18 August 2020 | 10:50 p.m.
From time to time, the Red Sox hit us with a shirt-ready slogan. I’ll let you decide if the sayings are catchy or worth an eye roll, but you might remember “Do Damage” during the epic 2018 season.
That was the year they won a franchise record 108 games and the Yankees, Astros and Dodgers roll on their way to the World Series title. Damage done. That championship, the fourth of the millennium franchise, was claimed 22 months ago. It feels like about 22 generations ago.
Last year, when basically the same Red Sox cast dropped to 84 wins and missed the playoffs, the slogan was: “Turn The Page.” Last season was a letdown – so much for a budding dynasty – but that disappointing sequel is nothing compared to what the Red Sox are currently taking.
Well, they are just damaged, and this year’s display of the page unusually opens up one more absurd and embarrassing plot twist.
The Red Sox are 6-17, a .261 winning percentage that is better than just any other MLB team (the 4-14 Pirates, at .222). They have one more win than the St. Louis Cardinals, who have played 10 games. They have lost eight in a row, allowing at least eight runs in the first six of those allowed.
The Red Sox are on pace to go 16-44. Can you imagine that? A season with 16 wins for a team? Sixteen wins is half as much as Cy Young won himself in 1902, as much as Tim Wakefield had in his first season with the Red Sox in 1995, and as much as Steve Avery and Frank Castillo had in their Red Sox careers. Heck, it’s as many games as the Patriots won in the regular season 2007.
As far as I know, the Red Sox did not come up with a slogan for this year, probably because the curse words that inspired this team would put NESN in trouble with the FCC. Do damage? Turn the page? How about, “Oh, humanity!”
The offense is mediocre (4.26 runs per game, eighth in the AL), with Rafael Devers (359 total bases last year, 26 this season) looking lost and JD Martinez proving to be one more enchanting at-bat away from himself finally leaving the video room and refusing to leave until he has been allowed to watch clips of his at-bats again during games.
Of course, other teams have an advantage that Red Sox hitters do not: They get to deal with this impeccably brutal pitching staff. The 20 pitchers and two position players the Red Sox have used on the mound this year have combined for a 6.06 ERA, allowing 228 hits and just 185 strikeouts in 199 innings. They basically replicated as a group John Lackey’s 2011 season (6.41 ERA, 160 innings, 203 hits), which is the worst full season a Red Sox starting pitcher has ever delivered.
This is the long way to go to say that the situation is hopeless for this year. Baseball Reference gave the Red Sox an 8.5 percent change on Monday to make the playoffs and a 0.3 percent chance of winning the World Series, and I would say that, unless they can take over that Betts fella from the Dodgers and about nine major leagues add-quality pitchers, the 99.7 percent chance of not winning the World Series is a fairly safe bet. It’s not mathematically possible, and yet I would not bet against this team that found a way to lose 100 games in a 60-game season.
Oh yeah, this is a hopeless scene. There’s really only one thing Red Sox fans can and should do right now: Embrace the stench.
We knew there was a chance we might see history in this short season. Who said it has to be the right kind? While Charlie Blackmon makes his run on an asterisked .400 season – the Rockies outfielder beats .437 – here in Boston we wonder if .103-hitter Andrew Benintendi’s shot average can stay above .100 when he returns from the list for disabled. We will be in suspense to see if Devers will have more total bases than strikeouts (it is currently 26-26); whether one starting pitcher will win four matches, let alone five; and whether one player will win one over the substitution – ace lefty Martin Perez was the team leader at 0.7 before taking three innings on Monday.
Everything is a small sample size this year, including the season itself. If you are going to be historically sluggish – did I mention that the Red Sox had a lower winning percentage than the worst team in their history, the 1932 club that went 43-111 (.272)? – you might as well be evil in a short, stupid season.
So go be scary, fellas. Make that 1932 train wreck of a team look like the 2004 champion in comparison. Chase that unholy history, and hey, how about trying to make this one a new slogan: “Bad times never seemed so bad. (So bad!)”
Well, maybe this works better. The Red Sox of 2020: It will be soon enough.
