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yesHaving a relative of a nursing home resident today means guilt, frustration, and fear. With nearly 2,400 residents a week dying from the virus and predictions of a higher death toll than in hospitals, the anguish of not being able to keep loved ones is compounded by struggles to find out what’s going on inside homes. closed and concerns about exposure to the virus due to lack of protection kit. Here, the relatives speak.
Thne Findlater and David Thorburn
“We thought he was safer than any of us,” said June Findlater, whose 98-year-old father, David Thorburn, died of Covid-19 on Tuesday morning at a nursing home near Glasgow.
Three weeks ago, families were told that the virus had reached the home with the shocking news that a resident was dead. David, a “very worthy” former engineering professor and Robert Burns enthusiast who “enjoyed his meals,” was suddenly at risk.
“It was the first thing we heard,” June said. “My heart sank. I knew there would be panic. Then there was another death. We started to think ‘oh, no.’ Also, Dad had a new cough.”
Information about what was happening was difficult to obtain and, at times, apparently contradictory. Last Wednesday, the message was that David was sitting singing songs; The next day he stopped eating and drinking.
“It was horrible,” said June. “I wanted to enter [wearing] a black garbage container – homemade. We had a hard time getting feedback from the staff. It’s not about blaming, we just wanted to communicate with ourselves. “
What the family had not been told was that the GP had already concluded that David had Covid-19 and had written a prescription to treat it. They only found out four days later.
“We know that the attention was good, but the communication left us very disappointed.”
He died peacefully on Tuesday morning. But by June, who is still trying to figure out exactly what happened, one thing is already clear: the residents were “sitting ducks.”
Diana and Harvey Samuels
It was midnight on Easter Sunday when Diana Samuels last saw her husband, Harvey. The 82-year-old man had died 90 minutes before the alleged Covid-19 in a nursing home in Harrow. For weeks, the only contact between them had been a weekly 20-minute WhatsApp video call. That was all the house would organize for residents during the lockout. Now she insisted on seeing him one last time via video link.
“It was so strange,” he said. “You are looking at him and someone else is holding the phone. I managed to take a couple of screenshots. He was in shock, he couldn’t believe it. “He looked blue, which she thought meant he was lacking oxygen before he died. He suffered from dementia, but otherwise he had been reasonably healthy.
Diana praised the care staff: “They are suffering as much or more than the NHS staff. They do not have protection for themselves, but they have had to see people with whom they have had a strong relationship die without any medical attention. “
However, she has been angry with the administration of the home, because after Harvey became ill with a temperature and a chest infection, she asked for daily calls with him and they did not happen.
“I feel completely gutted,” he said. “I feel completely lost. It is like a bad dream for me. They didn’t tell me I was going to fall. They didn’t tell me they thought he wasn’t going to live. I could have talked to him. I am very disappointed by all of this. ”
She said her death was attributed to dementia on the death certificate, but her symptoms and the speed of her decline indicated Covid-19. The last conversation she had with him was the Thursday before Easter when she said he was not feeling well.
“I told him I loved him and he said he loved me.”
Susan and Ruby Birch
“I’ve been sick with anxiety,” said Susan Birch, whose mother, Ruby Birch, was diagnosed with Covid-19 on April 22 at her Birmingham nursing home.
It was no use when the call came in saying that she was being isolated so they couldn’t speak to her for a week. Ruby, 76, who suffers from mental health problems, relied on social contact and home entertainment. All of that is gone.
The family sent a mobile phone.
“Every time I talk to her, I keep in mind that there may not be another chance,” said Susan. “I don’t know if she’s going to get worse. I try to make the most of it and listen to everything she says. I have a keyboard and I play Amazing Grace and we sing together.” One day Susan took out a recording of her late father speaking and played it back to her mother via Skype.
The inability to find out what is happening at home causes a lot of concern. Susan relies on “snatched phone conversations with care workers.” She does not understand why the manager did not contact her.
“I saw care workers in the background on a Skype call a few weeks ago with zero EPP activated,” he said. “We are trying to get some from my husband’s employer in Brighton. He works for a company that now uses 3D printers to produce face shields. Hopefully these will be delivered soon. “
Fara and Sheila Yasamee
Sheila Yasamee, 96, a former midwife and mother of five, has lived in a nursing home in Bexhill, East Sussex, since September. But after Covid-19’s first death there last week and more infections this week, her family is considering removing her.
“It is extremely difficult,” said her daughter, Fara Yasamee. “It may well come down to life or death. This is spreading and [puts] his health and his life are in real danger … He can die there for that. “
The local GP has emphasized that Sheila needs 24-hour care and equipment that cannot be guaranteed beyond the care home, and local social care officials insist that the choice is Sheila’s. In addition, her family realizes that they would have to isolate themselves to take care of her to avoid infecting her, and that could take months.
