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- Emily kasriel
- （Emily Kasriel）
Image source,fake images
Two women look at mobile phones and talk (profile photo) in the London Underground.
Imagine dying, waking up, and finding yourself living in a world made up of people you remember.
“All the old lovers, bosses, grandmothers and waitresses who serve you lunch every day … This is a blessing. You can spend quality time with a thousand friends and you can restore a relationship that gradually weakens. You can also catch up. with those who missed it. After a few weeks, you begin to feel lonely. When you walk through the vast and peaceful park with one or two friends, you will be curious to know what is different. No stranger beautifies the park. Empty benches. No family. not knowing that he will throw bread crumbs at the ducks and make you smile for his laugh. “
Novelist and neuroscientist David Eagleman imagined this afterlife in his short story “Circle of Friends” written more than a decade ago. Eagleman told me that there are many interpretations of the story of strangers missing during the new coronavirus pandemic. When we hide in the care of family and friends to be safe, the apparent disappearance of those on the fringes of our lives causes more people to think about the meaning of strangers.
More and more studies have shown that interacting with and relying on people we don’t know can promote happiness for ourselves and the people we know, as well as the health of the entire society. For example, among American teenagers, friendly behavior with strangers is associated with higher self-esteem. In China, trust in strangers is closely related to better health. In Canada, trust in strangers is also related to personal happiness.
In the Eagleman story, those outside of our circle of friends seem to have nothing to do with us at first glance, though we gradually realize their importance. Loss of communication with others has a great impact on mental state and physical health. A study published in 2020 shows that social isolation greatly increases a person’s risk of premature death for various reasons, which can be comparable to smoking, obesity, and lack of physical exercise.
To protect us from the new coronavirus infection, many countries have implemented blockades, this measure has reinforced the isolation between people, especially for the most vulnerable groups. New social divisions have emerged. In everyday life, many people naturally come across a wide range of social groups, often by accident. We would meet a stranger in the hallway and say hello, or meet friends at the bar, and then start chatting with the people they are with. But now?
Image source,fake images
Laurie Santos, a psychologist at Yale University, explained that we have learned to treat strangers as potential carriers of dangerous viruses and as threats, so we try to avoid them. To maintain social distance we will avoid strangers. From the restaurant display to the massive “keep your distance” crown issued by Burger King stores in Germany, there are plenty of tips to keep us safe and away. We bent down to pick up the keys that others had dropped on the ground, but we hesitated, cautiously fearing that we might catch the virus and were unwilling to pass the virus on ourselves. Even if there are no symptoms, it is known that it can be transmitted through droplets, which is also risky.
“Antisocial paradox”
When I was a journalist in South Africa, I was traveling down a remote country road in the Free State with my BBC colleague Milton Nkosi, who was from South Africa. We are lost. Milton, who has acquaintances across the country, is famous. He rolled down the window and started talking to a woman outside. How are you, how is your family, how are your parents? Then the lady showed us the way. I laughed, Milton is known and the woman is a complete stranger. Milton said it’s rude and disrespectful to ask for directions without making the right connections.
The researchers describe an “antisocial paradox” in which friends are viewed as beneficial, while strangers are not.
However, in many developed countries, even before the advent of the new crown, people have always overestimated whether it is inappropriate for them to approach someone they do not know. Nick Epley of the University of Chicago spends most of his time studying relationships with strangers.
Epley was interested in the attitudes of other travelers. Why are they ignored every morning? Are family and friends helpful but strangers dangerous, or do we expect them to behave like this? Epley conducted experiments before the outbreak of the new corona virus. Participants were told not to speak to anyone, to proceed as usual, or to speak to the person sitting next to them. He discovered what he called the “antisocial paradox,” that is, people always underestimate the pleasure of talking to strangers.
One day in June 2019, I organized an event at a crossroads near the BBC. Eight British public transport companies encouraged passengers to talk to strangers. The posters and public notices gave passengers an excuse to strike up a conversation with strangers. The British are famous for their secrecy, but Epley repeated his experiment in Chicago that day and found that “British people like to talk to strangers, as do American participants.” People feel better the longer they talk, even if they think they are happier being alone or think they are introverts.
Many people are hesitant to start a conversation and don’t know what to say. You can get tips from the book “The Art of Conversation” written in 1867. To prepare for the conversation, you can store some interesting things in your mind: history, don’t forget current history, major crimes and trials, especially celebrity biographies. This tip is for those traveling by carriage with strangers. At that time, people couldn’t imagine traveling in a carriage without talking to their counterparts.
I have always been interested in the idea of meeting strangers. Part of the reason is that when I have meaningful connections with people I don’t know, I feel excited, especially when we don’t have a common vision or experience. I was inspired and gave a TEDx talk on how to make commuting more meaningful. I feel that in order to maintain a common sense of community, people need to meet people who are different from us. If we keep talking to those we already know, a social bubble will form. These foams can become less permeable over time. If there is no wider circle, there is no possibility of challenging our assumptions or understanding people who are completely different from us. Since the new corona virus and the economic downturn caused by it have such uneven effects on human beings, dialogue across differences has become even more important.
The impact of the new coronavirus on our contact with strangers is not entirely negative. At the height of the blockade, thousands of people around the world were helping others, whether they knew it or not. American essayist Rebecca Solnit called this response to the disaster a “compassionate carnival.”
She wrote: “When all the divisions and daily patterns are broken, the people will become the guardians of their brothers.” “Even in death, chaos, fear, and loss, life has goals and is built with others. Connection also brings happiness.”
According to a report by British Future, a British think tank, in a focus group survey conducted during the shutdown, as restrictions were relaxed, people spoke of increasing empathy and solidarity. Due to shared experience, they feel safer when talking to strangers. One participant living in Paisley, Scotland, said: “Since I got sick, many people have left cards, packages and flowers at the door.”
Can this connection between strangers in the new era of the crown last longer than the virus? Participants in the future study in the UK cited the wish that treating strangers with kindness and kindness will help us recover from the pandemic, but the details of the report argued: “Different opinions on the speed of social reset may lead to to differences, especially when At different ages, geography and wealth also have an impact. “
Outside the mask
Wearing a mask is essential to protecting your health and that of those around you, as it changes the way you connect with others. New York University neuroscientist Jay Van Bavel told me that the brain processes facial expressions within a few hundred milliseconds after seeing someone. In this short period of time, we decided if this face was an enemy or a friend, and if this person seemed friendly or threatening. In cultures that are not used to wearing faces to cover your face, learning to communicate effectively may take some adjustments.
Van Bavel suggested that strong marketing is needed to help people understand the functions of masks and allow everyone to see masks from a new perspective.
Masks may not cause interaction between strangers, but talking to people outside the field can bring unexpected benefits.
In fact, thousands of office workers in Japan wear masks every day, not because they suffer from depression, but because they have a cold and want to protect the people around them. By redefining the wearing of a mask as choosing to be considerate of the people around us, we can feel the generosity and warmth of treating others.
As we are still living under the threat of the COVID-19 pandemic, we must decide to establish social connections and overcome the obstacles of increasing social distance. Psychologist Laurie Santos believes that to be in contact with strangers, we must go against our intuition about what is best for us. If you can’t find a way to resolve loneliness, a long-term physical and mental health crisis may ensue. Today, we need to creatively achieve this connection while ensuring safety.
David Eagleman (David Eagleman) at the end of the Moments of Friends story gave a warning about the afterlife scene: “People with longing emotions bring you loneliness. You start complaining about all the people you can meet. But nobody listens nor listen. I sympathize with you because this is what you chose when you were alive. “
