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A friend who hangs around and never leaves.
I always know that a new product is great when its manufacturers describe it as “next level.”
“Next level of what? Insanity?” I hear you groan as you see the wonderful new Ring Always Home Cam.
Oh how can you be such a killjoy?
When Amazon’s Ring describes it as a “Next-level self-contained, lightweight, compact indoor security camera,” you surely jump up to the ceiling and exclaim, “Finally, something from Amazon I really want! to be!”
For this it really is an indoor drone that flies around the room, taking pictures at the minute you want. Who can also wait for the moment when your dog pounces on him and tries to punch him out?
The possibilities with Always Home Cam are as abundant as they are delicious.
This drone can tell you when you have left the oven on. Because, of course, that stale burning smell won’t have told him to lift his butt from its usual prostrate slumber before his house catches fire.
You can also use it to constantly harass your dog, your children, or even your long-suffering wife.
Just imagine how much more your little Jocasta will love you when you send the Always Home Cam into her bedroom to make sure she is doing her homework.
Ring, of course, is not selling it like that.
Instead, offer: “Have you ever felt like you left the door open or forgot to turn off the stove? Do you get a Ring Alarm alert and want to see what is happening right away? The Ring Always Home Cam is here to This compact, self-flying lightweight interior camera provides even greater visibility when you’re not at home. “
If there is something I want when I am not at home, it is an even greater visibility of my home. Because, how can I relax outside my home if I don’t have greater visibility of what’s going on inside?
After all, paranoia is one of the most fertile feeding grounds in technology. It is likely to be second to self-aggrandizement.
Naturally, one or two scary thoughts enter my mind.
What if the hackers, or, the concept perishes, the police start blowing up this thing around your house? (‘Just a routine search, sir’).
What if you fly into the bathroom at an extremely inappropriate time?
What if you mistake your Roomba for a female Always Home Cam?
If you are afraid of this new magic device, you will be surprised how much it scares off intruders. As the Amazon ad shows, just the mere sight of an Always Home camera will cause a burglar to run out of your house and head straight for your psychotherapist.
Please, I would not allow a Ring product near my house any more than I would allow Jeff Bezos to pull the hairs on my individual legs. The company’s security problems are legendary. But I can see so many people wanting one of these to impress their friends and depress family members.
Naturally, Amazon insists that this has privacy built into its core, as does the altruism of the company. He only films when he is well above the level of the dining room table.
Also, naturally, this device will not be available until next year.
Perhaps this is because, on Amazon’s own website, the Always Home Cam images are adorned with a disclaimer: “Ring Always Home Cam has not been authorized as required by Federal Communications Commission rules. Ring Always Home Cam is not, and may not be offered for sale or lease, or sold or rented, until authorization is obtained. “
I can never remember an Amazon product that got me more excited. And to think that it also makes a buzzing noise while flying around the house.
