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SunThe excesses are willing to get employees back to work to limit the financial damage from covid-19. And some companies will also be eager to send employees in search of customers. But a vaccine is unlikely to be ready for at least another 12 months. So your next business trip could be a stress test. Imagine the public announcements that travelers will hear.
Ding dong. Welcome to the renowned Heathrow Waystation 5. We decided that the word “terminal” might be a bit off-putting for passengers in current circumstances. Check your luggage so it can be disinfected – apologies to those whose suitcases are made of genuine leather, as there will likely be stains. But no matter, it will be a good excuse to go shopping when you reach your destination. After check-in, go directly to security for your nasal swab and temperature control. Since everyone needs to stand six feet (two meters) away, the tail currently winds around the building.
When you go through security, head to tax-free, where you can choose from our wide selection of hand sanitizers. I hope you ate before arriving because none of the restaurants is open. Safe journey. Ding dong.
Welcome aboard Acme Airlines Flight 107 to New York. I am your pilot, Captain Richards. Social distancing rules mean that there is no co-pilot as there is not enough room in the cabin for more than one person. But do not worry; I brought a jar of coffee and I still haven’t fallen asleep on a flight. If I don’t give you an update every 30 minutes, the cabin crew will knock on the cabin door.
We won’t be able to provide you with our normal food and beverage service during the flight, but enjoy the complimentary bottle of water, the packets of salty nuts and chips and the empty seat next to you. However, just a warning for those of you who have chosen to sit by the window. Passengers must observe the spacing rules so that the person in the aisle seat is not allowed to pass if they fall asleep. In any case, only three people are allowed in line to go to the bathroom at any time. You may want to be easy with that water. If you need something extra, the cabin crew will come to help you. Give them a few minutes, as they must first put on a hazardous materials suit.
Ladies and gentlemen, have come to JFK airport. We have good and bad news. The good news is that passenger traffic is lower than normal. The bad news is that, given the need to disinfect the electronic passport reader after each use, the immigration line is still two hours long. And no, you can’t use your cell phone to catch up on calls while you’re in the waiting area. Welcome to the land of the free. Be brave.
Good afternoon and thank you for choosing the Purgatorio Hotel for your stay. Our motto: You can sign up anytime you want, but if we hear you cough, you can never leave. Your sanitized room pass is now available in a sanitized envelope. Unfortunately, since only one person is allowed to enter at a time, the waiting time to reach your room is 60 minutes. By the way, the same delay applies in the morning, so if you’re heading to meetings, you’d better book an early alarm call. There are no baggage carriers, so we hope you won’t fill up much.
To reduce the risk to staff, the room will be cleaned only after you leave, so make your own bed. Feel free to take the shampoo home in the shower – no one else wants to touch it. The spa, pool, and bar are closed for obvious reasons, and there is no room service. Enjoy your stay.
Good morning everyone and welcome to the 2020 Risk Managers Conference. Or should that be the Risk Takers Conference? Haha. Rest assured that this is a fully sanitized room. This year’s catchphrase: We care about your health because your employer doesn’t. When it comes to questions, we will not pass microphones, so please speak as loud as possible. Panel sessions are difficult right now, so they will be limited to two speakers at opposite ends of the stage.
We’re afraid a buffet lunch isn’t available, so take advantage of one of the street food carts outside the conference center. Your choice will rank the actual risk managers of the rans as well. This would not be a conference without exhibition booths in the lobby. Our sponsors will be happy to see you, but only from a safe distance and wearing a mask. Finally, familiarize yourself with the exits behind me, left and right. Obviously they are there in case of fire, but they could be useful if someone has a coughing fit.
This article appeared in the business section of the print edition under the title “The Road to Hell”
