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So Meghan and Harry are doing a podcast.
Of course they are…!
The only thing the world definitely needs right now are those two absurd ultra-awake chancers who give us even more of their views on life from the sanctity of their $ 11 million California mansion.
As with everything the Duke and Duchess of Sussex seem to do these days, their new business venture seems to be fueled by large doses of narcissism, hypocrisy and greed.
Once again, they have blatantly used – some would say shamefully – their royal titles to obtain another gigantic sum of money; This time, a deal with Spotify was reported to be worth up to $ 30 million.
It follows his supposed $ 150 million deal with Netflix, the same company that is currently ripping Harry’s entire family apart at The Crown.
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The couple will produce and host their own shows, starting with a Christmas special launching this month. Harry and Meghan Markle are shown above listening to a headphone broadcast on Reprezent 107.3FM in Pop Brixton on January 9, 2018 in London.
And it comes the day after Meghan announced that she invested in a ‘vegan oatmeal latte’ company called Clevr Blend, an investment she immediately made vastly more profitable by having her recently acquired billionaire partner Oprah Winfrey hook her up to her show. of TV.
The Sussexes are getting very rich very quickly by negotiating their association with the Royal Family, despite leaving Britain and royal duty because they did not want to do any of the menial tasks that other royals have to do to justify all the advantage. that come with their titles.
Frankly, and I’ve said it many times, it sucks.
Meghan (pictured left) appeared on CNN on Monday to thank the ‘silent heroes’ of the pandemic when it emerged that she had invested in a ‘superlatte’ oatmeal company. Oprah, Meghan’s ‘neighbor’ (pictured right) promoted the brand on her Instagram page, a favor experts believe is worth millions of dollars in free advertising.
Meghan and Harry have become the scariest royal con artists, cynically exploiting their royal status to line their pockets.
And then there is his ridiculous hypocrisy.
They informed us that they were leaving Britain and the Royal Family because they were desperate for privacy, especially for their son Archie.
Yet all they’ve done since is constantly babbling in public, craving for media attention like a pair of desperate reality TV stars and ruthlessly using their son’s name as a branding tool, naming their charity Archewell, and now his Archewell Audio podcast.
None of this would bother me if they gave up the actual titles, but they won’t because they know that without them, they would be lucky to get $ 100 for recording celebrity birthday messages on Cameo.
But at least they’ve also made us all laugh as they descend ever deeper into the abyss of the majestic toe-noses.
Honestly, when I first heard the promo trailer for his new podcast, I assumed it was a parody.
It was like when President Trump suggested that we all inject bleach to cure Covid-19. How can that not be a joke?
And yet Trump was being serious, with life-threatening consequences.
Just as Meghan and Harry are now taking very seriously their desire to make the world a better place with their soothing words of inspiration, when in reality the only people who are likely to end up in a better place for their word salad nonsense are from of course themselves.
At the London premiere of The Lion King on July 14, 2019, Harry appeared to ask Disney CEO Bob Iger about the possibility of Meghan doing voice-over work for the company.
In an interview for ITV in the UK with Harry’s interviewer and friend Tom Bradby, Meghan said: ‘Not many people have asked if I’m okay’
It’s almost impossible to parody his load of whining, giggling, and hideous nonsense in the Spotify trailer.
I mean, where do you start when two people who have turned their backs on most of their own families now lecture us on the urgent need to show more ‘kindness and compassion’?
But I will try.
So here’s my sneak peek at the first Duke and Duchess of Sussex podcast.
Prince Harry: ‘Hey guys, I’m Harry!’
Meghan Markle: ‘No’ guys ‘darling PEOPLE.’
PH: ‘Yes, of course, sorry for everyone I just offended. Anyway, I have a glass in hand of Clevr Blend Vegan Oatmeal Chai Matcha, which stimulates the brain, lifts the spirits, and clears the mind – and it’s delicious!
MM: ‘That’s my boy!’
PH: ‘With our new Archewell Audio podcast, we hope to keep Archie’s name out of the press and do little things that make a real difference, like saving the entire planet from extinction with our war on carbon footprints.’
MM: “One private jet at a time… hahahahaha!”
