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The final days of Trump’s presidency increasingly resemble the fictional presidency from the movie Monsters vs. Aliens.
In case you missed this 2009 animated masterpiece, President Hathaway (voiced by Stephen Colbert) responds to an alien invasion with a team of unlikely heroes, including a giant-sized television reporter from Modesto, a cockroach turned mad scientist, and a huge blob of jelly.
One of the running jokes is that the president has installed two red buttons in his situation room. One is to make your morning latte, the other to launch all your nukes. You can never remember which is which.
In the final month of Donald Trump’s stay in the Oval Office, he’s finally assembled his own team of wacky possibilities, self-aggrandizing nuts and brainless chunks of jelly. You can decide for yourself if this latest incarnation of his “elite strike force” of advisers is more likely to drop all the nukes or make a fresh cup of coffee.
At the center of the team to save Planet Trump are the unhinged characters Sidney Powell and Michael Flynn, who reportedly met with the soon-to-be former president at the White House for several hours Friday.
Both Powell and Flynn had previously been fired by the reality TV star-turned-president, who, after all, built a public persona around firing people on The Apprentice. But at Planet Trump, the layoffs aren’t as final as they seem, which surely means it’s not too late for Mooch to extend his record of 10 days of service to the nation.
Powell was expelled from the elite strike force of lawyers just a month ago for her outlandish claims that Joe Biden won the presidential election with mysterious “communist money” and the support of long-deceased Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez.
But that was so in November. Now, as the New York Times first reported, Powell’s outlandish claims are the basis for Trump’s desire to appoint her as a special counsel to investigate the Venezuelan plot.
Trump’s attorney general, Bill Barr, told reporters Monday that he saw no need to appoint a special counsel to investigate the election or Biden’s son Hunter.
But it is only a matter of time before Powell dismisses the corpse of Chavismo once again. Specifically, a couple of days: Barr leaves his office on Wednesday, mysteriously a few weeks before everyone else in the Trump administration.
Friday’s surreal bullish session featured Michael Flynn, Trump’s first national security adviser, who has the distinctive honor of being fired by both Obama and Trump, a rare point of agreement between the yin and yang of the presidency. American. Flynn lied to Mike Pence and the FBI about his conversations with the Russian ambassador and pleaded guilty to the crime as part of the Mueller investigation.
Freshly pardoned by the man who fired him, Flynn is reportedly now advocating for Trump to invoke martial law to rerun the election. This would normally be the key to executing a Chavista coup, but obviously now he is the victim of a Chavista coup.
One of the ringleaders of this crazy gang is Patrick Byrne, the former CEO of Overstock, who left the online retailer last year claiming he had fallen in love with a Russian agent on behalf of “the Men in Black.” Good luck making sense of that, or Byrne’s latest adventure: what he calls “a team of hackers and cybercriminals and other people with strange abilities.” For Trump’s favorite news channel, OAN, this constitutes an “elite cybersecurity team.”
It is quite possible that “elite” means something else on planet Trump. There may also be giant television reporters in Modesto.
Byrne, who tweeted who was part of the long White House session with Flynn and Powell, says his own advisers are lying to Trump and that his friend may still win the election he so clearly lost.
“It is 100% winnable. Martial law is not required, “he said. tweeted. “Sydney [sic] and Flynn presented a course that I estimate has a 50% to 75% chance of victory. Your staff is just trying to convince you to do nothing but accept it. As CEO, my heart broke to see what he’s going through. He is betrayed from within. “
It must have been heartbreaking sitting in the bunker, watching reason and constitution make their way into the conversation, as our fearless reality star battled his own disloyal lackeys.
Unfortunately, the disease is not limited to the Oval Office and will outlive its current occupant. Back on Earth, there is no chance that Trump will successfully order the military to intervene in the election, and there is no chance that Congress will override the electoral college. But these annoying facts will not stop the Trump movement that is now the Republican party.
Take Clay Higgins, the duly elected representative from Louisiana’s Third District. Higgins is a back-up law enforcement officer with a strained relationship to reality, and he has made a name for himself recording wacky Crime Stoppers messages that his own sheriff told him to stop.
“If Biden takes office as the 46th president of the United States on January 20, it will mark the final hour of the conspiracy to dismantle the American electoral process and the first hour of the conspiracy to dismantle the United States,” Higgins. tweeted on Sunday.
Normal presidents treat their last weeks in office like a presidential marshmallow test. While they may desperately want to have a say in everything the president-elect is doing, they delay gratification for their memoirs.
They may be looking forward to a post-presidential mission or at least some post-presidential reassessment of their place in history. But they keep a dignified silence to buy themselves a little dignity after leaving office.
Clearly, that is not Trump’s plan. There are no post-presidential missions or historical reassessments. There are only more threats and scandalous tweets to crown a short political career filled with threats and scandalous tweets.
This is the mindless and counterproductive house that Trump built.
“What idiot designed this?” President Hathaway asks his advisers about the twin red buttons in Monsters vs. Aliens.
“He did, sir,” says a general.
“OKAY. Then go fire someone,” replies the president.
Soon, there will be no one left to shoot. Or rehire. There will only be one Donald Trump, surrounded by a room full of crazy theories with no staff to take them seriously.
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