Alan has a mega banana

«The erotic main course of ‘Bachelor’: a steak. It’s enough? “Asks television expert Gion Mathias Cavelty.

Last night started again with the “Bachelor” on 3+. This year, the Rosenkavalier is the Brazilian half Alan Wey from Lucerna, 34 years old and very in love. Speak very softly and very slowly. Visually, he could be the son of Ueli Schmezer and Cristiano Ronaldo. In fact, he thinks that everything is “mega good”, everything impresses / “blinks” the “mega” and everything makes it “mega curious”. All women smell “mega good”, have “mega good taste” and a “mega beautiful dress”. She has a lot of fun modeling. His passion is “Feschen” (probably means “fashion”).

My personal impression: Alan is a great bore. And my prophecy: This will be the mega boring bachelor of all time! In any case, the first episode was once mega boring. Test: all candidates are still alive. Mutual abuse: reduced to “Smurfette”, “Blue Haired Troll”, “Barbie” or (rather half) “cheap dollar bitch”. One wishes Mia Madisson would come back (hmm, what she isn’t, may still be).

Best dialogue from the opening broadcast:

Alan to Sanja: “I’m here Alan, I’m happy.”

Sanja to Alan: “Nice to meet you, Dalan.”

Sad but true!

Irina Beller as Kandidatin?

If not? Was there really nothing exciting to see? Good: I was very briefly surprised when, at the first traditional gathering, a woman in a full-length black vinyl and leather Catwoman costume got out of the limo and snapped a whip. Not because of the presentation, but because at first I thought the lady was Irina Beller. The resemblance was definitely there. And as you know, Irina would be free again … But then only Adelita del Ticino was a candidate.

Then there was a candidate (Elena from Zurich) who appeared in a banana costume. True story! At least you could say: Alan has a big banana, ha ha! (He found the acting “mega fun” himself).

Another (Shanell) was able to open a beer bottle with the heel of her shoes. Alan called it “mega creative”.

The erotic highlight: the steak that forklift driver Sanja had fried for her bachelor’s degree and presented to him as a welcome gift on the red carpet. (Alan says, “Ooooooo ho ho ho ho ho!”)

Well After I predicted the end of 3+ “Bachelor” last year (“The time for the” Bachelor “has definitely expired”, I wrote here in October 2019), I am sure that in 2020: that was all now true. Yes, I know, Alan was just a temporary resource as a bachelor. And the mysterious additional candidate with the tattooed hands, who was announced for episode 2, could bring explosives back into the game. But honestly: I can only think of this steak the entire time. And I bet anyone who has seen the show will feel the same way. Clout! Drool! Drool! MEAT! But then I’d rather watch Bell’s collected commercials …

The Bachelor

Mon 19.10. 20:15 – 22:45 | 3+

CH 2020 | 150 min

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