PH: (laughs loudly at his wife’s hilarious joke and then stops suddenly) “Isn’t that very hypocritical?”
MM: ‘Not if WE do it, darling.’
PH: ‘Right. Of course. We are also here to teach you about kindness and compassion. ‘
MM: ‘Unless it’s my father, he can go to hell.’
PH: ‘Or my brother, the cocky little idiot.’
MM: ‘God, don’t make me talk about brothers. Remember how I had to disown all of my stuff to make room at the wedding for our incredibly close new celebrity friends like Oprah, the Clooney, and that footballer … what’s his name?
PH: ‘David Beckham’.
MM: ‘Right, Davie Badman, the one with the ridiculous, greedy, attention-seeking, pouty wife?’
PH: ‘Aren’t all wives like that?’
MM: Long and intense silence. ‘No.’
The couple’s newly formed Archewell Audio will produce programming that ‘elevates and entertains audiences around the world’ and features ‘diverse perspectives and voices’
PH: ‘I’m really, really sorry. Please forgive me, my little vegan oatmeal chai cupcake? (begins to moan and cry).
MM: ‘Only if you get me that lead role from the Disney movie you’ve been trying but can’t blame me. Now, I want to talk about privacy. It’s outrageous how the media keeps meddling with the privacy we wanted here in America. ‘
PH: ‘Terrible! Every time we post our daily videos of hostages preaching about equality from our 16 bath home, they write about it! ‘
MM: ‘And some of them don’t even suck us up with unctuous sycophantic praise like the authors of our brilliant book Finding Freedom with which we had nothing to do with despite being forced to admit in court that we did, in fact . That is a misfortune!’
PH: ‘It’s so disgusting. Don’t you know that we are allowed to invade our privacy every day and that you have to do exactly what we tell you?
MM: ‘They. Never. Even. Ask. Yes. I am. OK.’
PH: ‘Are you okay darling?’
MM: (Tensing) ‘Don’t patronize me with that sexist trigger language, Harry.’
PH: ‘I’m so, so sorry. (cries again)
MM: ‘Alright darling.’ (slaps him on the head).
PH: ‘Let’s talk about inclusion’.
MM: ‘Yes, absolutely. It is very important to remember that we are all equal in the eyes of God. ‘
PH: ‘But some of us are more equal than others, right?’
Mm no. We are as equal as the poorest people in the world, because we feel their pain every day when we take a shower in one of our 16 bathrooms, or do $ 500,000 baby showers in New York!
PH: ‘What if each of us were a dollar? And if each of us cared, WHAT WE DO, we could leave those dollars on the parched grounds of the poorest places and cure poverty! We should lead the way by dropping all the dollars Spotify pays us for this podcast! ‘
MM: ‘Don’t be ridiculous. I have needs too. ‘
PH: ‘Of course I’m very, very sorry. (cries again). What I meant was that we would spend it all on new investments in ridiculously expensive coffee companies that Oprah can hook up to TV and make us even millions.
MM: ‘Well duh.’
PH: ‘Are you okay?’
MM: ‘I will be … WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT F * CKING DISNEY PAPER!’
PH: “I think we should go back to Britain next year and visit ordinary people to show how much they care.”
MM: ‘There is no possibility. Your country is too cold and too small, and the media is racist.
PH: ‘Incredibly racist. They never stopped saying how cool it was for me to marry a mixed-race woman. ‘
MM: ‘Stop allowing racists!’
PH: ‘I’m really, really sorry. (cries again) It would be nice to see my grandmother again before it’s too late.
MM: ‘The Queen? I’ll only come back when the crown is put on my head.
PH: ‘That will never happen, we are now in sixth place in the royal succession cabin rank.’
MM: (smiling sinisterly) ‘Right now. I already told Netflix this is how The Crown season 8 will end, or we take our actual exploitation business to Amazon. ‘
PH: ‘Before we go, I’d like to say how excited I am about Preparation H!’ Best-selling hemorrhoid medication that temporarily relieves swelling, burning, pain, and itching. They have kindly paid $ 10 million to sponsor this podcast. ‘
MM: ‘Why did you want to partner with us?’
PH: ‘Because they said we’re both a huge pain in the butt!’
