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Hosts of the “cafes of death” are reporting a global surge in demand for an honest conversation about “the essentials of death,” and say that the coronavirus pandemic has made frank discussion of our mortality more necessary. never.
“In these difficult times, as death approaches, it is very important to have a forum to discuss our fears and anxieties,” says Sue Barsky Reid, a psychotherapist who presided over the first death cafe in the UK in 2011 and now she coordinates with her daughter. Jools, the international movement that has established more than 10,000 similar meetings in 70 countries in the last decade.
She adds that hosts around the world have quickly moved online events as interest in the social franchise grows, bringing strangers together in an accessible, respectful and confidential space to reflect on the finite nature of life and also about how they could better plan their lives. ending.
Nicole Stanfield, organizer of the death cafe in Taunton, Somerset, held two online events during a recent weekend and welcomed virtual visitors from across England, as well as one from France: “It was amazing to see the geographic spread. The amount of interest has surprised me, but people are looking for answers. We’re only going to see more deaths during this pandemic, so people are suddenly thinking about living wills, advanced care discussions, and funeral planning. “
Hosts in the United States describe a similar effect online, despite the physical restrictions of the block. “People are forced to face their own mortality every waking moment,” reports Megan Sipe-Mooney, who organizes cafes in Missouri. “There is a great need at the moment and I am receiving many requests on our Facebook page. I have been training other hosts on how to host virtual cafes for death and make sure that tea, coffee and cake are still present.”
The reference to the cake is not frivolous: proper snacks are central to the laid-back, often upbeat atmosphere to which death cafes aspire, and which distinguishes them from a more traditional educational or counseling environment.
Death cafes have become a global phenomenon, spreading across Europe, North America and Australia since Jon Underwood held the first in September 2011 at his home in Hackney, east London, chaired by his mother Sue. Underwood, a web developer and Buddhist who died suddenly in 2017, had been inspired by Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, whose stated mission was to free death from an atmosphere of “tyrannical secrecy.”
The talks have become much more practical since the outbreak, explains Aly Dickinson, an Exeter-based death cafe hostess. “People are realizing that the deaths during this pandemic will not be what they might have imagined, or considered the so-called ‘good death’, gently escaping, surrounded by family and friends. Therefore, the talks are about how You would now see Covid’s death – for example, people may decide they don’t want to be hospitalized and receive invasive medical interventions or face restricted visits from loved ones. “
Dickinson has been involved with half a dozen cafes since the pandemic began, in her role as secretary to End of Life Doula UK, a membership organization for doulas of death, which provides non-medical support to those with a terminal diagnosis.
“They want to talk about the heart of the matter, like: will I be able to go out to record death, could we wake up remotely, how do we share pain and memories when we are apart? People want hard facts and information about what it’s really like to die from Covid-19. Perhaps there is not so much laughter, since the mood is more serious. “
With the cafes also planned in Australia, Canada, Japan, Denmark and beyond during April, some hosts suggest that the gradual adoption of online meetings will allow the cafes of death to further extend their support.
“We have talked in the past about how no one wants to talk about death and death,” adds Dickinson, “and suddenly that conversation is right in front of us, in the media, and also in our own families and communities. So, In the death cafes that have taken place since the pandemic, the biggest change is that people talk about death in a here and now way, rather than something distant. “
