry on …
However, Mendy is close to the duo in save percentage. He’s just 0.1 percent behind Ederson, who is 69.9 percent, while Alisson is 71.8.
Which would indicate that he’s almost exactly as good as Ederson at saving shots, which is kind of like the goalie goal.
Practically, a table provided by Mail shows that Mendy made only one error that led to a goal last season (Alisson and Ederson made two and four respectively) and only two errors that led to shots (Alisson made four against Ederson’s nine) .
But still, it is NOT on the same level because THAT is a better HOLDER.
First of the day
‘England icon Glenn Hoddle tells everyone he saved his life and doctor’s health warnings, but won’t give up custard creams’ Sun.
Yes sir
Shit headline of the day F365?
– Keith James (@HellraiserMK) September 16, 2020
Recommended reading of the day
Daniel Storey about James Rodríguez
Oliver Kay | on the victimization of young players
Recommended look of the day
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