It could be a brother or sister. It could be neighbor. It could be a person you work with. We probably all know someone who does not have a mask in public, although it is mandatory as recommended where you live.
The media are quick to point out people who think it’s their right not to wear a mask, as well #bunningskaren, as those who become violent in expressing their objection.
But others can be persuaded, with the right approach.
So how do you know if it’s worth it to convince someone to wear a mask? And what is the best way to talk to them if you really want to make a difference?
Shouting ‘Mask up!’ with them it will not work
People differ in how they view and tolerate risk, and how physically and psychologically vulnerable they are. That we may have to accept about accepted behavior, just as we did with HIV. Many of these conversations can be tricky.
We also need to make sure that our own emotions do not erase the message we want to convey. For example, if we become angry, anxious, confused, or anxious, the person we are trying to communicate with does not need to hear the message we intended.
We might want to convey, “I want you to wear a mask when you catch the train to see our father.”
But instead, the other person hears the message, “I think you’re behaving and I’m angry at you.”
Ironically, the pandemic makes this type of miscommunication more likely. When we are stressed or emotional, we are more likely to activate our body’s fight, flight, freeze ‘mechanisms. This affects how we communicate and how our communication is received.
If refusing a mask is about maintaining a sense of control or is associated with a sense of identity – for example, if someone considers themselves “not someone who fists”, then telling them their mask can make them defensive.
Being defensive not only makes people less willing to listen, but less so in condition to absorb information, and or to appreciate it precisely.
As a result, criticizing someone’s views – for example, that wearing a mask does not work – can lead them to “disregard” what you say and hold on to their beliefs more firmly.
So, what works?
To communicate well we need to be prepared. The authors of the book Crucial conversations advise yourself to ask yourself what you want to achieve as a result en what you want for the relationship between you.
The aim is to keep the relationship respectful and the lines of communication open so that negotiations can continue as new pandemic circumstances arise.
You will not completely change someone’s beliefs or actions.
A better goal is to negotiate a change in behavior that minimizes harm. This could be: “Do as you choose at other times of course, but could we agree that you should just wear a mask first when your dad visits?”
Respect, empathy, appeal to values
Identifying and respecting another person’s values and finding values in common reduces defensiveness and provides grounds for negotiation.
For example, “I can see how important it is for you to be skeptical, and I totally agree, especially since the evidence changes so often. But because the evidence certainly shows that even some young, healthy people can get seriously ill, could I ask you to wear a mask on our trip? “
Asking someone why they are not wearing a mask, instead of telling them that they are wearing one, is another useful tool. This is an opportunity for someone to be heard, which reduces any defensiveness.
There are many reasons why people do not wear masks. And hearing someone explain could provide an opportunity to solve problems (especially if we ask how we can help, and refrain from giving them advice).
Compassion or empathy allows us to support another’s position while maintaining our own strength.
For example, acknowledgments like “I can relate! All these controls over our lives drive me crazy and many of them make no sense” or “I can be wrong, and I can overreact”, can help in negotiation “please humor me and carry a mask, just on the train “.
Empathy can also help maintain the relationship while insisting on a boundary, such as: “Our relationship is so important, I really want to see you, and I hate to say this, but I can not accept you if you try without a mask “at least until there are fewer cases.”
How a non-judgmental approach can win people over
Evidence shows that some groups of men – such as younger men, politically conservative men, men with lower health literature, and men who support more traditional notions of masculinity – are one of the most resistant to wearing a mask.
Non-judgmental communication is as effective with men as with anyone else.
When Harvard professor Julia Marcus wrote about male anti-masks without shame or judgment, many men contacted her, ready to listen to her views on masks.
In a nutshell
When we are indiscriminate, empathetic, and clear in what we want to achieve, we can rise above counterproductive reactions, such as jumping in to tell someone or dispelling someone’s concerns.
This allows us to be brave enough to adapt our communication to what the other person is able to hear, and to make it safe for the other person to speak. This is when our communication will actually work.
Claire Hooker, Senior Lecturer and Coordinator, Health and Medical Humanities, University of Sydney.
This article was republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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