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Every year at the end of August, Roma families from all over southern Bulgaria flock to the Bachkovo monastery. On this day, when gypsies worship the Mother of God, mothers show their white-haired daughters and single fathers examine them. The party is also known as the wedding market. This year, however, it did not take place, and the reasons are various: the pandemic, emigration, but also the entry of the Evangelical Church into the Roma neighborhoods.
However, this does not invalidate the traditions regarding early arranged marriages in the Roma community, nor is it evidence of a change in the role of women in it. Among the Roma, whether they live in ghettos like Stolipinovo or are displaced among other residents of smaller towns and villages, women remain a second-class person. This has been the case for centuries, and such attitudes are very difficult to change, says Albena Kostadinova, president of the Kuklen-based Indie-Rome Foundation, one of the few truly active Roma civil society organizations in the world. country that has achieved many results in its 20 years. exercise.
“They consider violence normal”
Violence against Roma women in the family is at the heart of Indy-Roma’s latest project, which will collect data through a survey and clarify some subtleties that go unnoticed. “The most difficult thing for women is to realize and admit that they are suffering violence. As it is rooted in tradition, they consider it normal and do not report domestic violence,” explains Albena Kostadinova and recounts a case from a town near Plovdiv. : a man beats his wife almost to death in front of their son, the foundation wants to intervene, but the beaten woman says that if they do, she will sue them.
Roma women abused by their husbands are no different from all abused women in the world. Addiction to a man, taking care of children, fear of human opinion, shame of family and friends often dictate the same behavior: silence and concealment of the facts. Until it’s too late. However, there is a significant difference: Roma women dare to seek an outlet much less often than other women.
And there is another type of violence in Roma communities: violence against women, especially when they are very young, perpetrated by other members of the family, such as the mother-in-law or father-in-law, for example. But how is it that the defenseless 13-year-old girlfriend, used to and beaten by everyone, one day becomes a mother-in-law who harasses her little daughter-in-law?
“The model is reproducing itself,” says Albena Kostadinova. “This is true of the behavior pattern of all bullies, but it is especially evident here.” Undeniable fact. As well as the fact that early marriages, so condemned by society, are not the fault of the 13-year-old newlyweds, but of their parents. “If I had the right, I would not judge children, but I would lock their parents in a cell. They deserve punishment,” said Albena Kostadinova.
Otherwise, arranging marriages works like this: The girl’s parents seek financial stability for their son, and thus seek richer families with sons. The boy’s parents are looking for a kind and obedient daughter-in-law. The arranged marriage is concluded early, for fear that someone will outgrow them. Because kidnapping is still very popular. And once kidnapped and staying one night in the boy’s house, the girl is now seen as a “second-hand good.” Even if nothing special happened.
“I don’t want my children to experience the same”
These traditions are so strong that even a good education does not nullify them. Albena Kostadinova recounts a case in Plovdiv, where a young gypsy with higher education abducted a gypsy girl, a ninth-grade student at the prestigious Trade high school, writes Deutsche Welle.
Although they are starting a good family with three children, the uneducated girlfriend-student says today: “I will do everything possible so that my children do not experience the same.”
If the beating in the home, which is perceived as something normal, the victims do not report, reports continue to be written about some kidnappings, so the parents are able to recover their daughters. But this only happens when the girl’s family does not accept the new relatives under any circumstances. So again it’s just a matter of building relationships within the community, nothing changes much. The path of change passes through the education of children and their integration into society. And this occurs more easily where there is no segregation.
In Kuklen, for example, there is no Roma neighborhood: there are Bulgarians, Turks and Roma. And yet it is too early to say that tradition has been broken. That is where the efforts of the Indy-Roma Foundation are heading, which is about to take a small step further in this delicate area.
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