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METERelania Trump is a woman of few words: she is the best in short. However, now that the first lady is preparing to leave the White House, it seems she may have found her voice. Melania is rumored to be planning to write a memoir about her time in public office. “It’s not over, or it’s going as quietly as you might expect,” a mysterious source recently told the New York Post.
Well, of course it is not. Melania may not have the gift of speech, but she is good at taking advantage of any opportunity for self-improvement that comes her way. When Donald Trump took office, many liberals seemed to want to view Melania as a victim. #FreeMelania memes circulated; Theories abounded that she had made a runner and been replaced by a body double.
But Melania, it has become painfully clear, is not a shrinking violet. She is not a victim. She’s as intriguing as her husband, not to mention petty: If Melania’s ex-friend Stephanie Winston Wolkoff is to be believed, the first lady spent much of the past four years devising devious ways to undermine Ivanka. During the inauguration, for example, Melania launched “Operation Ivanka Block” and arranged the seats to ensure that the first daughter could not be seen on television during the inauguration of the president. Princess Ivanka was blocked by the head of Queen Melania.
Extreme pettiness is not a good trait in a human being. However, it can be excellent content in a memoir. I have high hopes that Melania will fully embrace her dark side after leaving the White House and defeating the Trump family in a scandalous tale. If you don’t mess up the family, your memoirs run the risk of being extremely anemic – after all, your time as first lady hasn’t exactly been action-packed. Chapter One: It was the best of times and the worst of times; I launched an anti-bullying initiative despite being married to the world’s biggest bully. Chapter Two: Stormy Daniels compared my husband’s genitals to “the mushroom character in Mario Kart.” Chapter Three: I went on safari in Kenya wearing a strange colonial hat. Chapter four: I ranted about migrant children and Christmas. Chapter Five: I dug up the rose garden. Chapter six: I contracted coronavirus.
As Melania prepares for the next chapter of her life, it seems that she has already started to throw her closest and loved ones to the wolves in an attempt to clean up her image. On Monday, the New York Post published a flattering article about the first lady, stating that Stephanie Grisham, her chief of staff and press secretary, had done her a disservice. One imagines that the informants cited in the article are friends of the first lady who have been instructed to launch Operation Rebrand Melania.
There has been a lot of joy over the idea of Melania writing a memoir, but I have a horrible feeling that she is the one who will have the last laugh. It may not produce anything like the memoir of Michelle Obama Becoming, but it will make a quick buck and get even richer. Her husband may have to be dragged out of the west wing kicking and screaming, but Melania will strut smiling and scheming.
