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In a week of moving parts and ever-increasing stakes, Penny Mordaunt drew the short glass: She had to answer Labor’s pressing question about preparing for no deal. In this unenviable job, she was filling in for Michael Gove, busy selling her own deal on NI protocol, but Mordaunt met the challenge with aplomb.
In fact, listening to the Paymaster General at the Dispatch Box, I was suddenly reminded of Francois Mitterand’s description of Margaret Thatcher, the woman who did more than anyone to bury her doctrine. The French socialist immortalized the Iron Lady with the unforgettable aperçu: “she had Caligula’s eyes and Marilyn Monroe’s mouth.”
Benen the serene countenance of Mordaunt, Benenden’s head meets Botticelli’s angel, there is an inner steel emerging between the teeth of the hysterical or feverish interrogation of the Opposition banks. She owns the politely insolent contempt that reduces those who attempt a harassing or irritable line of inquiry to embarrassing silence.
And, as I learned, Mordaunt’s secret weapon is to imply that any criticism of our heroic leader’s latest position on scallops is deeply unpatriotic and likely threatens the government’s chances of securing the deal. This, like the legendary Billy Bunter money order, is proving notable for the fanfare surrounding his imminent arrival, and his prolonged failure to materialize.
Rachel Reeves, Gove’s counterpart in Labor, stood up, trying to ventriloquize a nervous nation while berating Mordaunt for the Brussels deadlock.
“We hear more about the prime minister’s food than about his deal … If talks break down and the government doesn’t pursue any deal, what happens next?”
“There is hope [of a deal]the PMG responded, offering a glimmer of optimism to Reeves of little faith “even though things look bleak.”
Mordaunt’s responses mixed the sweet with the bitter. “I appreciate that the members of the House are very concerned about these matters,” he began, in a deceptively innocuous style. Then, without warning, he suddenly turned on his opponents, accusing them of borderline treason.
“I would say to all colleagues, particularly those in the opposition banks, that asking urgent questions with the express mission of trying to undermine our negotiating position … is not in the interest of the country.” The House was loudly hissing with the indignant whistles of opposition deputies, thrown by this sudden change in attitude.
But Penny’s power is such that logistical issues around security cooperation and supply chains quickly became unpatriotic irrelevancies.
“I urge all colleagues, he was moved, with a tone of painful reproach,” whatever your political tone, to put our nation first for the next few days and support our negotiating team. ”
Conservative backbenchers seemed willing to emphasize that, at the very least, they were a united House. Mark Harper was hot on Labor’s heels, yelling with bellicose enthusiasm: “[Labour’s] Focus is the reason why they have lost the last two general elections and will probably lose a third. ” Even Rachel Reeves couldn’t help but smile at this display of red meat.
“So here we are again,” began SNP’s Pete Wishart in a mock song “Another deadline!”
“More cliffhangers than Eastenders!” exulted. After more harangues, he finally got to his question, but by then he had lost his momentum and had diminished under the weight of Mrs. Mordaunt’s gentle disdain.
“I am going to miss these exchanges with the Honorable Gentleman,” Penny sighed, in a flawless ‘more pain than anger’ tone.
Between congratulating Christine Jardine of the Lib Dems and the charming Barry Sheerman of Labor, he even managed a courteous answer to a particularly surly question from Commons’ Typhoid Maggie herself. Through superhuman self-restraint, the PMG somehow avoided calling out independent MP and long distance rail enthusiast Margaret Ferrier for her bronze neck by refusing to give up being caught traveling to and from Westminster, after being diagnosed with Covid.
Penny Mordaunt may share the initials of her current Pay Master position, however on this form, she might as well be targeting the same abbreviation, but for a rather more prestigious role.
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