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Now in its eighth year, the Gold television channel’s national competition for holiday cookie jokes sees contestants invent the hottest and best jokes, which are then shortlisted by a panel of judges led by comedy critic Bruce Dessau.
The short list is then put to a public vote of 2,000 adults.
Now, the winning jokes have been revealed, and in the first place is a joke about former Downing Street political aide Cummings, with a punchline taken from the title of a famous Chris Rea song.
The joke goes, “What is Dominic Cummings’ favorite Christmas song? Driving home for Christmas. “
The gag refers to when Boris Johnson’s former senior adviser drove from London to Durham at the start of the UK national lockdown in April.
Cummings left his spot at No. 10 last month.
The rest of the list is made up of jokes about other key features of the coronavirus pandemic, including self-isolation, travel restrictions and video calling.
In the second place there is a joke about self-isolation: “Did you hear that the production was in Santa’s workshop? Many of your workers have had to isolate themselves from the elves. “
Another joke on the riffs list about the three-tier system that the government has implemented in England.
“Why can’t Boris Johnson bake his Christmas cake until the last minute? You don’t know how many levels it should have, “the jokes state.
Speaking about the competition, Mr. Dessau commented: “Amid one of the strangest and most turbulent years yet, we can always rely on British humor to get us through.
“With themes ranging from Zoom and self-isolation to Boris Johnson and Dominic Cummings, here are jokes to tickle everyone after a challenging year.”
Here’s the full list of Gold’s 20 best Christmas cookie jokes for 2020:
1. What is Dominic Cummings’ favorite Christmas song? Driving home for Christmas.
2. Did you hear that the production was in Santa’s workshop? Many of its workers have had to isolate themselves.
3. Why didn’t Mary and Joseph come to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were canceled.
4. Why is Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.
5. Why did the pirates have to stay locked up? Because the “Arrrr!” the rate had increased.
6. Why is it better to think of 2020 as a panto? Because eventually, it’s after you.
7. Why couldn’t Maria and Jose join your business conference call? Because there was no Zoom in the inn.
8. Why can’t Boris Johnson bake his Christmas cake until the last minute? You don’t know how many levels it should have.
9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put a super extension.
10. Which Christmas movie was 30 years ahead of its time? Home alone.
11. How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly? Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you want, and never go to jail.
12. Why won’t Santa lose any presents this year? You have downloaded Sack and Trace.
13. How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas? It will take years to flatten the curve.
14. How is Prince Andrew dealing with the stress of Christmas this year? Penalty fee. Without sweating.
15. Why was Rudolph not allowed to participate in the vaccine trials? Because they only wanted guinea pigs.
16. What government plan supports the Christmas dinner? Come Sprout to help.
17. How do you stop talking to your boss at this year’s staff Christmas party? Put it in silence.
18. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he has visited? Keep a log book.
19. Who wears red and gives the children this Christmas? Marcus Rashford.
20. Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem? Because they couldn’t book a home delivery.
