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Good grief, the Commons was tense yesterday. Tighter than the strings of a well-tuned ukulele.
With the Brexit trade talks hanging by the most delicate thread in Brussels, the Chamber had that tenuous air of a hospital waiting room.
As each hour passed, the atmosphere grew more restless. Joking and teasing were rare.
Penny Mordaunt was answering urgent questions about the Brexit deal negotiations in Parliament on Monday.
What better time, then, for Rachel Reeves of Labor to pose an urgent question about how those negotiations were going?
As the times progress, it was a bit like demanding an upgrade from a crew of yachts around the world, just as it entered a particularly nasty storm around the Cape of Good Hope.
Cabinet Secretary Michael Gove had rushed to Brussels for “crucial” talks (are there any other kinds?) With EU Commissioner Maros Sefcovic.
So we got his robust, if strangely humorless, MP Penny Mordaunt instead.
Michael Gove arrived at the EU headquarters in Brussels on Monday for Brexit trade negotiations with the Vice President of the EU Commission, Maros Sefcovic.
Miss Mordaunt entered the chamber shortly after 3:30 pm, her wonderfully windswept hair billowing several feet behind her. Shadows of Julie Christie in Far from the Madding Crowd.
He seemed to have acquired a new pair of glasses, which he occasionally took off with a rococo flourish.
We can be sure that old roué and former EC president Jean-Claude Juncker would have preferred to deal with Penny during the talks last year.
The negotiations were at a “critical juncture,” Miss Mordaunt announced. Unfortunately, however, “family differences still exist” over fishing rights and so-called “level playing field” provisions.
Yes, yes, and Michel Barnier is a vain old pikeman. Tell us something we don’t know, Penny.
Penny Mordaunt entered the chamber shortly after 3:30 p.m. M., with her wonderfully windswept hair fluttering several feet behind her. He seemed to have acquired a new pair of glasses, which he occasionally took off with a rococo touch, writes Henry Deedes.
Good grief, the Commons was tense yesterday. Smoother than the strings of a well-tuned ukulele.
He insisted that a Brexit deal would only come about if it meant regaining control of the UK’s “laws, trade and waters”. From behind, the conservative elders emitted some ‘yer yers’ baritones and patted their stomachs in approval.
Miss Reeves was a bundle of infected anger wrapped in purple. His teeth were clenched; his eyes narrowed coldly like a python. The volume of that railway tannoy voice of hers went up to 11. Wowee, she was loud!
“A failure of political skill” was how he described a No Deal scenario. She had a question with Foreign Minister James Cleverly, who earlier that day said Boris’s ‘oven-ready’ Brexit deal had already been delivered.
La Reeves spread her arms and turned to her colleagues. “In that case, he must have delivered it in the wrong direction,” he stammered awkwardly.
A joke from any other deputy. But on the Reeves Richter scale it should probably count as a slap on the thighs.
Shadow Cabinet Office Minister Rachel Reeves was a purple-wrapped package of infected rage. His teeth were clenched; his eyes narrowed coldly like a python. (file photo)
North of the border, Pete Wishart of the SNP had another one of his gigantic moans.
Every time Mr. Wishart’s face appears on the screen from his Perthshire lair, it can only take a few moments before his computer screen is splattered with saliva-spattered fury.
It wasn’t just that Boris’s deal wasn’t oven-ready, it was a ‘just thawed turkey,’ he said.
Mordaunt severely tweaked those specs, before sighing, “Well, he really has outdone himself today.”
The message from the Tory banks was for Boris to stand his ground. Iain Duncan Smith (Con, Chingford) announced that the prime minister would “always have this side of the house behind him.” Hmm. Let’s see if that commitment holds up for the next several months.
The fib of the day came from Hilary Benn (Lab, Leeds C), who wished the government negotiators the best of luck.
Yes of course. Arch-Remainer Hilary is eager to see everything catch fire.
The fib of the day came from Hilary Benn (Lab, Leeds C) who wished the government negotiators the best of luck (file photo)
Later, MPs debated the UK Internal Market Act. That’s the so-called “safety net” in case the trade negotiations that the Lords ruled out last month fail.
The government’s opening arguments were Business Undersecretary Paul Scully. (No, me neither.) I’m afraid the whole day had a rather B-team flavor.
Shadow business secretary Ed Miliband was sent to open the way for the opposition. Ed was sped up. Ed was excited. It had been specially arranged for the occasion. Bright purple tie. Perfectly ironed suit. Even a vivacious new haircut.
He gave an exciting speech, so much so that he kept ahead of himself, stumbling over her words.
The government was mocked by fellow high-profile conservatives who opposed the bill. Lord Lamont, Lord Howard.
Even the Duke of Wellington. By then, most of the chamber had gone looking for signs of white smoke from Brussels. A tense week awaits us.
