DEAR ABBY: When I was a little girl, my mother died of breast cancer. I always suspected I might have had the gene too. To make matters worse, my dad got a skin cancer a few years ago, which means my risk of cancer is higher because both my parents have it.
I turned 18 a few months ago, and I want to be tested to see what my risk is, but I’m scared. I sometimes feel a stabbing pain in my chest and think I feel a lump. I’m not sure if I remember it because of my stress and anxiety or if it’s true.
I do not want to tell my father until after my appointment, what I plan to do alone. What do you think I should do? Should I tell him?
AFRAID IN FLORIDA
DEAR AFRAID: Try to calm yourself. The lump you felt may not be what you are afraid of, but a cyst. Breast cancer in teen girls is rare, but cysts are very common. (It can also be nothing.) That said, because of your family history, you need to be checked by a doctor.
I do not believe in keeping secrets of this nature. If you want emotional support when you get the test for the BRCA gene, your father – as a female relative – would be a logical choice to go with you. Please give it some thought.
DEAR ABBY: My husband’s mother recently told him that he no longer cares about her because he is an atheist. His mother is certainly a Christian, but she rarely acts as one.
It has left my husband devastated and feeling more lonely than ever.
I can not find the right words to comfort him as he goes through what I have no clue yet. How do I empathize with him to let him know that he did nothing wrong and that he never deserves to have those words thrown at him by his own mother?
It surprises me, but I do not think it would be good of me to step in and talk to her directly. How can you deal with a narcissist who is constantly playing the victim, even after all the support you have given her, financially and emotionally?
SUPPORTIVE WIFE IN ALABAMA
DEAR WIFE: I’m glad you asked. Tell your husband that being emotionally abused by his mother in this way, his mother is trying to control him. What she said is contemptible, and if he is as emotionally dependent on her as you have described, he may need guidance to get past this.
The way to handle her emotional blackmail is to distance yourself from her financially and emotionally because she is manipulative and toxic.
DEAR ABBY: I have a medical emergency service dog. People in the store will not let him do his work, and I do not know what to do. I do not want to rude these people, but my life depends on his warning. Every time I have to shop for groceries, I get really scared. Rie?
NO PETTING IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR NO PETTING: You’re a nice person. Too beautiful, actually. If someone tries to distract your pet, tell the person emphatically to stop immediately because he is on duty, working to ensure your safety, and by distraction you could cost your life. It’s the truth.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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