The Cleveland Indians recently announced that they are going to discuss changing the team name.
The franchise has been known as the Indians since 1915, but sports franchises are increasingly criticized for using uniform names, logos, and design elements that refer to Native Americans. The Indians have already eliminated the use of the “Chief Wahoo” logo, and the NFL Washington Redskins are discussing a name change after receiving pressure from the sponsors.
Then perhaps the Indians are gone, and in their place there will be … something else. Let’s take a look at some of the candidates to be that other thing.
Cleveland spiders
With apologies to the University of Richmond, “Spiders” is a woefully underused sports team name. In this case, there is a civic connection: The short-lived franchise of the city’s National League from the late 19th century was known as the Cleveland Spiders. You will find this to be a popular option in social media.
Cleveland Naps
Nap Lajoie spent the heart of his legendary career with the Cleveland American League team and was the first true American League superstar. His star power was such that, yes, the Cleveland team was named Naps before being named the Indians. That means it would in fact be a nod to franchise history to revert the name to “naps.” Bonus points are awarded as the word also means refresh time on the couch.
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Cleveland Fellers
In keeping with the franchise tradition of naming the team as a player, let’s consider the Fellers with a nod to Paul Swydan of the Hardball Times for the idea. The name, of course, would invoke Bob Feller, author of a legendary fastball, the best pitcher in franchise history, and a war hero. Feller is also an ordinary vernacular for “buddy”, and that lends itself to all kinds of punnery branding.
Cleveland Rockers
Cleveland is the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, so it is smooth enough. Guitar bats on the shirts and all that. Krokus had a couple of solid jams. They’re not from Cleveland, but still.
Cleveland crows
Note the nice alliteration! Bird nicknames should be encouraged, and “crows” are a neglected avian species when it comes to sports iconography. But wait, that’s not all. Straight from the pages of the Ralph Perkins II Wildlife Center and the Woods Garden of the Cleveland Museum of Natural History, we learn that “American crows abound in Ohio …”. The hills shake: there are crows in Ohio. So, so appropriate. GO CROWDS! SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK! CAW, CAW, CAW, CAW!
Cleveland Blue Sox
There is already talk of white and red, so let’s complete the American palette with the Blue Sox. There is already blue in the Cleveland uniform, so yes, of course. The nonsense of naming a “Sox” team is also a mini-baseball tradition that should be embraced and possibly expanded.
Cleveland Cuyahogas
Among MLB cities, only Pittsburgh’s Monongahela is a cooler river name. The Cuyahoga River runs through Cleveland, and is also the name of the county in which Cleveland is located. Is Cleveland the county seat? I guess so, but I don’t feel like looking for it.
Cleveland Great Lakers
Cleveland is located on the shores of Lake Erie, a member of the Great Lakes. So Great Lakers. Also, the name implies that Cleveland is better than the Los Angeles Lakers, which is surely true.
Cleveland Unions
During the American Civil War, Cleveland became a major center for the Union side, especially when it came to shipbuilding. Cleveland’s population and economic base also grew during those war years. Also, that side won.
Cleveland Blues
This was actually the name of the Cleveland spiders before they were spiders. It also evokes the Union ties mentioned above. Please know that a sum of money called Cinders O’Brien played for the Blues.
Cleveland Cinders
I just told you about Cinders O’Brien, so I’m not sure why I’m explaining this.
Cleveland Castles
President James Garfield is buried in a mini-castle at Cleveland’s Lake View Cemetery. So there is the connection. Also, the castles are quite fair, and as far as this scribe knows what he is talking about, there is no team known as the Castles.
Cleveland dangers
Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry is a local maritime hero due to his exploits from the War of 1812, and the word also recalls some of the dangers we associate with Cleveland. For example, the aforementioned Cuyahoga River caught fire once, possibly leaving behind … Cinders. Still, burning a river is difficult to achieve.
Cleveland Burning River
See above. It is also the name of a local roller derby league. First they had the name, but everything is a negotiation.
We understand that you love all that, but you can choose only one. SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK!
