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Guys, it’s San Marino. Whatever England did here, when they kicked off their campaign to qualify for the 2022 World Cup in Qatar, would always be seen through the prism of what they had in front of them – that is, the worst team in international football.
San Marino is ranked 210 out of 210 according to FIFA and, since it began playing official matches in 1990, it has only won once: against Liechtenstein in a 2004 friendly. Its record in the World Cup qualifying rounds when they were launched here he showed 64 defeats and two draws in 66 attempts and an average of 4.7 goals conceded.
In a sense, Gareth Southgate and England were hiding for nothing in what had the feel of an attack versus defense training exercise. San Marino’s strongest beating was a 13-0 inflicted by Germany and England was destined to rack up a high score.
That they got only five was due a lot to a catalog of loose finishes; at times, it seemed as if England were participating in an internal competition for the most blatant young lady. Dominic Calvert-Lewin probably overcame it when he threw an open goal in the third minute, but John Stones was not far behind with a spoon over the crossbar moments later.
Jesse Lingard, back in the fold after a long break, had one of those nights where the ball wouldn’t go in, there were times when it seemed like he had to score, but it was hard to get too angry. Unless you were Harry Kane, the captain, who was an unused substitute. Had he played, he surely would have gotten a little closer to Wayne Rooney’s all-time scoring record.
England gave San Marino nothing – Southgate’s team pushed well and barely allowed their opponents to cross the middle – and the highlight was one to make everyone smile, not least rookie Ollie Watkins. As a substitute in the 63rd minute, he received a late pass from another replacement, Phil Foden, before charging a low shot into the far corner. Calvert-Lewin scored twice, while James Ward-Prowse got his first at this level and Raheem Sterling added the other.
The challenges for England will only get tougher: they will go to Albania on Sunday, while Poland’s visit next Wednesday will be a serious test, and it was possible to ask the age-old question about the merit of San Marino at an early juncture. The chasm in the class and the conditioning between the teams was not a surprise, and yet it still bordered on the grotesque.
Southgate’s 4-3-3 system was a topic of conversation, even if he had been able to set up his team in almost any way he wanted and still win at a canter. The cunning came in the central areas of Ward-Prowse, Mason Mount and Jude Bellingham, the latter pair playing one half each, while England always had runners-up on the flanks with Ben Chilwell prominent from the left back. They moved the ball gently all over the place.
Ward-Prowse’s goal came in the 14th minute when Mount released Chilwell for a smart cut and by then Sterling had also missed an easy header.
Calvert-Lewin went to great lengths to convert a Reece James cross and Sterling cut inside to finish off a wide shot, but England could have had double figures at halftime.
San Marino goalkeeper Elia Benedettini will be able to tell his grandchildren about the good saves he made before half-time to knock out Lingard (twice) and Chilwell while Calvert-Lewin deflected with a spectacular volley and Lingard made a shot of Chilwell. Cross.
Southgate made four changes at halftime, while managing his players’ minutes, and it was interesting to see that he introduced Foden to the right of the three forwards, rather than one of the 8 roles. Whether it’s 4-3-3 or, perhaps more relevant, 3-4-3, the coach seems to see him as a winger.
Calvert-Lewin did not celebrate his second goal, a touch from a low cross from Lingard after a Chilwell ball to the back, even if his heart should have jumped and there were similar emotions for Watkins when Southgate signed him. Calvert-Lewin was the player who led the way; Kane sank a little deeper into his seat.
The intensity of England was less in the second half and the volume of their opportunities was reduced. That said, it would have been difficult to get past the first half. Ward-Prowse hit a free throw with signature precision and fall that Benedettini scratched a post and scooted away as Watkins pushed Bellingham for a scissor kick that bounced down and opened. The Bellingham promise flickers brightly.
Then came the moment that Watkins will never forget. It took one touch to control, another to play, and in the blink of an eye, the ball was headed for the net. Six years ago, Watkins played non-league soccer with Weston-super-Mare. The fairy tale barely covers it.