Sheila “does not really understand the situation and cannot make an informed decision on whether to stay or not,” Fara said. Her mother was “very depressed and depressed being isolated and not seeing the family … She keeps asking, how much longer will this last?”
Since the visits stopped, Fara has spoken regularly with Sheila on the phone, but it is becoming frustrating not knowing what care is provided, what personal protective equipment the staff is using, if the workers are sick, or how many people are caring for her. mother.
“I have a feeling that the care home is not that transparent,” he said. “It is a very difficult situation. It seems that any decision we make will not be correct.”
Katrina and Pat Wheeler
On April 20, Katrina Wheeler heard that the coronavirus had entered the care home where her 81-year-old mother Pat lives 300 miles away. It meant that Pat and the other residents would be confined to their rooms indefinitely.
“She feels like she’s incarcerated,” said Katrina. “She knows why, but she can’t make the connection to herself.” Pat, who has mental health difficulties, is struggling without being able to see her best friend at home, with whom she used to share much of her time.
“I feel guilty that I can’t take her away from the environment and make her safe,” said Katrina. He also discussed the difficulty of obtaining information on how the outbreak is being managed.
“They are not communicating,” he said. “They’re probably extremely busy and it’s the last thing they think about, but the information is really important in terms of what’s going on.”
On Tuesday of this week they were told that Pat was being tested for Covid-19 after showing symptoms.
“It may not be positive, but it will be isolated until at least the end of the year,” Katrina said. “How will you be able to cope with that?”
Cathy GardNer and Michael Gibson
“It was horrible, it’s devastating,” said Dr. Cathy Gardner. A caregiver at her father’s nursing home, 150 miles away, had called twice to say that her father, Michael Gibson, 88, was deteriorating with the probable Covid-19 and that she should come.
After driving as fast as they could from Devon to the Bicester nursing home, Gardner and her husband decided they couldn’t get in and risk their mother contracting the virus. Then they looked at Michael, a former superintendent of births, marriages and deaths, through the window.
“It’s not what you expect the end-of-life situation to be and you can’t be there and you can’t hold their hand,” Gardner said. “He seemed calm, the staff was brilliant, but not being with him was terrible.”
He lived in Bicester’s house because he had severe Alzheimer’s.
He had a chest infection five weeks ago and the GP was concerned that it was a coronavirus, but they did not travel to see him due to the closure.
“I feel guilty. I felt like we should be doing the right thing and we shouldn’t be making the trip. You don’t want to break the rules. Then one of his caregivers called us to come over. We waited a bit, but then he called back and said no. she believed he would survive as he had seen this before. His own father had died the week before in the room next to my father. “
Gardner said four other residents had died in the home and that the number could be higher. She felt that her father’s death could have been prevented and criticized the lack of evidence from the staff and residents. “It should have been a matter of course for nursing homes.” she said. “The most vulnerable sector of the population and you decide not to take the test. That is on the verge of murder, in my opinion. “
Regarding the urgent trip to Bicester, she said, “I was glad to have seen him since he died the following night.”
Himani Weir and Octavia Jayasuriya
Himani Weir now wishes she had taken her mother out of the nursing home in South East London, where she died of a confirmed Covid-19 case on April 16. The past few weeks have been so difficult.
For 18 months, Weir had visited 84-year-old Octavia Jayasuriya four times a week while suffering from Parkinson’s disease and heart problems. Then came the closure and began its decline.
“I immediately felt out of touch with my mother,” Weir said. “During the first week we were making video calls and she assured me that she was fine. But a week later I got really worried when I saw her on a FaceTime video. It looked very bad.
The nursing home did not allow visitors, but she went with her daughters and saw her through the window.
“She looked terrible,” he said. “He had his eyes closed and none of the employees that came and went were in PPE. I expressed my concern about it to the manager and she said they were not using PPE until they saw symptoms with the residents. “
One resident had died of confirmed coronavirus at the hospital and Weir was becoming increasingly concerned. In mid-April, the staff was so concerned that they called the family for an end-of-life visit.
“I could see that he had tears in his eyes,” she recalled. “She was sad. She looked at me and it was a look of unconditional love. If you could hug a person with your eyes, that’s what she did.”
Weir was with her mother on the day of her death, and although she feels the staff took good care of her, she is frustrated that her mother died from the virus.
“I felt guilty and confused because the information was irregular. I felt like I had disappointed my mother. He would have kidnapped her, if he had known. It was a sitting duck and I told the manager after his death that I wish I could have pulled it out. I was trapped there.
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