Updated: July 27, 2020 8:19:44 pm
Indian pairing in general is another reminder that when it comes to arranged marriages, preferences are really false. (Photo: Netflix)
At one point, Sima Taparia, the matchmaker around whom the latest Netflix show ‘Indian Matchmaking’ revolves, declares that in India families don’t want a lawyer as a potential girlfriend when they go for a arranged marriage. Although it is a regressive thought, and not the only one in the program, Taparia sheds light on a phenomenon quite frequent in the social strata of India. I have had lawyer friends who have been asked by potential mothers-in-law if they will be as argumentative at home as in court, I heard of girls forced to give up the law because otherwise it would be impossible to find a groomed partner.
So yes, while ‘Indian Matchmaking’ could be a real TV party, many of the ideas expressed around ‘arranged’ marriage are very much alive and real. Yes, try to present ‘arranged’ marriage as a kind of modern but traditional version of Tinder. Except that the algorithm is decided by Taparia, the successful matchmaker from Mumbai who jogs the globe. Of course, she is helped by her face reader, astrologer, and sometimes life coach.
But the Netflix show ends up glorifying everything that is wrong with the way Indians view the institution of marriage, often without context. A lingering theme throughout the show is that someone has to compromise when it comes to marriage, and inevitably that is the woman. The show is a reminder that education, financial freedom, none of that has changed the core idea that in a marriage, a woman is the one who needs to be “flexible.” For me, what stood out was how the program deals with three clients of Sima Taparia.
There is the treatment of the character of Aparna in the program, one of the first clients that they introduce us when the program opens. It makes her seem unpleasant because she is sure of what she wants, an ambitious woman who is not willing to compromise the qualities she wants in a partner. And that leaves Aunt Sima feeling very tired and positively hating Aparna’s ‘negativity’. Also, she’s over 30. Oh, and she’s also a lawyer. All of which, as Simaji reminds us, means fewer options for Aparna.
Then there is Rupam, who is divorced and has a daughter. You are also reminded that your options in organized matchmaking are limited due to the above two conditions. Fortunately, find someone alone, thanks to a dating app. If one kept count, it would be a modern dating algorithm 1, Sima Aunty- 0.
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Ankita from Delhi is another Sima client, one who has successfully established her own business and is doing well financially and doesn’t want someone from a traditional family. She is made to meet another matchmaker Geeta. The reason Sima ji gets Geeta to meet Ankita is because she is supposedly the ‘most liberal’. But before you get excited, wait. Geeta tells Ankita in an arrogant tone that marriage is an engagement. For the woman Fortunately, Ankita decides to continue her business and career.
Finally, there is one more character that stands out. That’s Preeti Aunty, who embodies the definition of a mother-in-law directly from an Indian soap opera. She wants a bahu that is ‘flexible’, which is a code for someone who will be willing to follow its rules. And it looks like you’ll have quite a few of those once you find bahu number two.
Pradhyuman in an Indian Matchmaking Scene. (Photo: NETFLIX © 2020)
In contrast, for men, the options seem limitless. There is no negativity despite the fact that two of Sima’s male clients continue to reject possible matches. There’s Pradhyuman, who is thirty years old (note that reaching that age has not made him less viable). While he has rejected hundreds of girls that Sima ji has found so dedicatedly to him, she doesn’t see the need to label him negative. All potential girls have to be slim, skinny, smart and attractive, because of course men shouldn’t expect to compromise their choices.
And there’s Akshay, Preety’s son, who also continues to reject possible matches. At one point in the program, while meeting with a potential partner, he complains about who will take care of the children and the house if the woman is working. He is also looking for someone who is exactly like his mother.
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In general, Indian pairing is another reminder that when it comes to arranged marriages, preferences are really a sham. At one point in the show, Taparia says children have all the freedom in India to choose from now, she is also regretting that there is, in fact, too much freedom. A freedom that perhaps our parents’ generation did not have. That maybe it was easier when the parents chose.
Of course, we know that this is far from the truth. Caste, color, and class remain crucial factors when deciding marriage in India. And most still can’t choose. It sounds horrible when “liberal” Geeta says marriage is a commitment, but unfortunately that is the definition of marriage that many girls are taught from an early age. That you, the woman, must be willing to adapt, especially with the man’s family, no matter how crazy your demands may be.
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