Dear Amy: I have been a widow for almost 13 years. My husband was only 32 years old when he died. We were together for 16 years and we had two children (who are now 24 and 16 years old).
Unfortunately, my husband cheated on me more than once. I was devastated by infidelity. I never had a closure.
I moved into a new home three years ago and started dating my neighbor.
He is nine years older than me. He was married for over 30 years and his wife ended the marriage.
Things between us went too fast. I literally slept in his house almost every night for almost a year.
He started drinking, and his drinking has become a problem.
He expressed his love for another woman and his sexual interest in two other women. That put a great strain on our relationship.
I am very much in love with him and I want to move on, but he said he is not ready for that and he does not know if he ever will be.
He knows that I have insecurities for my husband.
It tells me that I push too hard. I think it’s driving me away.
I’m losing my time? — Lost in love
Dear Lost One: If you enjoyed this relationship as it is, I would say that you weren’t necessarily wasting your time. Although, speaking of the weather, your choice to spend every year for a year away from your teenage son (was anyone else home?) It is time that neither you nor your children will return.
I understand the devastation of infidelity, but you won’t get a “close” until you actively pursue it. I’m talking about accepting the reality of what happened during your marriage and choosing to move on.
Would you encourage your children to seek a committed connection with someone who drank too much and did not meet their needs? I hope not, but by getting involved in this relationship under your children’s noses, you are basically showing that this is the way to be.
Your neighbor is driving you away. Let it be. Take a look at your life. Work on your own growth. Pack your belongings and your emotions in a U-Haul and move to a different street, if necessary.
DEAR AMY: My coworkers like to drink. Much.
In times before the pandemic, we used to go out to a local bar after work.
They’d have drinks, and since I’m not a heavy drinker, I’d get some food or soda. Do not care
Now we are all without permission.
When the restrictions were lifted, we tentatively got together.
It turns out that we all like to ride a bike. There are some great bike trails around town.
The first time, one of them packed a six-pack to take with us and we stopped at some scenic spots so they could enjoy a beer and then move on.
Now that things have reopened, our last bike trip started at a bar. And then we cycled to another bar. And from there we biked to a brewery, followed by a picturesque beer stop on the way home.
What is the least uncomfortable way to keep participating (without drinking) when all I want is to ride a bike with my friends? – Sober Socialite
Dear Sober: Reviewing various state laws, I am surprised to see that, in most places, riding a bike while intoxicated does not appear to be against the law. Anyway, drinking while riding a bike is extremely silly, and absolutely dangerous. With slower (or altered) reaction times, any one of you could experience, or create, a dangerous situation on a bike path that involves you or others.
They’re not the only pandemic-triggered people hitting bike trails – lots of family groups and walkers / joggers are using them, too.
And people who drink are less likely to adhere to the appropriate mask-wearing / social distancing guidelines during stops, and more likely to become belligerent when correcting.
Are you sure you want to travel with these people?
If you are determined to accompany your friends on your bike / bar ride, you should order seltzer or soda, and make sure you always wear your helmet.
Dear Amy, “Trapped couple” described being “front-line” physicians and “potential vectors” for the COVID virus. And yet, they were considering going to a big wedding!
Thanks for this line: “Wake up and smell the COVID!”
I have to admit, it made me laugh. – Laughing
Dear Chuckling: That line tasted questionable, and I don’t regret it.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
