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Two marriages quietly arose in Jiangsu and Zhejiang: if a man does not marry a daughter, he does not marry a child, neither with his father’s last name nor with his mother’s last name.
In recent years, a new form of marriage has quietly emerged in Jiangsu and Zhejiang: double-ended marriage. This type of marriage is neither a marriage of a man to a woman nor a marriage of a woman to a man.
The young couple still maintain a certain degree of “adherence” to their original families after marrying, and they usually live in separate families. They usually have two children, the first takes the father’s last name and is raised mainly by the man, and the second takes the mother’s last name and is raised mainly by the woman.
In a family of two married people, there is no concept of grandparents, and children are called grandparents by their parents.
Xiaoxi, who lives in Yuhang District, Hangzhou City, Zhejiang Province, and her husband Xiaozheng, both are the only “after 85” children. They were married in 2016. Before the marriage, the two families had agreed that Xiaoxi could still live in her native home or her in-laws’ home after marriage; the same goes for Xiaozheng. In addition, the two families agreed that the young couple had a total of two children, according to the order of birth, with the first child with the man’s last name and the second with the woman’s last name.
This form of marriage is a new form that has quietly emerged in Jiangsu and Zhejiang in recent years: double-ended marriage, commonly referred to by locals as “neither come nor come”, “neither come in nor leave”, “not marry nor marry “and” two marriages “. “Fighting” means “my family does not marry a daughter, nor does your family marry a daughter-in-law.” The young couple still maintain a certain degree of “adherence” to their native families after marrying.
Why do two marriages occur? What are the pros and cons of marriage at both ends? What is the future development trend of married couples? With these questions in mind, a reporter from the China Women’s Daily and the China Women’s Network interviewed relevant experts and lawyers.
Choice for families with only children
The so-called double-ended marriage is neither a man who marries a woman, nor a woman who recruits a man to become a father. Both man and woman are married, and husband and wife have both extremes. A married couple usually has two children. The first takes the father’s last name and is raised mainly by the man, and the second takes the mother’s last name and is raised mainly by the woman. In a family of two married people, there is no concept of grandparents, and children are called grandparents by their parents.
Like the Xiaoxi couple, most of the only children from rural Jiangsu and Zhejiang decide to marry. “This situation occurs mainly in the Hangjiahu area. The parties I have contacted are concentrated in the Jiubao, Linping and Yuhang areas around Hangzhou. Most of them are transferred from villages to communities and in the area. from Huzhou. Marriage at both ends is very common. Du Peng, a lawyer at the Zhejiang Shunbo Law Firm, said: “It can be said that the marriage of two heads is a normal requirement for families with only children.”
In Du Peng’s view, marriage at both ends is a better solution to “recruit a son-in-law.” “We have a saying called ‘recruit a son-in-law, hire a son-in-law, and finally hire a lazy son-in-law.’ Du Peng explained that the son-in-law he used to recruit will have this mindset: “The boy doesn’t have my last name anyway. Without my part, I’m here just to complete the task of reproduction and reproduction.” In this mindset, over time, the sense of responsibility of the son-in-law door to door for the family is increasingly weakened. Furthermore, under normal circumstances, families that recruit sons-in-law tend to have better economic conditions for women than those of men or the family of women implies demolition Many families of the family of hiring sons-in-law have a certain degree of prevention and discrimination against the men who come in. Therefore, it does not matter from the above point of view, it will cause the instability of the family of the son-in-law.
Double marriage can effectively avoid this situation. Because in a marriage of two extremes, the man does not need to pay for an engagement gift and the woman does not need a dowry. Both parties have no intention of marrying and have children with their own surnames. This form is relatively pure to recruit a son-in-law and affects the psychological pressure of the man. Smaller, it will give the man a sense of identity and responsibility for the family. “I personally believe that a two-to-one marriage meets the real and psychological needs of men and women more appropriately,” Du Peng said.
In addition, the two-headed married family also has a distinctive feature: it is not completely independent from its respective native families, that is, they live with one of the parents for a long time or they live with each of the parents in shifts.
“The main reason for the ‘two fights’ is the fast pace of modern work and life. Many young couples are too busy to take care of themselves and do not have time to take care of their children. Along with the current immaturity of the babysitting industry, they can only trust their parents. ” Zhejiang Nuoli Said Yang Huili, Deputy Director of the Asian Law Firm and Deputy Director of the Professional Committee on Marriage and Family of the Provincial Bar Association. He has been engaged in research in the field of family affairs for 14 years, a few years ago he began to pay attention to the marriage of two extremes.
“There are also some young couples, because they are the only children of the original family from infancy, the original family conditions are relatively good and the ability to live independently is poor, so they are highly dependent on the original family,” he added. Yang Huili.
(Original title: Two marriages are quietly emerging in Jiangsu and Zhejiang: If a man does not marry a daughter, he does not marry a son. He follows the surname of his father or mother)
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