Battletoads is an overly complicated, cumbersome sequel

Battletoads is a sequel to one of the most entertaining NES games of all time – a game known for its extreme difficulty, seen as a ride of passage on the playground.

But the new Battletoads on Xbox One and Windows PC has found none of the charm in its predecessors. I like to post Battletoads after only a few hours of sagging, and hoping to never touch it again.

The Battletoads formula

Battletoads is a confident, 2.5d brawler that combines traditional beat-’em-ups with levels of cars and bizarre story vignettes.

I recruited my wife, Jamie, to play co-op with me. In the character selection, I grabbed Pimple, the great Battletoad, while Jamie Zitz, the leader, grabbed. We left Rash, the Michelangelo of the frogs, on the bench most of the time – only switching to him when one of our main frogs died. We wandered through some futuristic streets, beating bad guys in the air with our capital letters – or at least high enough to juggle a combination out.

Battletoads taught us a variety of different techniques. There’s the standard punch, a capital letter to kill or juggle nearby enemies, a charge attack to break shields, a tongue lasso to pull enemies nearby or pull me towards them, and the ability to slow down enemies by spewing gum. After we learned the basics, the first mission threw us into a battle against a giant pink pig we almost missed for TMNT’s Bebop.

Phase 2 was not a stage at all, and opted for a silly revealing vignette of the Battletoads do menial tasks to get started – which simply pushes simple buttons to complete the minigame. The third stage took us to a flying motorcycle level. The two of us rode at high speed through a long tunnel, jumping over and escaping between obstacles. And with that, the Battletoads formula cemented itself.

As we continued with the rest of the first act of the game – which lasted about two hours – we played a few more beat-’em-up levels, another stupid minigame, and a boss fight. The animations, enemies and paths are all stupid, absurdist and strange, with each path transformed into different animals, machines, like robots midcombo.

But the overly complicated mechanics of the game and the oppressive art style tried too hard to hold my attention. It bothered me, and despite all the effort I never found it Battletoads pleasure.

Battletoads trying too hard for own good

Image: DLALA, Rare / Xbox Game Studios

From the second I started Battletoads, it tried to make me laugh – several guys threw my way before I even had the first chance to laugh. In my few hours, I got a line like two, but the funniest part of the game had less to do with writing the game and more to do with Jamie’s inability to stay alive during the motorcycle level. The combination of their frustration, and the very good sound / animation of a Battletoad hitting a wall I had laughed so hard I needed to pause to not crash myself.

I remember laughing, but I could not tell you a single written joke. My wife and I found it more fun through our own failures on the goofy section than exploring new levels and pursuing the story. And in the end, I was still relieved to get off the bike and move on.

The combat is too much too. The beat-’em-up genre has always been inherently simple, though Battletoads adds a host of mechanics, making the game’s combat deeper than its predecessors. But the new complexity eventually breeds chaos, with too many enemy types to juggle and skins to avoid.

Combined with Battletoads‘Extremely punishing difficulties in some sections – about three shots from a cannon enemy killed one of my frogs early in the game – make the fight more frustrating than satisfying. Numerous different enemy types force different approaches into one fight, making it easy to shoot while blowing up to break a shield. It’s less about managing an army of disposable fishermen and more about waiting for the enemy ‘tank’ to strike so you can deal damage. It feels cheap, making it a little too difficult to take out one enemy without nearly killing another.

Image: DLALA, Rare / Xbox Game Studios

The original Battletoads was a hyper-difficult nightmare, loved by some and hated by others. Battletoads tries to bring back the titular heroes in a big way, but the action and the story complicates me too much, which makes me wonder if original Battletoads fans love is still intact.

To get in two hours The Simpsons arcade game, you had to refinance your house to give life. Mar Battletoads offers a much easier in – and then out. Be on Xbox Game Pass, Battletoads is low bet for subscribers. You need to know pretty quickly how you feel about it – I did.

I stopped playing Battletoads with a sigh of relief. The trouble and the compassionate, sad jokes were too much. I will never see the end of Zitz, Pimple and Rash’s last adventure, and my wife will never forget the night I made her play Battletoads.

Battletoads launches August 20 for Windows PC and Xbox One. The game was revisited on Xbox using a download code provided by Xbox Game Studios. Vox Media has affiliate partners. These do not affect editorial content, although Vox Media may earn commissions for products purchased through affiliate links. You can find additional information on Polygon’s ethics policy here.