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When you make a mistake, you must pay a price to receive a lesson
American actress Ann Hathaway had to apologize instead of celebrating after the premiere of the movie “The Witches”, which she starred in. As soon as it was released, the film was the subject of much criticism due to negligence regarding the costumes. In the movie, witches are portrayed as creatures that have three fingers on each hand, which, however, resembles the congenital ectrodactyly anomaly.
“I learned that the production has hurt a lot of people, especially children with similar differences. Let me start by saying that I have always been empathetic to people and never want to trample on someone’s feelings and experiences. That is why I owe you a huge apology for the pain I have caused you. While playing the role, I didn’t make a connection between heroin and this problem. “If I had seen something like this, believe me, it would not have come to light,” wrote the Oscar winner. Although she used Instagram’s global audience to apologize, Anne Hathaway seemed unable to dispel the clouds around her new role. Criticism of his game continued, constantly reminding him of this moment with all three fingers.
It seems that the actress did not sound convincing enough in her apology. She did not have that moment to sacrifice something dear to her to atone for her mistake, such as donating to organizations suffering from ectrodactyly, or at least promising to work through her public image for their causes. He simply said he was sorry and would try not to make such mistakes in the future. Something that everyone hears several times a day or reads about on social media. As a result, apology and forgiveness have lost their psychological role and truly memorable gestures are needed to make sense of them.
Japanese psychologist Yoske Ocibo, who has been researching the subject at Kobe University for 20 years, believes
sometimes the words
are not enough
and it should be
pay something
price for
done,
it doesn’t have to be material. It can be a gift, a special time to talk, or a cause. “The gesture should not be intended to enrich the recipient at all.” My research has shown that the most important thing is the price that the wrong person pays, “Ocibo told the BBC. This applies to both public and private apologies. For example, he apologized to his wife before telling her that he had gotten a better job, as this meant moving the family to another location, which was always stressful.
The purpose of the apology is not to say “I’m sorry” and explain your past behavior, but to show how much you value the relationship with a person and the lesson learned, the scientist said.
The dean of the School of Communication Sciences at the University of Hawaii, Amy Hubbard, also believes that it is not desirable to return to the error made during the apology, as it only reinforces the offensive circumstances in memory. , for the damage and suffering caused. Promise me how you will behave in the future. Propose immediate corrective action and show sincerity, ”he advises.
The words forgiveness and forgiveness should sound, but in some way also thank the person from whom you expect forgiveness. This shows that you respect their feelings and emotions.
A study by the American Marketing Association has shown that this is especially important in business communication. “Instead of ‘sorry for the long wait,’ you’d better say ‘thank you for your understanding’ or ‘thank you for your patience,'” said Associate Professor Xiaoyang Deng of Ohio University, who led the study. According to her, by showing respect to people who have been harmed by our actions, we increase their self-esteem. Which in turn leads to greater satisfaction with the situation.
Therefore, experts believe that
sorry
job
the best
together with
Thank you
because the feeling of being highly valued by others is a key psychological need. Also, the goal is to help the victim feel better.
How you repent is not just a matter of etiquette, but also of decisive action. For example, a study of archival records in the United States of parole procedures has found that remorse with promises of specific behavior is better received by the courts than apologies that include explanations of why the crime was committed.
It turned out that the judges were more sympathetic to drunk drivers who said they intended to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings twice a week and go to the gym on Sundays than to those who said they drove. because they were very tired and wanted to go home faster, but they fully accepted the blame for this poor decision.
When it comes to public apologies, as in the case of Anne Hathaway, psychologists are unanimous that they are completely useless if they do not specifically target those affected. This mistake is often made by public figures, who are quick to show remorse to avoid scandal. But since they are not targeting victims, they sound insincere. This is most often seen in infidelity cases, when the injured spouse is not present as a character at all, which calls into question remorse.
According to Australian coach for building successful personalities Claire Sieber
too
sorry even
can create
problems with
self esteem
“When we do it out of habit, without even thinking about what or why we feel it, we begin to belittle ourselves and our own worth,” he explains. His advice is to start counting how many times a day or a week you do it and then analyze the cases. This way, you’ll easily notice how often you decide to give in or downplay your own actions unnecessarily.
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