My little son falls a lot.
I am convinced that he is the most awkward human being on planet earth. I have witnessed that men drink more alcohol than anyone should, only to leave the bar with more grace and awareness than my youngest son.
A short example: I packed my wife and children over the weekend to have a (socially estranged) party at my father’s house. Pops just finished her dream Backyard setup, featuring a beautiful unloading platform leading out to a patterned patio.
He’s magnificent, with goals and all that, but it’s a horrendous test not from Lucas. There are two small sets of stairs on each side of the terrace that lead to the patio. There are no handrails to protect the space between these sets of stairs.
You know where this is going, as my wife and I did the moment we got there. Despite our best efforts, my son suffered a small fall that resulted in about 30 seconds of crying and a minimum of three years of my life.
After my nerves calmed down and a “no children on the terrace” mandate was ordered, I thought back to the times in my life when I lived on the edge. Just like in third grade, when I thought it was a good idea to use a flimsy piece of wood and a milk box to build the worst bike ramp you’ve ever seen. It just took me a broken wrist to retreat as … uh … ramp architect?
Or how about the first boss who thought it would be nice for his 18-year-old employee to drive the company truck that had questionably reliable brakes to pick up some supplies for the festival we were working on? Getting to the restaurant was easy enough, but getting back through a sea of thousands of people was the challenge. Our venue at the event was at the bottom of a hill, sandwiched between a series of classic showroom cars. The truck’s brakes failed when I was going down the hill, and I lost a couple of classic cars on either side, and I’m not exaggerating in the least here, a couple of inches before a tree stopped my descent into hell. .
My point is: when you live on the edge, sometimes you break your wrist, and other times you narrowly avoid causing irreparable damage to someone’s precious possessions.
All that introspection made me think about how the Ohio State avoided some near disasters in recent history. Of course, there have been times when the show fell off the edge (hello, Tatgate), but overall, the Buckeyes have avoided catastrophe at a surprising rate during this golden age.
Let’s see how incorrect things could have gone if the state of Ohio had crumbled in certain / recent situations.
The (worst) game of the century
What if Ohio’s thrilling 42-39 victory over Michigan in 2006 had gone the other way?
That game will always be on my Mount Rushmore of football moments based only on accumulation. Ohio State and Michigan fans always wait the game All season. That year, all college football fans in the country shared that anticipation.
I was a lot of nerves throughout the game, but I remember the relief I felt when Troy Smith hooked up with Brian Robiskie for a 13-yard touchdown to put the Buckeyes 42-31 at the end of the fourth quarter.
Nerves returned when Chad Henne and the Wolverines responded with a quick touchdown and a two-point conversion on the trip that followed. With two minutes and the remaining change, Lloyd Carr called for a side kick.
What if Ted Ginn did not fall with the ball and Michigan recovered? Buckeye’s defense had been shattered by Michigan’s offense in the second half with a sum of 25 points that afternoon. If Henne, Mike Hart and the Wolverines took over near midfield, I’m not sure Ohio State will become a winner in this case.
How much wave would that have created? Would Smith continue to win the Heisman Trophy? Would Jim Tressel’s dominance over Michigan continue as planned or would Carr regain control of the series? AND Oh God, Imagine if the Wolverines beat Florida in the title game that season as they did a year later in the Capital One Bowl.
I’m not sure what the answers are here, but the questions make me feel disgusting.
Terrelle Pryor chooses the dark side
The Rich Rodriguez era in Michigan was arguably the Aughts’ best comedy. It started with a season featuring a loss to * check notes * Toledo, and ended with a tearful performance by Josh Groban You raise Me Up to the famous Michigan student who got this answer from the original artist.
Coach Rodríguez, I am very flattered, but crying to You Raise Me Up is SO five years ago. #playwelcometothejungle
– josh groban (@joshgroban) December 3, 2010
But what if Rodríguez’s tenure started with a bang?
Terrelle Pryor was the best recruit in the country and the most famous double-threat quarterback since Vince Young in 2008, and would have been deadly in Rodriguez’s extended offense. Finally, of course, he chose the state of Ohio over Michigan.
Michigan’s average recruiting class ranking was 13 nationally between 2008-2010. Would the mere presence of Pryor have attracted better players to Ann Arbor if he had committed to the Wolverines? Could Rodríguez and Pryor have been able to build something special in Michigan?
Then, on the other hand, what would that have done to the state of Ohio? The Buckeyes had Todd Boeckman in 2008, but the main option outside of Pryor in 2009 and beyond was // insert a horror screech sound effect // Joe Bauserman.
And without Pryor, there may not have been Tatgate. And without tatgate, there is no major job opening on the Ohio state soccer program before 2012.
And speaking of that job offer …
Urban Meyer retires, Ohio State hires Bo Pelini
What if Urban Meyer committed to your retirement in 2011 and the state of Ohio was forced to explore Option B?
Meyer was the best option from the start, but if Gene Smith hadn’t managed to lure him into retirement, he would have been forced to explore other options.
At the time, Bo Pelini was a legitimate and desirable candidate. He built a championship-caliber defense as a defensive coordinator at LSU between 2005-07 (which the Ohio State unfortunately found in a national championship game), and was in the midst of impressively resurrecting a Nebraska program from the grave.
He even topped this list of candidates for the state of Ohio to consider whether Meyer dropped out.
If the Buckeyes had to settle for Pelini, there is no chance that the show will become the dominant force that it is today. While Pelini made Nebraska competitive, he never made them more than a fringe contender who failed on the biggest stage.
Meyer’s team at Ohio State faced a Nebraska team led by Pelini only once in 2012. The result was a 63-38 beating that featured one of the dirtiest juke moves in Braxton Miller’s ingenious career.
Dodged bullet (s)
