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Some relationships will never be perfect.
We had been through a lot together. Well, we spend a lot of time together.
We traveled as the world fell apart We’d had a lot of dinners where it was just the two of us. But when we were locked up, I began to realize that the relationship was weighing me down.
Somehow, I realized that my iPhone XR was a bit heavy in the hand and not exactly the most eternally beautiful piece of hardware.
With responsive timing, Apple released new iPhones.
However, I am a person of (some) principles. I will not buy a new phone without first being able to see and hold it.
So what could he do but go to an Apple store and see if he could feel as well as see?
It is strong here. Again.
Having been verified as medically fit to enter, the first thing that struck me was the din.
Noise was one of the reasons Apple stores had become a bit difficult to tolerate.
I had imagined, since my county was restricting retail to 20% capacity, that the store might be lucky enough to have a cool air. Instead, it was like the anticipatory buzz of a Selena Gomez concert.
I made an appointment and was soon greeted by a masked specialist. He was wearing what appeared to be a designer mask, tapered like a lampshade in Design Within (A Few People’s) Reach.
Immediately, I realized that this was all going to be a little different.
I am used to going to Apple stores and fighting for a small corner of a table to chat about the product in question. Here, thanks to the rigors of social distancing, I was led to a large table that we had to ourselves.
As if it were Tiffany’s, or maybe your local bakery at dawn, the specialist stood at the side of the table, spread her arms and said, “Here they are all.” Four of each: iPhone 12, iPhone 12 Pro, iPhone 12 Pro Max, and iPhone Mini, all in different colors. All there for you to examine.
Before I could ask a polite question, the specialist added, “Feel free to touch and hold them.”
This was strangely remarkable. A pandemic had increased the sense of personal service instead of diminishing it. Every time he picked up a phone, the specialist was there to clean it and put it back in its holder. Every time I picked up a phone, she explained what to do.
I showed her my XR and she immediately suggested 12.
“That’s probably the closest thing to what you have. The difference between the 12 and the 12 Pro is the telephoto lens. So if you’re some kind of cameraman, get the Pro,” he said.
“I’m not some kind of cameraman,” I admitted.
The decision was much easier than LeBron’s.
He certainly didn’t want to grow up.
I’m not sure why people buy Max phones, unless it’s for gaming and watching videos. Which, I suppose, are two of the top three uses of the phone these days – taking forty photos a day and posting them on social media is the other. God, that telephoto lens will be useful.
As for the Mini, it seemed small enough to be the children’s version. It’s amazing how Samsung managed to introduce the idea of much bigger phones before Apple claimed to have invented it all along.
For me, the 12 felt lighter and slightly thinner than my XR, oddly but not unpleasantly retro, and hey, now I have two cameras, something I’ve never consciously wanted.
Oh sure, I got blue 12. I’m gullible and shallow so it was created just for me.
The specialist told me about phone plans, told me to stick with AT&T if the signal was good at home, and offered me $ 250 for my XR and even a free setup.
And then, as if to complete the personalized experience, he lifted the box and, with a little wave of game show, said, “You’ll notice the box is thinner this year.”
She was right.
“That’s because we no longer give you headphones,” he explained.
And that’s when the fun started.
I’m used to store clerks starting to set up my phone and then leaving me on a table while the entire download, reboot, and reboot proceeds at a sometimes icy pace.
“Normally I would put you in the corner,” said the specialist, making me momentarily feel like I’d made a wrong move. “But due to social distancing, there is only room for two people up there against the wall, and there are already two people.”
So we were at this expansive table, able to chat, tackle the world’s problems and philosophically reflect on so many things.
“I see you have a security guard out there. But you are supposed to let thieves steal things if they do a raid. So what does the security guard actually do?” I asked.
I was concerned that, like a thing or two at Apple, it was there just for show. She raised an eyebrow, which I think is the masked version of a smile.
I found that he really enjoys working for Apple, that the company has treated all of its employees very well during the pandemic, and that the worst customers are the pretentious ones.
“They think they deserve more because they are CEOs or something like that,” he said. Oh, those people. Yes, I have met one or two.
We talked about Portugal, studying psychology, choosing a career, landing a job at Apple, the joys of walking through asymmetry, and some other things that I won’t mention here because neither will you.
Not once did she try to rush me, start serving another customer, or do anything other than be a calm representative of the brand.
Many phone store employees have performed well beyond what should be required of them during the pandemic. They, like many others in retail, have suffered increasing levels of abuse from the ignorant. They have still come to work and have been immensely tolerant.
When I finally installed my iPhone 12, we said goodbye.
We don’t wish each other happy holidays. Instead, we wish each other good luck with our dreams.
If that’s not a good score for 2020, I’m not sure what it is.