Dear Amy: My biological great-aunt and uncle adopted me when I was 2 years old. I am now 20 years old, and I am planning my wedding. My adoptive parents are my world and I can’t be more grateful for them.
I have a very close relationship with my mom, and I plan to include her in my marriage, as anyone would normally do.
Because it was an open adoption and my adoptive parents are my great aunts and uncles, I know my biological mom.
She and I have a more friendly bond than a mother and daughter bond. I’m getting married next year, and I want to include it somehow, but my adopting mom is jealous and hurt about certain things when it’s included.
How can I accommodate my biological mom, but not hurt my adoptive mother’s feelings?
Also, should I give my biological mom a corsage to wear?
Not sure what to do.
– Vague woman
Dear Uncertain: This is difficult, because all your parents are also related to each other (I assume that one of your biological parents will be your parents’ niece or nephew). Before and after your birth and adoption, there aren’t many challenging histories.
In my opinion, you should invite your biological mother to the wedding, and give her a front row seat with other family members. Yes, it would be good for you to lead her.
Marriages have very charged events; Emotions and insecurities are higher than expected. Talk to your parents honestly and as soon as possible, let them know what your plans are, give them time to adjust.
Consider having both of your (adoptive) parents – not just your father – walk under the wing to formally present you to your potential spouse. They deserve that honor.
Understand that your mom may feel threatened, jealous, and uncomfortable, no matter what plans you make. Supporting his feelings, he said: “I know this is hard, but I have no question about who my ‘real’ parents are – you two! I hope you keep that in mind and can help me by being friendly with my biological mom during events. It’s hard on me too, but I’m trying to do the right thing. ”
Dear Amy: “Carrie” and I met at work a few years ago.
They are known, but for some reason, no “real” friends. As I got to know him better, I realized that he is needy and selfish, a kind of person who has no problem asking things, but who doesn’t take revenge.
When we went for a walk, she was always at the place she wanted. I had to take photos of her on Instagram (dozens at a time, in different places!) And she was always waiting for me.
For the past two years, I’ve been trying to boycott her, but when I didn’t include her in the gatherings she didn’t signal to come up against me. I should have been more clear, but I thought she would understand it.
A few months ago, her dad died during the COVID-19 lockdown. I handled the way I did for an acquaintance: a heartfelt call, a message to check, and a souvenir gift.
Today, it exploded on me. He expected more. He thinks I am selfish. I don’t want to live for it right now. Does that make me a terrible human being?
*** Is there a way out of this without looking like a hole?
– Guilty, angry and frustrated
Favorite Fault: The basic math of friendship is this: you get as much as you invest. “Carrie” is getting from you what she has invested in you – minimal.
At the moment, you should respond to her with compassion for her loss, but not bite the hook if she attacks. Tell him, “I realize I’m really disappointed in you. I hope you have others in your life who are there for you the way you want them to be. “
I think that *** sounds like a hole, unless you’re one.
Dear Amy: I couldn’t believe your stupid advice to the “independent” woman whose fathers-in-law stayed in their vacation cottage and “cleaned up”.
If the place is so useless that it needs to be clean, the independent should be ashamed of himself.
– Disappointed
Dear disappointed: “Independent” suggested that the cottage is not dirty, and I believe it.
You can email Amy Dickinson here [email protected] Or ask Amy, P.O. Send a letter to B 194X 194, Freeville, NY 13068
