DEAR ABBY: I have an extremely well-educated and intelligent friend, whose emotions, ideas and opinions seem to be subject to the control of their relatively new partner. I would add that he has a bad temper, and I’m afraid it could escalate.
What are my options for reporting as an intervention in the situation? It is possible that they submit willingly, but it seems uncharacteristic. I have personal experience with this kind of situation regarding family members, but I do not want to make a fuss if I am wrong.
FREE FRIEND IN KANSAS
BEST FRIEND: Unless you have proof that your friend is being physically abused, the most useful thing you can do is stay in close contact and make sure she knows that you will always be there for her when they need you, day or night. If they trust that their husband has been emotionally abused, then support them by reminding them that, despite what her husband has told her, she is intelligent and well-educated.
Talk to them about the situations you have encountered in your own family and call the Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org; 800-799-7233). If she has contact with you because he has physically harmed her, take her directly to an ambulance. They know how to deal with (and report) domestic abuse and are mandated to do so.
DEAR ABBY: Is it fair to let other family members put dirty dishes in the laundry until “later”? My wife and I have been married for 15 years, but my wife still leaves dirty dishes in the laundry all day, every day, “until I can get to her.” To me, this is rude and unintentional.
If I have enough time to use a dish as a glass, I have time to rinse it and put it in the dishwasher. Who’s right here?
RUDE IN TEXAS
DEAR RUDE: You are. Because you have asked your wife several times not to do this, one would think that she would give you your place. It only takes a moment to put used dishes and kitchen utensils in a dishwasher, instead of stacking them in the sink.
Their contempt for your feelings is passive-aggressive. Remember to ask her if she is doing it as a way to punish you for something she is not willing to discuss.
DEAR ABBY: Five months ago, after eight years, my fiancé ended our relationship. I still have very strong feelings for her, even though she haunted me and will not communicate with me.
We agreed from the beginning that if the relationship ended, the ring (if its value) would be returned to me. I have sent several emails and text messages and have not received a reply. Her explanation for her silence for 22 days – just before she broke up with me over the phone – was because I gave her “an ultimatum.”
She had selected the ring and told me several times how much she loved it. Do you think she’s still “in love” with me and that she refuses to return the ring?
DUMPED Without rings
DEAR DUMPED: No, I think she’s still in love with the ring, and that’s why she refuses to give it back.
Because your former fiancé chose to keep it instead of following the rules of etiquette as your verbal agreement, it’s time to consult a lawyer. If you want that ring back (or the value of it), you may have to take her to court to get it. Be glad you got rid of them, even if it was not your idea.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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